The 'Burbs Page #4

- Wake up and smell the coffee!

- Shh.

The kid spotted us last night.

When we were sleeping, he got up.

He went to the garbage can,

he took the body and then he...

He buried him in the backyard.

- Let's get outta here.

- I like this.

I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one

way out, and the people are weird.

- [Gasps]

- Naked ladies.

Does anyone know if Walter left

a spare key around anywhere?

He must have gone away

and forgot to feed Queenie.

- Walter!

- I hope nothing happened to him.

- I think we should call the police.

- Oh, good plan, Ray.

I think I see something moving in there.

How did you get in there?

A soldier's way saves the day. Entrez.

- [Mrs Rumsfield] Good, honey.

- [Art] Beautiful.

- Walter?

- [TV] What's been going on here?

- This doesn't look good.

- [TV] Murder, my friend.

- Murder?

- There are signs of a struggle here.

The TV's still on. Chairs turned over.

I wouldn't say that's

a sign of a struggle.

I think I should go

upstairs and check this out.

Maybe the guy's upstairs

in a bathtub or something...

cracked his head open,

there's blood everywhere...

Just don't touch anything

up there, all right?

Yes, sir, Mr Peterson.

Let's see if we can find some dog food.

I don't like this. I don't like

snooping around a neighbour's house.

You mean a dead guy's house?

You wanna take that out of your pocket?

- You wanna not steal that from Walter's house?

- Hey, what's the difference?

All this junk is gonna end up

in a flea market sooner or later.

[Ray] He might have left in a

hurry and forgot about the dog.

Okay, stay right here,

and we'll find your dish.

- Old people space out sometimes.

- [Screams]

Bull's-eye!

- [Screaming]

- What, what, what?

A dead rat! There!

[Chuckling] Honey, that's not a rat.

That's Walter's toupee.

Beautiful place to keep

a toupee:
On the stove.

- [Sighs]

- I'm starving.

One thing about these old guys:

They don't ever leave the

house without their hair.

- [Sighs]

- No, sir.

Walter left this house in a big hurry.

Hey, you guys, look!

These cookies are...

- [Ray] That's great! Everybody out!

- Great, Ricky.

I think we've broken

enough laws for one day.

- Hey, sorry, but we have not looked...

- Let's just get outta here.

It's not against the

law to break cookies.

I can't believe you

people talked me into this.

Why don't we just get out

of our neighbour's house?

- [Panting]

- "Walter, your dog is at my house.

Your window is broken because

we all thought that..."

[Muttering]

"Walter... I have your dog.

Ray."

[Yipping]

- [Crow Cawing]

- [Yipping Continues]

- Mr Klopek!

- [Yipping Continues]

Mr Klopek, hi. Ray Peterson.

- [Queenie Continues Yipping]

- Listen, I was w...

[Cawing Continues]

[Other Dogs Begin Barking]

What is this doggy-gram? This just

came for you. It might be important.

Come here. Save some for your

friend. Right there. Go on.

- Honey, have you seen your father?

- I think he's in the basement with Art.

He's playing canasta or something.

Honey?

Ray!

Art, you had a dream you were gonna win

the lottery. You blew $500 on tickets.

[Art] I can't believe you're

still bringing that up.

You had a dream a plane was gonna

crash, so you took the bus to Las Vegas.

If I had been on the plane,

it would have crashed.

This wasn't a dream. This was a vision.

These people are Satanists.

They are Satanists.

This is all gibberish.

Look, the world is full of these

kind of things. Look at this.

Black masses, mutilations. Mutilations!

The incubus, the succubus. I'm telling

you, Walter was a human sacrifice.

[Sighs] I should have gone to the lake.

[Chuckling] I should

have listened to Carol.

Listen to your wife? Who listens to

their wife? You gotta listen to me.

We gotta go down to the

religious supply store.

We gotta get ourselves a

couple of gallons of holy water.

My cousin is a priest.

He can get us a deal.

- Then we gotta go to the market.

- I don't want to hear this.

- We gotta get big strings of garlic.

- I'm not gonna listen.

- We gotta get some fresh lamb's blood.

- I'm not going to hear this.

Ray, do you want 'em to take

your family, kidnap 'em...

tear their livers out and

make some satanic pate?

[Chanting] I'm not going to hear

this. I'm not going to listen.

- Ray, you're chanting. Ray.

- [Continues Chanting]

Ray, look. Ray. Unconscious

chanting. You're chanting.

- [Continues Chanting]

- [Chanting] I want to kill everyone.

[Chanting] Satan is

good. Satan is our pal.

Ray, Ray, you're chanting. Hey.

Once they get in here, it's over, pal.

[Carol] Satanists, huh?

Ritual killers?

Nice. Very, very nice.

So let me get this straight.

The Klopeks are offering up Walter

as a human sacrifice to Beelzebub?

That's one of the theories. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Great, great.

So this is your relaxing

week at home, huh?

I wouldn't have missed

this for the world.

- A week in Jonestown.

- Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

Relax.

[Chanting, Screaming Over TV]

[Chanting, Screaming Continue]

[Chanting Intensifies]

[Screaming]

- What is it?

- [Roars]

[Roaring Continues, Priest Coughing]

[Woman Screaming]

- [Chain Saw Buzzing]

- [Woman Gasping]

[Chain Saw Continues, Woman Screaming]

[Woman Screaming] Shut it off! No!

[Sighs]

Carol?

Carol?

[Louder] Carol?

[Buzzing]

[Carol Calling] Ray.

Ray.

It was so nice of you to invite the

new neighbours over for a barbecue.

Ow.

[Indistinct Chanting]

[Art Chanting] Satan is

good. Satan is our pal.

I want to kill everyone.

Satan is good. Satan is our pal.

[Groaning]

[Walter] Oh, Ray Peterson...

whatever you do...

don't let them do to you...

what they did to me.

Ooh, I bet that hurts, huh?

[Blender Whirring]

[Crowd Cheering, Screaming]

[Thunder Rumbling]

Hey, hey, hey!

- Who the heck ordered the blood shake?

- [Demons Laughing]

Hey, Ray. It's not Skip. It's me,

Art. I'm just pretending to be Skip.

You didn't happen to see an

ice pick around here, did you?

[Laughing]

Mind your own business.

[Unsheathes Dagger]

Mind your own business!

Okay!

It's a beautiful day

in this neighbourhood

It's a beautiful day for a neighbour

Would you be mine Could you be mine

It's a neighbourly

day in this beauty wood

A neighbourly day for a beauty

Would you be mine Could you be mine

I have always wanted to have a neighbour

Just like you

I've always wanted to live

In the neighbourhood with you

So let's make the most

of this beautiful day

Since we're together I might as well say

Would you be mine Could you be mine

Won't you be my neighbour

Won't you please Won't you please

Please, won't you be my neighbour

Hey, Ray! Ray, we got a plan! Come on.

We got a plan. Come on. We got...

Sorry, boys. My husband's not feeling

well. He has to stay in his room.

- [Softly] Ooh, he was bad.

- Come on.

Please, Carol, let him come out.

[Art] Come on.

He can't come out until he

resembles the man that I married.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes