The 'Burbs Page #6

I was just touching

up one of my pictures.

I find painting relaxes me.

- [Hans Slurping]

- [Insect Buzzing]

- Sugar substitute?

- No, thank you.

[Werner] It was impolite of us not

to have introduced ourselves sooner.

I find my work is rather solitary.

It always keeps us on the move.

Did you know we've had to move

four times in as many years?

- Oh, all that moving must be very hard on you, Hans.

- [Insect Buzzing]

Indeed. And tomorrow...

Tomorrow we must all

go to the university...

to discuss yet another transfer.

No. And we're just getting to know you.

That's a shame. Isn't

that a shame, honey?

That's a shame.

Says who?

And I was just remarking...

to Hans... today...

how nice it would be...

to meet all of our new neighbours...

and here you are.

- [Rumsfield] Actually, we're not all here.

- [Werner] Oh?

Walter, the old man next door. We

don't know where the hell he is.

Oh, God! Jesus Christ!

[Yelling] Sorry! Sorry! Ow!

Terrible thing, the

plight of the elderly.

We were just remarking the other day...

about how an old guy like that...

could just drop off the face

of the Earth without a sign.

Vanish. No one ever see him

again. No trace. Nothing.

- [Kicks Floorboard]

- Right, Ray? Yesterday, wasn't it?

We werejust talking about it yesterday.

I bet you were. [Kicks Floorboard]

Why don't wejust cut all

this polite crap, all right?

What's the weird goddam noise you

got comin' outta here all the time?

Uh, I think we should go...

What have you got in

the cellar, Herr Klopek?

- [Bonnie] Mark!

- Ray.

Come on. Tell him

what you saw. Tell him.

I have to use your bathroom.

Ray, remember night before last?

- You said they were digging.

- Don't open that!

- [Rumsfield] Ray!

- [Screams]

Oh! Oh!

You keep a horse in the basement?

[Barking, Growls]

- [Screams]

- [Barking]

[Barking Continues]

[Alarm Blaring]

- Is it a burglar?

- No, it's Art.

- [Alarm Continues]

- Another neighbour?

A fat one.

Go on, you mangy mutt! [Screams]

- [Alarm Stops]

- I'm sorry if Landru frightened you.

- His size tends to overwhelm people.

- Oh, no, no.

We've imposed on you enough for one

evening. It's been lovely meeting you.

- See you, Doc. Later, Reub.

- Bye, Hans.

Yes, Doctor. It's been real.

- Are you all right?

- Yes, I'm fine.

Let's do this again

sometime... real soon.

- We'll see ourselves to the door. Honey?

- [Carol] Goodnight.

- [Footsteps Departing, Door Closes]

- [Crow Cawing]

[Carol] Okay, I admit it.

They're slightly eccentric.

[Rumsfield] "Slightly

eccentric"? Carol...

- But that doesn't mean...

- Come on!

- They chopped Walter into little pieces!

- These people are clearly psychos!

Ray, what do you think?

[Art] Yeah, what do you think?

Right. Been awfully quiet, Ray.

Maybe we could have a

little participation here.

I think they're clean. I think

Bonnie and Carol are right.

- See?

- [Art] That's great, Ray.

Just pull open the door, pull

the rip cord and bail out on us.

That's rich, considering you're the

one who started this whole thing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who

started it, tuna neck?

- "Tuna neck"?

- You instigated this whole damn thing!

You know who instigated this? Your boy

watching people dig in the backyard!

- You leave my...

- Honey, would you and Bonnie excuse us?

I think I should have a talk with

the boys in the den for a few minutes.

- Okay.

- Oh.

It's good to see you've

come to your senses, sweetie.

Just a minute or two.

So, what's the deal, Ray?

Are you siding with the

chicks against us? Is that it?

Yeah, are you totally

p*ssy-whipped or what?

Just take your balls

out of your wife's purse.

Make a stand for one time in your life.

- [Laughing]

- Hey, Ray, come on.

- It's just a figure of speech.

- It's a joke. He's kiddin' around.

Oh, it's Walter's rug.

You got an old guy's wig. Big deal.

You've had that in

your trousers all day?

After you found this in

Walter's house yesterday...

I slipped it back in

through the mail slot.

- Yeah?

- Where did you get it this time?

Klopeks? Wow.

After the dog came up

out of the basement.

I found it wedged between

a bunch of magazines...

all of which were addressed to Walter.

Then that means that...

Klopeks went back

inside Walter's house...

and got the hair.

What do we do now, soldier?

You heard them say they

were going away tomorrow.

Yeah.

As soon as that car

leaves in the morning...

I'm going over the fence and I'm not

comin' back 'til I find a dead body.

Nobody knocks off an old man in my

neighbourhood and gets away with it.

[Honking]

[Chuckles] Gentlemen, we are on alert.

Honey, you know what you could do?

Go get those flag stones at the garden

centre and put them along the walk.

Yeah, that'd be a nice project.

I've got a foursome lined up with Art

today in an hour and a half though.

I didn't mean right now. You hate golf.

Well, it's my vacation. I just

wanted to get out of the house.

I would think, after the week I

put you through, you'd want to too.

Why do I get the impression

you're trying to get rid of me?

I'm gonna be gone all day. It'd be

a good time for you to go see Evelyn.

And you have a good

time with the cousins.

I hate them, Dad. Rudy is

a moron, and Diane smells.

Have a nice weekend.

I'll see you later.

[Engine Starts, Revs]

Hey, Carol, see my new golf glove?

I got it so I don't get

blisters playing golf.

We're gonna be playing

that much golf. Really.

Fore!

Think she bought it?

Yo, Steve-man. What's the haps, dude?

You gotta come down here

today. It's gonna be live.

No, you've got to.

Something's about to

happen. I can't tell you.

[Ray] Are you sure you

know what you're doing, Art?

There's a lot of juice

going through those wires.

You hit the wrong one,

you're a Post Toastie.

Electricity is our friend.

Besides, we wanna take

out their alarms, don't we?

I was thinking we could bypass the

fence altogether and find another way in.

No one knows how many trip

alarms they have in there.

No, I can take out everything they've

got with one clip of the snips.

- Right, Captain?

- Affirmative.

[Siren Blaring]

- [Chuckles] Siren mode.

- [Siren Continues]

Pretty neat, eh?

- [Turns Off Siren]

- I can raise all the police channels...

and the power company

channels on this baby.

- [Ray] Be careful up there, Art.

- It's okay, Ray.

We gotta get going though.

We're burning daylight here.

Hey, where should we start

diggin' once we get over there?

We start in the backyard,

then check the basement.

Be careful up there. Go slow, huh?

Hey, safety is my middle name.

I thought his middle name was Louis.

Are you sure you're all right up there?

I don't know that he

knows what he's doing.

- Well, why didn't you go up there?

- It's very high.

- [Screaming]

- Oh, Jesus!

Jesus Christ! Get an

ambulance on that thing!

- I'm okay. I'm all right.

- [Hat Sizzling]

Ow! God! [Coughing]

I took a jolt, but I'm okay.

- Can you stand up?

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