That's Not Me Page #2

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(vocal warm ups)

Pa, ka, da, you know you need,

unique, New York, but does

unique, New

York, need you.

(buzzing)

Hey Papa.

[Dad] Oh hi sweetie,

did you get the money?

I did, thank you, I'll

pay you back next week

when I get paid.

Oh, only if you

can, there's no rush.

No, I want to, I swear.

How's Mom?

She's good, she

made the short list

for Who Wants to

Be a Millionaire.

But she'll tell you

about that in a minute.

[Polly] That's great.

And, how are you?

[Polly] I'm fine.

Have you spoken

to your sister?

Did she tell you

about Summer Street?

Yeah, I knew

about that.

[Dad] Isn't

it fantastic?

Yeah, I suppose.

[Dad] My daughter, on Summer

Street, with John Davidson

and Dr. Tim.

[Polly] It's just a

guest spot, and she has

to play an albino.

Don't worry, sweetie.

You'll get your turn too.

I'm not worried, Dad.

I wouldn't have taken the

role if they offered it

to me anyway.

[Dad] Don't be silly,

of course you would have.

No, I wouldn't.

I've got that callback for the

HBO show with Jared Leto.

Oh yeah, I've

forgotten about that.

[Mom] What?

I'm just talking to Polly

about her big audition

with Jared Leto.

Well, I doubt

he's gonna be there.

Now, this Summer Street

thing, it's a big deal

for Amy, so you need

to be happy for her.

She's worked so hard.

I work hard too, and

I am happy for her.

(sighs) And anyway,

it's not a competition.

[Dad] I know, sweetie,

I wasn't saying that.

And I know it must be hard,

with her getting big roles.

I've actually gotta go

dad, I've got an important

industry networking

function to get to.

[Dad] Okay, bye.

(upbeat electro

rock music)

Ah, that's my beer.

Hello.

Um, hello.

Yeah sorry,

that's my beer.

(Speaks German)

Oh, sorry, I

didn't realize.

Where are you from?

Berlin.

I have always

wanted to go there.

Nah, I'm just

f***in' with you.

Oh, a**hole.

Oliver.

Polly.

[Oliver] Smoke?

Yeah, sure.

So what would I

have seen you in?

Last year I did

two features.

Did you see Diggers,

or The Shearer?

With Russell

Crowe, wow.

No, I don't really

watch Australian films,

but that's amazing,

congratulations.

It's not a big deal.

To be honest, I'd

really like to focus

more on directing

theater.

I'm opening a play

next month, actually.

I don't know, if I wanted

to really go for it,

acting-wise, I'd go straight

to LA for pilot season.

Yeah, I know a lot of

actors who've done that.

I've actually been thinking

about doing it, myself.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure my agent

could fix up some meetings

for me, and I could

stay with a girlfriend

who lives over there.

Do you know Zoe Cooper?

The chick from that

David Lynch film?

Yeah.

She's a babe.

Yeah.

How do you know her?

Oh, we did some acting

classes together, years ago,

but we stayed in touch, and I'm

sure it'd be fine to crash

with her for a bit.

I f***in' love Blue

Velvet, it's probably one

of my favorite

films, ever.

What's your all-time

favorite film?

It's gonna sound

really cheesy. (laughs)

Tell me.

It's a Wonderful Life, you

know, with Jimmy Stewart?

Frank Capra, no, that's adorable,

it's a beautiful film.

You have such

beautiful fair skin.

You look really

familiar, too.

Are you sure I wouldn't

have seen you in something?

My twin sister's an actor

too, you might have seen

her in some ads

or something.

Twin?

Yeah, um...

As in identical?

(Laughs) Yeah.

I mean, when you get to know

us, like our family and

friends can tell the

difference, but yes,

technically

we're identical.

And you're both actors?

So are you guys like, the

Olsen twins, or something?

It's not really

like that.

Although, I did meet John Stamos

in a shopping center once.

(laughs) But yeah, we don't

really hang out that much.

Who, you and

John Stamos?

No, me and Amy.

Oh, right, why?

Just twin stuff.

Hey, did you know

that Scarlett Johansson

has a twin brother?

Yep, Vin Diesel too,

and Kiefer Sutherland.

Yeah, Donald.

Danny DeVito, Arnold

Schwarzenegger.

I think that

was just a movie.

Yeah, but it was

based on a true story.

Really?

Actually, I have an

amazing twin story.

So, there was this girl I met

in New York, her and her

twin sister were both

ballerinas, and hot

like, hot ballerinas.

So, they both auditioned

for Julliard or some sh*t,

and get this, out of the

hundreds of applicants,

they both make it

down to the final two.

So their mom tells them not

to do the final audition,

you know, it'll

ruin them.

They both insist they'll be

happy for whoever gets in,

so they do it, and they do all

the routines like tests and

sh*t, but they

can't separate them.

So finally, it comes down to

them laying flat against the

ground, with their legs

spread out, and checking who

has the least amount of

room between their thighs

and the floor.

And the adjudicator can fit

one pinky finger underneath

one of the twin's thighs,

so they choose

her sister.

One finger,

and she's out.

So the good one goes on to

Julliard and becomes like,

a famous ballerina, and her

sister puts on 25 kilos

and ends up working

as a nurse.

How f***ing sad is that?

Yeah, I mean maybe she's

happy though, right?

It'd be a lot of pressure,

being a ballerina.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just thought it was kind

of sad that she got fat.

Everyone has

a twin story.

I didn't mean that's

what'll happen to you and

your sister, like that

she'll get fat, or whatever.

I just think, wait, so you

think I'd be the ballerina?

Sure, why not?

(breathing loudly)

(moaning)

Oh, sh*t.

I can't, I'm at that

time of the month.

Oh, I see.

No, I really am.

I totally would,

but I can't.

Oh, right.

Do you think,

maybe you could?

Oh, right.

(unzipping)

(gasps)

This one's an interview

I did for Film Press,

and here's where I was

on the set of Gatsby,

I did an attachment, Leo

was such a genuine guy.

Oh my God, you met him?

[Oliver] Nah,

not really.

So is this your place?

My mom's, she's out

of town till tomorrow.

Actually, she's coming

home quite early, though,

so it might be kind of best

if you don't stay over.

Yeah, sure.

Just because I recently

broke up with someone,

and hadn't told her, and I

just don't want to get into

that whole explanation

thing, and then have

to introduce you.

It's not a

problem, seriously.

I mean, it's almost

morning, anyway.

Yeah, totally.

Cool.

Cool party, though.

Yeah.

You got my

number, right?

Yeah.

It's a nice top.

Thanks.

Ready?

Yep

Cool.

[Man] So, hot

date, John, yeah?

I don't know, I don't think

I'm ready to date again.

You know, Pippa's only

been dead three months.

[Ariel] I have to

say, I do kind of find

John Davidson attractive.

For an old dude.

[Simon] F*** off.

What?

The man's got charisma,

there's no denying it.

(shushing)

Shut up.

In the meantime, no problem

seeing other people.

Speaking of, oh

gentlemen, look out.

I don't know, Len,

his wife just died.

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