That's Not Me Page #5

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market you as twins.

Like the Olsens.

I don't wanna be just

one-half of something.

Well, I'm sorry, dear, I'm

not sure you're even that.

(somber music)

But keep in touch.

Hey Ariel, it's me.

Wanna go to Frankston?

(indiscernable chatting)

(upbeat electro

rock music)

So Patricia dropped me.

I didn't know you

were seeing someone.

Dude, she's my agent.

Oh yeah, that's right.

I'm not even gay.

I know, I knew that.

What the f*** does

Trish know, anyway?

The most she ever did was

model for Target catalogues.

Yeah, f*** Trish.

You think I'm

talented, don't you?

Um, I don't think I've actually

ever seen you in anything.

Yeah you have, surely.

Well what was the

last thing you did?

I did The Crucible last year,

in that condemned warehouse.

Ah, I was in

New Zealand.

I did a couple of student

films the year before.

How would I

have seen them?

Oh, what about my one-woman

show of 12 Angry Men?

It was at Fringe in 2011?

I was nominated

for best newcomer.

Dude, we didn't even know

each other back then.

Is that all

you've done?

(snapping)

Hey.

Next please.

What film are you seeing?

The girl with the

tatface, obviously.

There's more than one

film screening, sir.

Hey, aren't you that

chick from Summer Street

who's dating Jared Leto?

Yes, I work casual shifts in

a cinema to stay grounded.

[Woman] Really?

No.

There's no sound

in cinema three.

Okay, I'll let

projection know.

You can go back to the

cinema, it'll be fixed

in just one moment.

Aspect ratio's

wrong too.

Okay.

Um, what the f***?

Show me that.

No, hey don't

f***in' touch me.

Is everything

okay here?

She's trying to

steal my phone.

What?

[Rude Woman] She's

a total psycho.

Polly, what's going on?

This guy's

being a c*nt.

There's no sound

in cinema three.

[Guy] Aspect ratio.

And the aspect ratio's

apparently wrong.

Thanks Pete.

I'll take over.

Thank you.

So, um, two

tickets, was it?

Tatface.

Tatface, yes.

I'm sorry, Pol.

You can't speak to

customers like that,

I've got no choice.

It was an invasion

of my privacy.

What am I

supposed to do?

You didn't have

to give them comps.

Can't you just

give me a warning?

Look, there's no way

that c*nt isn't gonna go

and complain to

head office.

If I don't fire you now,

it's my ass on the line too.

I'm sorry.

Take a Choc-top.

Are you

f***ing serious?

Like that's gonna

make things better.

I don't know, it might.

(scoffs)

Alright, take three.

See ya, Pol.

Doesn't it freak you out

when you look at the moon?

I mean, to think of it

as something spherical,

it's there, you know, it's

actually there, it's not

something that's

on a 2-D sky.

Apparently, it's

more lemon-shaped.

You know what I mean.

I don't even have

a f***ing job now.

Better than working

at Baker's Delight.

Hey, I live off

that free bread.

Yeah, and it does

make for good kindling.

I should just

go, to LA.

I should just

f***ing do it.

Totally, I'll

come with you.

[Polly] Really?

No, but you

should totally go.

Well, maybe I will.

Yeah, f*** it.

Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

Aw, but I'll miss you guys,

and I don't wanna leave

you in the lurch

with the house.

Babe, no, f*** it,

you should totally go.

Okay, we can

fill your room.

[Ariel] Easy.

Really?

Is anyone else feeling

like this is totally

the right decision

right now?

Oh my god, we should just

book your tickets right

now, so you

can't back out.

Yeah, f*** it.

Let's do it.

I'm going to Hollywood.

(laughing)

[Polly] Where's my

credit card?

(rock music loudens)

[Ariel] Yes!

Yeah! (laughs loudly)

(music stops abruptly)

You seriously did that?

You told me to.

Polly, I had taken a

lot of MDMA last night.

What?

Thanks for sharing, man.

I was in a

really open place.

You should have not have

been taking advice from me.

Oh my God, what

the f*** have I done?

Calm down.

When do you leave?

Tonight.

Sh*t.

That's really soon.

You'll have fun.

(cheerful instrumental

rock music)

The sun's in my mind, and

I'm falling out of si...

(music stops abruptly)

So, you're an actor

here on business?

I'm here for

pilot season?

This does not

look promising.

What?

Oh my God, oh my God,

please don't send me home.

Do you have any paid work

here in the United States?

No, none.

Any auditions?

No.

Any meetings?

Casting directors,

producers, directors?

No.

Do you have representation

here in the United States?

No.

Do you have an agent

or manager in Australia?

Not at the moment.

Do you have any idea

what you're doing?

No, not really.

Pilot season

was months ago.

Really?

This is a tough town.

And there are many people

out there, looking to take

advantage of someone

like yourself.

Trust me, I used

to be an actor.

Were you in an episode

of Sex and the City?

You can stay in the United

States up to 90 days.

I can?

Yeah, you're not an

actor, you're a tourist.

(cheerful soft

rock music)

(beeping)

Hello?

(beeping)

Polly.

Zoe, hey.

[Zoe] Hi.

I'm so sorry I was late, I

got held up at customs,

for like, an hour.

Oh, what happened?

Nothing, just a mix-up.

Oh, that's not good.

Yeah, come in.

(excited gasp)

Oh, hey, you must

be exhausted.

And that way.

Welcome.

Great place.

Thanks.

Yeah, it's my

little haven,

away from all

the madness.

That you so much for having

me stay at such short notice.

Yeah, it's no problem.

It's really good to see

you, it's been like, years.

Yeah.

Hey, how's your dad?

He's good.

That's really great, 'cause

I remember you missed

a few of classes 'cause

he was really sick.

No, that was Stephanie, remember

the musical theater girl?

Yeah,

oh, right.

Yeah, actually,

I think he died.

Jesus, that's awful.

Yeah.

Is my bag okay here, or?

Yeah, yeah, make

yourself at home.

I thought you

could sleep here.

Help yourself to

anything in the kitchen,

although I think I've

run out of a few things.

Maybe you could pick them

up for me from the shops,

it's just I've got this studio

meeting I've gotta go to

in a minute.

Yeah, of course.

Thanks, these ones are

specialty items, so I'll mark

the stores you

need to go to.

You might have to catch

a cab for this one,

or I could drop you there

on the way to my meeting.

Actually, you

should come.

To your meeting?

Yeah, why not?

It'd be good for you to

see you know, like what

happens behind the

scenes in Hollywood.

Are you interested

in that?

F*** yeah!

I mean, um, f***,

yeah.

Terrific, let's go.

Okay.

You can carry my bag.

Yep, sure.

Let's go.

Stay close,

follow my lead.

Hi.

[Receptionist] Hi.

I've got a

message to pass on.

[Receptionist] Okay.

What the f***!

(splashing)

(squishing)

You can tell the studio,

if it's guts they want,

Zoe Cooper has all

the chum you need.

Remember this face.

Come on, Polly.

Okay, listen.

So they're doing an all-female

remake of Jaws, right?

So I asked my agent to hook

me up with an audition

for the part of Brody,

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