The 'Burbs Page #5

- We don't have that kind of time.

- Please let him come out.

I think that I have given you my answer.

[Barking, Growling]

[Crow Cawing]

[Art] No, no, no, no, no, no,

no. The bees came from there.

- Watch this hole.

- Okay, let's try the side door.

[Vince Growling, Barking]

[Whispers] Okay, do it.

[Whispers] Do what? We

agreed to do it together.

[Rings Doorbell]

[Hinges Creaking]

[Hinges Creaking]

Ray. Ray.

I'm only trying to take a nap.

I'm only laying here

with my eyes closed...

trying to get some goddam sleep.

Quiet, quiet, quiet. I wouldn't

wake you if it wasn't important.

- I think we flushed 'em out.

- Okay.

The Klopeks.

- Rumsfield and I, we flushed 'em out.

- How?

We wrote a note. We

slipped it under their door.

- We rang the bell, and then we ran.

- You did that?

- Yeah.

- Oh, geez! Stupid idi...

I can't believe you...

[Grunting]

All I did was write, "I

know what you've done."

- I didn't sign it or anything.

- Oh, I can't... You stupid...

- Why didn't you... God!

- You gotta goose these people.

You gotta give them a little shot,

let 'em know that you're there.

Good dog, Vince. Go get it.

Here's the thing, Art.

They're gonna think I did it.

- Why?

- The old guy saw me write a note...

and put it under Walter's door.

So they're gonna think that I did it!

You wrote a note and put it

under the... I didn't know that.

It doesn't matter 'cause

we got 'em on the run now.

Now they know that we know

that they know that we know!

Yes, it does matter! You did

it, but they're gonna suspect me!

They're not gonna suspect

anybody. They're...

- Do you know what this is?

- It's a bone.

- It's a femur.

- It's a femur bone.

A femur just happens to

be a human thigh bone, Ray.

- Wait, how do you know that?

- Biology 101.

Look at the size of this thing.

Think this came off a

chicken or something?

Where the hell did Vince get this?

[Crow Caws]

[Ray] He dug it up from

underneath the fence.

Ray. Ray, there's no doubt any more.

This is real. Your neighbours

are murdering people.

They're chopping 'em up. They're

burying 'em in their backyard.

Ray, this is Walter.

- No! [Screaming]

- [Screaming]

[Continues Screaming]

There's just got to be some

other explanation for this.

It's just some litter.

The guy's a litterbug.

It could be a candy bar

wrapper. It could be a napkin.

It could be a crumpled

up credit card receipt.

Those things blow around all the time.

It, uh... No, it's my note.

- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

- Ouch!

I didn't see you. I didn't see you.

Great. Crush a beer

can. You feel better now?

Well...

I think it's time we all stopped

acting like kindergartners.

- Don't you, Ray?

- Yes, Carol.

Now, before somebody falls off a

roof or sets themselves on fire...

I think we should go over

there, knock on their door...

and invite ourselves in for

a nice, neighbourly chat.

Get to know these people like

we should have done a month ago.

That's a good idea. I'll make brownies.

- Great. While you keep 'em busy, l...

- You're not invited.

- Can't we do this tomorrow, Carol?

- Would you relax?

We'll probably find out more in

five minutes of friendly chat...

than you guys can in a

month of snooping around.

Okay, now, everybody just act normal.

- Who is it?

- Yoo-hoo!

It's Carol Peterson from next door.

- [Groaning]

- Oh!

There go the goddam brownies.

Hi. Welcome to Mayfield

Place. We're your neighbours.

We brought dessert...

Uh, is your mother home?

Here you go, sonny. A little

something for the sweet tooth.

[Sniffs]

I can't believe you've

lived here a whole month...

and we haven't come by to say hello.

I'm your neighbour, Ray

Peterson. That's my wife, Carol.

That's Bonnie, and this is, uh...

Rumsfield's the name.

Don't think I caught yours, sonny.

- Hans.

- Hans.

[Chuckles] A fine, Christian

name. Hans Christian Andersen.

[Laughs] What, are you Catholic?

I don't know.

Oh. Pretty girl.

- Friend of yours?

- No, it came with the frame.

- "It came with the frame"?

- Yes.

Oh, is this the dining

room? Oh! You startled me.

- [Hans] My Uncle Reuben.

- How do you do?

You are the one who lives next door.

- Um... why don't we get some coffee?

- [Hans] I'll do it.

What do you say we all sit down

for a little face-to-face, eh, Reub?

They're in there, all right.

They're just standing around.

Oh, great. Don't worry,

you guys. I can get this.

- I really appreciate your help. Really.

- No problem. Just be careful.

It's pretty dangerous

with the trip wire.

Thanks for your advice.

- [Dave] W-Watch! -

[Ricky] Be careful!

- I'm watchin'. [Screams]

- [Ricky] Did you make it?

[Gasping, Coughing]

I'm all right. I'm okay, I'm okay.

Just throw me the tools. [Gasping]

- Ow!

- [Boys Laughing]

Sure was damp today.

Yes, I just can't seem to

do anything with my hair.

[Humming, Hollow Thump]

[Insect Buzzing]

A sardine?

[Buzzing Continues]

I'm trying to cut back.

Sardine?

[Buzzing Continues]

- [Coughs]

- Um...

So, how are you enjoying Hinkley Hills?

We just love it.

- Don't we?

- Yes.

Klopek. What is that, Slavic?

- No!

- [Chuckles]

About a nine on the tension scale, Reub.

How do you like living here so far?

Pretty comfortable house, ain't it?

[Raps On Wall] Good, solid walls.

[Stomps On Floor] Good, solid floors.

[Banging]

[Chuckles]

Got somebody tied up in the

old cellar, have you, Reub?

[Sneezing]

[Sneezing Continues]

[Coughs, Spits, Crumples Newspaper]

It's packing dust. I'm sorry.

So... [Rumsfield Chuckles]

Just you and Unc living here

in the house, is that it, sonny?

- No...

- Please, this is a small family:

Me, the young boy...

and my brother... the doctor.

Won't it be nice to have a

doctor in the neighbourhood?

[Cuckoo Clock Chiming]

You know, I think it's great you've been

able to stay with all the original wood.

I was never over here

when the Knapps lived here.

How unfortunate for the Knapps.

You know, it's funny, but I don't

remember seeing a moving van out front.

I don't understand that. It

was parked outside all day!

- [Rumsfield] Really?

- S- Say, how is, uh...

the... drainage on your property here?

I know when it rains at our house...

[Chuckling] boy, the basement

Just floods right over.

Basement? Ray comes

up with a winning idea.

Maybe we should go take

a look in the basement.

Maybe that was brother down there...

tapping on the ceiling

a couple minutes ago.

Who knows?

Just what kind of doctor

is this brother of yours?

Why don't you ask him yourself?

[Footsteps Ascending]

[Door Closes]

Ah, we have guests.

Sort of.

My brother, the doctor.

Werner Klopek.

[Clicks Heels] How nice to meet you.

Ray Peterson.

Oh, pardon my glove.

[Chains Rattling, Growling]

[Heavy Footsteps]

[Chains Continue Rattling]

[Growling, Thumping]

[Opera]

I thought the candles would

be romantic... for the ladies.

- Oh. [Laughs]

- They're lovely.

I really must apologize for the paint.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes