That's What I Am Page #3

today.

It's a rather strange feeling.

I suggest if you have a book...

...now would be a good time to read.

And if you don't, well...

Well, you should always have a book

with you.

Can I help you with something, bud?

Sir, sorry. I kind of missed your porch.

- And I was just gonna put it on...

- You know, it's funny.

I've been watching you deliver

your papers there.

- You've got a hell of an arm, by the way.

- Thank you.

But somehow you just seem

to hit everybody's porch but mine.

You got any theories on that?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just a little tired

by the time I get here or...

Daddy, dinner's ready.

Even in eighth grade, there was a lot

more woman in Mary Clear...

... than any eighth grade boy

could possibly know what to do with.

And I'm convinced she knew it.

Maybe that was part of the fun.

Hi, Mary. I just threw the paper

and your dad was just...

Well, I'll just give it...

You know, there you go. Look...

I promise I won't miss next time,

Mr. Clear.

- You gotta pace yourself, bud.

- Yeah.

Every Friday, I worked in the office

during study hall.

I'd run copies of flyers to parents

announcing an open house...

...or reminders about the up-coming

car wash to raise money for the library.

Generally, whatever annoying little job

Mrs. Cranby, the assistant principal...

... affectionately known

as Old Tuna Breath...

...didn't feel like doing herself.

- Andrew.

Wait till you see the talent show program

I've designed.

I've never had so much fun in my life.

If you could just run off 600 copies,

we'll be all set.

We certainly have an interesting turnout

this year.

It looks really nice, Mrs. Cranby.

Doris Gebben plays the upright bass?

Isn't that the huge one?

She's like 3 feet tall.

Yes, indeed. Tiny, but top notch.

I understand she's very good.

Wait. Mrs. Cranby, this can't be right.

What? Is something misspelled?

Big G is gonna?

- He's gonna sing?

- Yes.

I don't get it.

Your life isn't miserable enough as it is?

You're gonna get up in front

of the whole student body and sing?

- I love to sing.

- I've known you my whole life.

Never heard you sing. Not once.

- Since when do you love to sing?

- Ever since I can remember.

Look, maybe...

I don't know. Maybe Norman's right.

I have a right to sing,

just like anybody else.

Don't you ever watch cop shows?

You have the right to remain silent.

You wanna sing? Do it in the shower.

Why don't you sing with a band?

Why sing by yourself?

I sing a cappella.

My voice is my instrument.

Oh, my God.

Why not just buy a gun

and let Ricky Brown shoot you in the eye?

I knew you wouldn't understand.

That's why I didn't tell you.

What about us?

You sing in that stupid show...

...and it's gonna make it worse

for the rest of us.

It doesn't matter what they do to us.

You said it yourself, Norman.

They'll probably just do it anyway.

I think you should sing if you want to.

I'm sorry, Norman,

but I'm going to sing.

Damn it. Why do you have

to make everything harder than it is?

- You shouldn't swear, Norman.

- Go to hell.

You deserve whatever you get.

I think he's just worried about you.

Come on. There's a few more minutes

before the bell rings.

Hey, Andy.

Mary Clear likes you.

Mary Clear likes me?

That's what I said.

- Why?

- Why?

I don't know. She's pretty much

gone steady with everybody else, so...

She told you that she wanted

to go steady with me?

Of course. She's my best friend.

She said she thinks you're cute

and don't ask me why.

Let's just say that selection

by process of elimination...

... lacked a certain romance...

...one might otherwise

have found exciting...

...even at the age of 13.

At the end of every month,

I had to collect money...

... from all the customers on my route.

It was a task I relished

for its simplicity...

... in what was becoming

an increasingly complicated world.

Hit the porch

and the customer was satisfied.

And a satisfied customer

meant payoffs.

Ranging anywhere from cash tips

to assorted snack foods.

Next stop, Mary Clear's house.

Regardless of her sudden

and mysterious interest in me...

... coupled by the fact

that I had yet to hit her porch...

... I wasn't expecting much.

Oh, hi, Andy. How's it going?

- Good. How's it going with you?

- Great.

Good.

So how's it going?

You asked me that already.

Oh, yeah.

- You said great, right?

- Yeah.

Okay, so is your mom or dad home?

I'm collecting for the paper.

Oh, yeah, here you go.

Okay, thanks.

Well...

- Here you go.

- Thanks.

- All right, well, I gotta get going.

- Yeah, I'll see you at school.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

I'll see you.

Hey, Nichol.

You're collecting for the paper.

Why'd you have to do that, Ricky?

I didn't have to.

It was my treat. What's in the bag?

Don't get up. I'll just have to knock you

back down again.

Chocolate chip.

My favorite. See you in school, Nichol.

So she paid you the money?

Yeah, which means Mary had to ask

for the money in advance. It was a setup.

Barbara Foss wasn't blowing smoke.

Mary likes me.

And this is a bad thing?

I don't know. It's weird.

I'm no different than I was

at the beginning of the year and...

I just...

I mean, I've never even talked to her.

What does that have to do

with anything?

I don't know.

It just seems like it should.

You gonna kiss her?

Yeah. Of course, I'm gonna kiss her.

- Idiot.

- You know, she's a real good kisser.

How would you know? You're the only guy

in the school that hasn't kissed her.

Yeah, right.

Like she made out with Big G.

I doubt it.

- He's probably up before you are.

- Shut up, Andy.

You and Big G

are real bosom buddies now, huh?

You shut up.

I bet you never kissed a girl

in your life, have you, Nichol?

Hey, Freel's back from suspension.

- I ran out, though.

- We'll find something.

Hey, Nichol.

How's that paper coming

in Simon's class?

Okay.

Remember you told me Mr. Simon

was your favorite teacher?

- Yeah.

- Still think so?

After he stuck you with Big G?

I don't know. I guess so.

I don't get you, Andy.

You know, my dad says Simon's a homo.

I had no idea what Modak meant.

But I sensed from his tone

that this homo thing...

... was not something Mr. Simon

should include on his rsum.

- Tell me something I don't know.

- So you're saying you like homos?

Yeah, right.

Take it easy, Andy.

Another thing you never do

is believe a guy like Bruce Modak.

I decided to investigate

the allegation myself.

- Hey, Dyer.

- Yeah.

You knew Mr. Simon was a homo,

right?

Where you been, Nichol?

I hear Simon's a homo?

Nichol, seriously? What's it like to go

around with your head up your butt?

- Good afternoon, everyone.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Simon.

I have an announcement to make.

The car I won in the newspaper contest

has arrived.

And I've asked Principal Kelner

if I could give each of you a ride.

And she said yes.

The world I dream where black and white

Whatever race you be

Will share the bounties of the earth

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