The 'Burbs

Watch it, you miserable little...

[Dog Yips]

[Yips]

Queenie!

- [Yips]

- 'Morning, Walter!

Good girl. Their lawn

needed fertilizing anyway.

[Electric Guitar Blaring]

[Continues]

I am your war machine

Yes, I am your ghetto scene

Well, I am your love of money

'Cause I found me a little honey

- I'm working for the machine

- Good morning, Lieutenant.

Mrs Rumsfield.

- Hi, Ricky.

- [Continues]

I'm working for the machine, baby

Oh, Mr Rumsfield, be careful. Queenie...

[Steps In Poop]

- Goddam

it. - Uh-oh.

Walter. Walter!

- Walter!

- I love that dude.

- Walter! Walter!

- Mark!

[Sighs] What are you doing up?

Walter's dog just took a dump

on Rumsfield's lawn again.

Good, honey.

I know you're in there, old man!

- Honey, honey, the neighbours.

- Listen up, mister.

That piece of scum,

barking rat of yours...

has just taken his last dump on my lawn!

I find one more... just one... I'm

gonna catch him and staple his ass shut!

[Yipping]

- I'm gonna do it right now.

- No, no, no! Honey, don't.

- Come on. Let's go home.

- [Yipping Continues]

- Hey, honey, I think we should move.

- [Cartoon Over TV]

- [Mumbling]

- [TVContinues]

We got an arms dealer across the

street and a crazy person down it.

- [Lowers Volume]

- All they do is fight.

Is this sweet enough?

Now these new next-door

neighbours... What is their name?

- The Klopeks?

- Mm-hmm.

- Is that a Slavic name?

- I don't know.

They've been here a month. Think they're

gonna do something about their yard?

Are you gonna eat any of this?

Oh, no. I got that thing

with my stomach again.

I wonder what was going

on over there last night.

- I knew this was gonna happen.

- What?

- Nothing.

- What did you know was going to happen?

It's started already. Look at you.

You're gonna sit around

all week doing nothing...

get bored out of your mind and go

back to work worse than you are now.

No, I'm not.

Please, let's pack up the car and go

to the lake. Just get away and rest.

You should see yourself. You were

up at dawn watching a dog poop.

You call going up to the lake resting?

It is four hours of driving on

the tollway in holiday traffic...

to sit in some dank, wet cabin...

and wait for that neighbour

with the enormous head...

to get drunk and fall down.

He's a hydrocephalic. I don't think

that you should make fun of him.

Honey, that's not my idea of restful.

This is restful:
Hanging around

the house, just being lazy.

That's what I want to do.

I just wanna... hang around.

Be lazy, listen to the ball game...

and drink a couple hundred beers.

Smoke an occasional cigar... outside.

I'll fix the barbecue in

the backyard. I'll do that.

This is what I need,

Carol. I need... this.

And at the end of the week,

I'll be a brand new human being.

It's your vacation.

- [Crow Cawing, Bushes Rustling]

- [Growling]

[Cawing Continues]

[Growling]

- [Growling, Barks]

- Shh! Quiet.

[Crow Caws]

- [Gunfire]

- Art's got a gun.

- [Vince Barking, Gunfire Continues]

- [Cawing]

- Art!

- [Gunshot Shatters Porch Light]

[Art] Hey, hi, Ray. Are

you guys eatin'in there?

You know how Suzette is

about her bird feeder.

These crows start

showing up out of nowhere.

She's all over my back to get rid of'em.

"The crows are too big for

the bird feeder," she says.

- I don't remember seeing crows around here before.

- Oh, big bastards too.

That's why I got the

gun. I'm gonna pop a few.

Why didn't you go with

Suzette to her mother's?

Hey, I'm eating here. Can you imagine

me and the two of them alone for a week?

I'd rather chew broken glass.

Uh-uh, this is gonna be a

big week for the bachelor kid.

[Carol] Vince.

- [Vince Barking]

- Vince.

How come you're not at work, Ray?

- I took the week off.

- A week off?

That's great. Are you guys

going to the lake or something?

- No, the backyard.

- Backyard?

I just want to hang

around the house and relax.

Relax? Good luck with those

maniacs you got living next door.

- Have you met the Klopeks yet?

- No.

No, I haven't. Nobody on the block has.

But I did talk to the real estate

broad that sold them the place.

Apparently, their last house

only burnt to the ground.

- Really?

- Yep.

A hideous, raging inferno. [Sniffing]

Neighbours from hell.

Maybe.

Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm not

the one who lives right next door.

Come on, let's face it.

These Klopeks are strange.

I've been watching that house

ever since they moved in.

No one goes in. No one comes out.

No visitors. No deliveries.

What do you think they're eatin', Ray?

Well, maybe these people Just

want to keep to themselves, Art.

Remember when the

Knapps lived next door?

How many conversations did you

have with the Knapps? I had two.

- Oh, come on.

- They didn't even say goodbye when they moved.

Oh, please. Don't even compare the two.

At least, if they

weren't conversational...

the Knapps were semi-normal.

They worked in their yard. They mowed

their lawn. They had a lawn to mow.

These Klopeks... We don't even

know how many of them there are.

[Boy] There are three of them.

They only come out at night.

Ricky Butler says

they're nocturnal feeders.

Oh, Ricky Butler says.

Last week when I was up on

the roof with my telescope...

I saw them in their backyard.

- What were they doing, honey?

- Digging.

- Kind of like grave diggers?

- Maybe.

All right, that's enough

of this conversation.

I want you to stop spying on

the Klopeks with Ricky Butler.

And I'd like you to stop filling his

head with such half-cocked theories.

- Where you goin'?

- I'm gonna change into my vacation togs.

Are you done with your eggs?

I'm gonna mix the zinnias in

with the rest of the flowers.

The man at the nursery said...

- Boy, that really burns my ass.

- What?

[Rumsfield] That old fart. He's

got the best lawn on the block.

And you know why?

Because he trains his

dog to crap in my yard.

- [Rock Blaring]

- Hey, Mrs Rumsfield.

No tan lines this morning.

Looks nice.

- [Continues]

- That kid next door is a meatball.

[Rumsfield Sighs] Peterson.

He came out in his robe last night when

the foreigners were making that racket.

He didn't do one thing.

- [Continues]

- So, what are you gonna do first?

I don't know.

- Hey, did I show you my new tools?

- No.

These are great. [Clears Throat]

Carol's father gave

them to me for Christmas.

[Grunts] Huh?

- Look.

- Oh, those are beauties.

- You gonna build something with those?

- I think so.

Probably.

Hey, what time does the ball game go on?

I think it's at about 1:00.

You want to go down to the deli and

get one of those beef sandwiches?

No. I'm thinking of getting one of

those electric garage door openers...

- [Door Creaking]

- And installing it.

[Creaking Continues]

- [Crow Cawing, Insects Buzzing]

- [Door Shuts]

[Softly] Ray. Ray!

Ray, come here.

What is it?

It's my neighbour.

Hey, one of the Huns

came out of the cave.

Why don't you go say hi?

Well, yeah, I guess I could.

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