The 'Burbs Page #2

This would be the perfect time.

If you go talk to him, we

could see what he's like. Go.

[Ray] You could say hi to him too.

- But he's your neighbour.

- No, he's your neighbour as well.

But you share a property line with him.

We're all on the same

block, so you could go too.

We're all in the same town,

but you're next to him.

If he was gonna borrow anything,

he'd come over to your place.

Well, he's busy now.

He's not busy. Now he's

goin' in. Go now because if...

He's going back in. If you were

gonna say hi, you should probably...

He's going into the house.

You're gonna lose him.

He's gonna go in...

- Now you've blown it, haven't you?

- No, I didn't blow it.

- Chicken. Chicken. [Clucking]

- He went into his house.

I'm not chicken because

he went into his house.

You look like a chicken in front of

your son and everything. Your son.

- [Engine Revving]

- Come on.

- If it's suddenly a big deal, let's just go say hello.

- Hey, hey, it's a joke!

- Let's say hello.

- Why so edgy?

- Come on, come on.

- Try decaf.

They're daring each other

to ring the doorbell.

- We shouldn't stare like this.

- [Chuckles]

Why don't we both go say

hello, or are you chicken?

Go for it, Mr Peterson! Yes!

- [Ricky Laughing] Whoo!

- Now everybody's watching us.

- [Ricky Shouting] Good going, man!

- Yeah, okay, yeah.

I'll go in with you. Sure. No problem.

[Throws Down Gum] Let's go.

[Art] There's bars on

the basement windows.

[Groans]

- They got holes in their porch too.

- That was a booby trap.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- I'm not gonna pay for that.

- We shouldn't pay for that. We should sue them.

[Sighs] Well, um,

let's... Let's say hello.

Hey.

[Both Yelling]

- [Screams]

- Get the hose. Hang on, men!

[Ray, Art Screaming]

- Run to me! Run to water!

- [Screaming Continues]

- [Wife Screams]

- [Ricky Laughing]

- [Both Screaming]

- Ray, over here! Run to water!

- [Continue Screaming]

- Run to me! Come on!

[Sighs]

[Ray] I think they're gone,

Mark. I think they're gone!

- You men hit?

- I cannot believe you did that.

- Neither can I.

- I cannot believe it! That was great.

The same thing happened to me

last week. I was over there.

It wasn't bees though.

It was a foaming squirrel.

In Southeast Asia, we'd call

this type of thing "bad karma."

[Carol] Honey, bee stings don't

heal if you keep playing with them.

[Ray] If we had gone to the lake,

I'd have twice as many of these.

- It isn't like anything you said is coming true.

- Where are you going?

I can't walk away without

you asking where I'm going?

I'm going to Paris, France. I'm

going to Banff, Canada, all right?

- That's where I'm going.

- [Carol] Are you taking the dog?

Yeah, yeah. I'm taking

the dog for a walk.

No, wait, wait, wait.

Hey, Vince, let's go over here, huh?

Let's not go that way tonight.

Here's a nice yard. It's a good yard.

[Art Yells] Hey, you with the dog!

[Art, Ricky Laughing]

[Art] Hey, keep that

mutt off my lawn, will ya?

All right. Have a field day.

[Barking]

He comes here to smoke cigars. His wife

won't let him. He doesn't know I know that.

Hi, Ray. How ya doin', bud?

- Hey, there, Mr Peterson.

- Good to see you.

- Wouldn't need a lighter, would you?

- Thanks.

- It is a lovely night, isn't it?

- Yeah, green sky tonight.

Green sky at morning:

Neighbour take warning.

Green sky at night?

Neighbour take flight.

Did you ever see the movie

The Sentinel, Mr Peterson?

It's about the old guy

who owned the apartment...

which is kind of like

the gateway to hell.

No, I didn't see that.

Oh, well, I was doing some thinking.

And, you know, being that their

last house burned down and all...

it's like, maybe, somebody

left the gate open.

[Rumbling, Whirring]

It's them. They're movin' around again.

It was a night just like

this that it happened.

What happened, Mr Weingartner?

It was a long time ago. Hinkley

Hills was a lot smaller then.

Safer too. You never had to lock

your doors. Everybody knew everybody.

I must have been maybe

nine, ten years old.

- You know where the big mall is?

- Yeah.

There used to be a big

drugstore on the corner there.

- It had a big soda fountain. Remember?

- Yeah.

The guy who ran it was a

rotund guy, had glasses.

His name was Skip. Lived over on Elm.

Had a wife, a couple

kids. Not too sharp.

The guy's 40 years old, he's wearing

a paper hat and making cherry Cokes.

It's a cinch he's not

running for governor, right?

Anyway, it got hot that summer.

It got real hot. It was sweltering.

That heat where your underwear

sweats and it crawls up the...

Anyway, it's hot, okay?

And they start smelling this

really vile stench over on Elm...

and they figure it's

comin' from Skip's place.

No one wants to say anything.

Do you knock on the guy's

door, "Hi, your house stinks"?

So people are trying

to ignore it, right?

They're trying to pretend it isn't

happening. You know those pine things?

They're trying to cover up with those

pine things that you can put in cars.

People are hanging

those on their porches.

[Laughing]

- Oh, you think that's funny, Ricky?

- Well, yeah.

Let me tell you what happened next.

The state health inspector

shows up. They talk to Skip.

He says he's got a sump

pump problem. They leave.

The guy's got a sewer problem.

He says he'll look after it.

Everything's okay, right?

Wrong. A couple hours later...

there's smoke pouring out of

the windows of Skip's house.

- The firemen go in. Know what they find?

- What?

Skip's family, dead. Murdered...

by Skip... weeks

earlier... with an ice pick.

Yeah, the guy killed his whole family...

- [Gulps]

- With an ice pick.

Yeah. Yeah, just put 'em

in the cool basement...

covered 'em up with a sheet and went

back to makin' treats for the townsfolk.

Only Skip didn't count on there

being a big heat wave that summer.

You know what all those people

were smelling on Elm, Ricky?

What?

Skip's family's bodies...

- decomposing in the summer heat.

- [Whistles]

Apparently, one day Skip made Just

one-too- many lemon phosphates.

[Snaps Fingers] El snappo.

I remember that. I remember

hearing about that when I was a kid.

They-They tore down the

soda fountain that fall.

These towns are full of those stories.

They're happening right under your nose.

You know, speaking of noses...

ever since this family

has moved to this block...

I've been noticing a

weird kind of odour.

Kind of like death.

- [Shouts]

- [Screams]

- [Both Laughing]

- Jump a little higher, Spud Webb.

- Oh, slam dunk!

- Sorry, Mr Peterson. It was a mistake.

- Well, it wasn't a mistake.

- Don't apologize.

- I'm goin' home.

- Oh, come on.

- Don't be a weenie. It was a joke!

- I'm sorry, Mr Peterson.

I'm gonna go do something productive.

I'm gonna go watch television.

[Alex Trebek] The answer is:

- What is Lincoln's birthday.

- [Trebek] Addley?

- [Addley] What is Memorial Day?

- Memorial Day is it. Select.

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