That's Not Me Page #7

---

I'm at the bar,

where are you?

[Ariel on Phone] Uh,

I'm at a staff meeting.

(beeping)

I play to win.

No you're not, you're at

home, playing video games.

[Simon on Phone]

Oh, is that Polly?

Ask her what

she's wearing.

Simon says, what

are you wearing?

I'm wearing the free

dress, you fuckhead.

I thought that was

the whole plan.

I get free clothes, and we

dress up and go out drinking.

[Ariel on Phone] Oh yeah,

I forgot, I'm sorry.

[Simon on Phone] Tell her

that she's gotta come get

the rest of her stuff.

Um yeah, you gotta come pick

up the rest of your sh*t.

There's like this

huge poster of cutouts

from TV Week

or something.

F***, my vision board.

Your what?

Nothing, it's private.

Did you just

say vision board?

(laughs) Vision board.

Tell her I'm

gonna burn it.

Simon says, (laughs)

Simon says, Simon says,

burn your vision board.

[Simon on Phone] Simon says,

pull your pants down.

[Ariel on

Phone] Simon...

Hey.

Look, Amy, I don't wanna be a

f***in' stalker, but would

it kill you to answer

one of my phone calls?

I'm not actually...

Save it...

Hey, can we get

a photo with you?

Yeah, of course.

Hey, how are ya?

Thanks so much, Jack.

That schoolies movie is

like my favorite, ever.

That scene where you

take your shirt off?

Oh, well it's always nice to

meet fans, cheers, thanks,

thank you, cheers.

I don't get you, I mean one

minute we're hanging out,

we're going to the movies,

we're playing Scrabble until

three in the morning,

the next thing I know,

you're f***ing Jared Leto.

I mean, come on.

I'm not actually...

Bullshit, it's

f***in' everywhere.

I just can't stop

thinking about you.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't (mumbles).

Wait.

(smacking)

(sucking)

(groaning)

(loud breathing)

Oh, Amy, oh, Amy.

Oh wow, Amy.

Amy. (groans)

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Can I ask

you something?

Yeah.

It's gonna sound weird,

but why do you wanna

be an actor?

It's easy, it's all I ever

wanted to do, since I was

a little boy.

Who cares?

Excuse me?

I mean, really?

Well no, actually.

I wanted to work

in Milk Bar.

What.

Yeah, I wanted to live

where I worked, I put it

on a school project, but Mom

made me change it to actor,

because I'd just been a

tree in a school play.

Me too, except I wanted

to be a checkout chick.

I thought you got to keep

the money in the till.

(laughs)

Man, our parents have

a lot to answer for.

What do you mean?

Follow your dreams, you

can be anything you want.

Oh yeah, what

a bunch of d*cks.

Hey, I'm just not so sure

it's such a good thing.

Well, they only wanted

us to be happy, dude.

Yeah, but it only sets

us up for disappointment.

I mean, not everyone

can be a Oscar-winner.

Well, maybe not but...

I mean, if you even think about

like, changing directions,

or trying something else,

it's like you failed.

I don't know, I guess

that's why we have to be so

thankful for getting to

do what it is that we do.

What, unemployment?

It's okay to be proud

of your success, Amy.

(somber music)

Yeah, I was um, I was thinking

about my older sister.

She just had to move home with

my parents, she lost her job.

That's no good. I didn't

know you had a sister.

Really?

Yeah, you never really

talked about your family.

I didn't?

It's a difficult

relationship.

I forgot how

pretty you are.

I've really missed you.

I missed you too.

So what about

Jared Leto?

F*** Jared Leto.

(upbeat rock music)

You okay?

Yeah.

This place is really cool,

I never get hassled.

But I suppose you're in

a different league, now.

Not really.

[Oliver] Jack!

Ollie, hey,

how are you?

Yeah, good.

Oliver, this is...

Polly...

No, Amy.

Amy?

Yes, Amy.

Nice to meet you.

Amy, this is Oliver

Brook, he's an actor too.

More of a director

now, really.

Oh, yeah, right, sorry.

Oliver's getting a lot of

theater work as a director.

Film, I'm transitioning

to film now.

Right, cool.

Have you guys

met before?

No, absolutely not.

No, I haven't met Amy, but I

did meet your sister, Polly.

Maybe she mentioned me.

We were seeing each

other there, for a while.

No, didn't mention it.

I wanted to cast you in

something, did she mention that?

No.

Is this your

older sister?

Twin sister, actually.

Her and I once had a long

conversation about twins.

I think Polly's a little

bit jealous of you.

No she's not.

I had no idea

you had a twin.

We don't really

talk much.

We kind of fell out.

I heard.

Actually, I have a very funny

story about your sister.

It must be quite difficult

for her, being your twin.

It is, I think...

So this story, right...

That's alright, I don't

really wanna hear it.

Nah, I think you

do, it's a good one.

Bit PG-rated.

No really, it's fine.

No, go on.

Okay, so get this,

your sister actually gave

me her first blow job.

What?

[Jack] Whoa.

No she didn't.

Dude, come on.

She totally

did, is that bad?

Yes, it's disgusting

you would talk about

someone like that.

Hey, I just thought

you'd find it funny.

Yeah, well, I lied.

She did mention you.

She said you're a

narcissistic c*nt who saves

his own press clippings.

Hey, my mom does

that, not me.

So does mine, actually.

You don't like, show them

to your dates, though.

Well, that is a

little bit weird.

Yeah, well,

she was frigid.

She said your

dick stinks.

Whoa.

Your sister's a b*tch.

And so are you.

I think you should

go now, Ollie.

[Oliver] What?

Seriously, f*** off.

Alright.

(crockery clinking)

This is bullshit!

(Laughs) Your

sister's right, Amy.

The dude is a fuckwit,

everybody knows it.

I've never liked him.

I wouldn't

worry about it.

I'm so sorry, I

just feel awful.

I mean, you're

such a nice guy.

Hey, hey, it's

okay, it's all good.

So, a twin sister, huh?

She sounds pretty funny.

I'd really love to

meet her, sometime.

I don't think she

wants to talk to me.

Well, maybe you should reach

out, be the bigger person.

(buzzing)

It's just.

Are you calling me?

Um.

Hello?

Hello, Amy.

Can I call you back?

Jack,

I can explain.

Morning, Polly.

Why did you buy this?

Oh, we save all

of your clippings.

What?

Your father has a little scrapbook

he keeps for each of you.

Really?

Yes, he's been doing

it since you were kids.

Polly, what did you

think would happen?

I thought we'd get

married and have babies.

Really?

What do you

reckon, Mom?

Well, I think you probably

weren't thinking at all.

So, who's scrapbook

does this go into?

Well, ooh, well

that's a good point.

I don't know.

I might have to get your

father a second copy.

(electro

instrumental music)

[Dad] Hey Polly.

Hey Dad.

It's okay, Dad.

I don't need to

play your guitar.

Huh, oh no, Amy and

Jared are coming over.

(doorbell ringing)

That's them now.

F***.

Language. Come on,

you've got to apologize

to your sister.

Like this?

She won't care

what you're wearing.

What about Jared Leto?

Well, you can

apologize to him too.

Come on, chop chop.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes