That's Not Me

---

(upbeat electro

pop music)

(audience applause)

Wow, I feel so

incredibly special.

I don't even know where

to start, if you told me

five years ago I'd be standing

up here, winning an Oscar?

I mean, this is

unbelievable.

I genuinely didn't

expect this and I haven't

even prepared anything.

There are so many incredible,

inspiring people that

have contributed to this.

I wanna say a huge thank you

to my parents, Mom and Dad,

you encouraged something

in me that I might not

have discovered

otherwise.

(exhales) Oh, I really

didn't wanna be one of those

people, and I'm sure they're

gonna start playing that

music any second now, so, I

wanna thank the entire cast

and crew, this belongs to

you as much as it does me,

but I'm gonna take

it home. (laughs)

Meryl, you're the

reason I started acting

in the first place.

Cate, our Cate,

what can I say?

But I wanna dedicate this

award to my twin sister, Amy,

who's actually

also an actor.

Ames, I know this industry

can be tough, trust me.

But if you keep at it,

(exhales)

if you keep at it,

aw, f***.

Excuse me, do you stock that

organic brand of tampons?

I think the packing

is green, or purple...

Yeah, yeah,

we should do.

I'm sorry, but aren't you that

girl from the KFC commercial?

No, sorry.

Yes you are, what

the KFC, dude? (laughs)

That's not the line,

no, it's actually

my twin sister, Amy.

Your twin sister?

Yeah, it's funny, I'm actually

an actor too, but I don't

really do commercials.

Okay.

I've actually got a callback for

this HBO show with Jared Leto.

I'm kind of running late for

a meeting with my agent.

Cool.

These ones?

Super, thank you.

You know, you don't have

to pretend that you've

got a twin sister.

I wasn't gonna ask you for

your autograph, or anything.

No seriously,

that's my sister, Amy.

It's just a KFC commercial,

most people wouldn't

even recognize you.

(Scoffs) I'm

not making it up.

I can call her right now.

Okay, go on.

Okay.

Thanks for your help.

Good news, Polly darling,

your dry spell is over.

Summer Street want you

for a six-week guestie.

You're kidding?

I didn't even

do an audition.

They specifically

asked for you.

Far out.

Did they see me

in The Crucible?

Oh, aren't

you gorgeous?

No, they more or less cast

you from your head shot.

My head shot?

Yeah, so your character is

somewhat albino, you'll be

wearing red contact lenses,

maybe go a bit blonder,

stay out of the sun, is...

I'm sorry, albino?

Albee-no, albino, yes.

It's actually

quite a meaty role.

Don't you think

it's a bit offensive?

Offensive?

To actual

albino people.

How so?

Well, I'm sure there's actual

albino actors out there,

and I'd be taking

work away from them.

You're joking, right?

It's like blacking up.

Blacking up?

Would you rather albinos weren't

represented on TV at all?

You'd be giving

them a voice.

Look, I just don't wanna

be known as that albino

actor when I'm

not an albino.

Don't you think that's a

bit offensive to albinos?

Look, I'm just not comfortable

with it, and Cate Blanchett

never had to white up for

Summer Street, so why should I?

No, she was too busy doing

Tim Tam commercials.

Honestly Polly, I don't

know why I bother with you

sometimes, your sister is

nowhere near this difficult

to deal with.

Well, give it

to her then.

I don't really wanna

do soap operas anyway.

I wanna save myself for that

HBO thing with Jared Leto,

have you heard

about the callback?

I haven't, but I'll

let you know when I do.

I do want the

work, Trish.

I just wanna make sure I'm

making the right choices.

(Hmm) Is this how you're

going to auditions?

What do you mean?

Your hair's all ratty, you're

not wearing any makeup,

and you're dressed

like a grandma.

I am wearing makeup.

You and your Fitzroy friends

might think this vintage

crap is really cool, Polly,

but casting directors

aren't 20-something

hipsters.

Some of them are.

Clean and commercial, Polly,

that's what they want.

Off you pop.

(popping)

[Woman] Excuse me?

(Hmm) Hello?

You gave us tickets to the

wrong film, we were supposed

to be seeing Fading Spring,

and we were in another film.

Can I see your tickets?

They do say The Fading

Spring in Cinema 2.

But you sent us

in the wrong cinema.

I'm pretty

sure I didn't

At first I thought it was

a trailer, but then it

went on for a

very long time.

Well, what would you like

me to do to fix things?

Well, actually I

quite enjoyed the film.

Me too.

(laughs) I guess we'll just

have to come back and see

A Fading Spring

next week.

You'll get us

back again. (laughs)

Well, how about next

week's on me, ladies?

Oh, thank you.

That's so nice,

thank you, young lady.

You're welcome,

have a nice day.

Did you just give those

two old ducks comps?

Yeah.

Why?

They, I sent them

into the wrong cinema.

Jeez, Polly.

[Polly] Sorry.

Comps don't grow

on trees, you know.

They kinda do,

they're made of paper.

Did you clean cinema 2?

Yeah, hey,

can I go now?

You still got

three minutes left.

You serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

Also, I would like to

have a chat to you before

you knock off.

You've been working

here a while, now.

And I thought you

might benefit

from some additional

responsibility.

What kind of

responsibility?

Assistant manager,

full-time, yeah.

Wow.

Um, yeah, I don't know.

It's a good opportunity,

it's more money.

Who knows, one day you

might even have my job.

(Laughs) God no.

I mean, no, thank you so

much for thinking of me,

but I really shouldn't.

I need to focus all my energy

on my acting career right now.

I really appreciate

the offer, though.

Okay.

Seriously, I totally

get that this is your job

and this is what you wanna

do, but I just don't see

myself doing this kinda work

for the rest of my life.

And you think I did?

You think this is

my dream come true?

When I was a kid, I wanted to

work with animals, be a vet.

But we don't always get

what we want, Polly.

Life can be

disappointing.

Can I go now?

Yeah.

Can I have a Choc-top?

No.

(sighs)

Jesus Christ.

(upbeat '80s music)

(buzzing)

I play to win, I wanna

have it all, I play to win.

I'm gonna reach the stars,

I play to win, I play to win

I play to win...

F***ing hell, Ariel.

Ariel, why do you always

have to be oddjob?

It's the most annoying,

obnoxious thing that you could

do, you know that?

[Ariel] Well,

suck sh*t Simon.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, what

are you doing tomorrow?

I think I have to work,

why, what's happening?

Well, I was thinking about

going to the station

and choosing a train

at random and...

[Simon] Don't

listen to her, Polly!

And going all the way

to the end of the line,

you wanna come?

Why?

I don't know, don't you

wanna go on an adventure?

To Frankston?

Don't you also

have a job?

(beeping)

It's baker's

delight, man.

Who gives a sh*t?

Baker's delight

probably give a sh*t.

Oh, come on.

(Humming loudly)

(rolling R's)

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