The 'Burbs Page #8

What about the wig? They

found a wig in this house.

- His wig.

- The Klopeks were picking up his mail.

The doctor somehow got that wig mixed

up with the newspapers and letters.

"Doctor"? You don't believe that

this guy's a real doctor, do you?

Yes, I do believe he's a doctor.

In fact, he's a very well-respected

pathologist, my friend.

I'd say that you are damn lucky

you didn't kill him in that blast.

Oh, yeah, I thank my lucky stars.

- Take care of this nitwit.

- Sorry about your car, man.

Destruction of private property.

Destruction of public property.

Three counts of criminal trespassing.

Harassment, assault, vandalism.

And that poor old man claims

he's got a ransom note...

that says you kidnapped his dog!

Do you hear me okay, Mr Peterson?

I really do like your hair, honey.

[Art] You know, this

doesn't change a thing.

They may think it does. They may think

they're off the hook, but they're not.

No, they're not. Are they,

Ray? Go ahead, tell 'em.

We got the goods on 'em, don't we?

Someday they're gonna dig

up the back of that yard...

and they're gonna find the rest of

that skeleton to go with that femur.

- It might not be Walter, but...

- Shut up, Art! Shut up!

God, you don't know

when to quit, do you?

Look at me!

I'm a shell of a man

because of you, Art.

- Now, now...

- Soldiers!

You leave 'em alone! Get

off their case already!

They didn't do anything to us.

They didn't do anything to us!

All right, so they're different!

So they keep to themselves!

Can you blame them? They live next door

to people who break into their house...

and burn it down while

they're gone for the day.

Remember what you were saying

about people in the 'burbs?

People like Skip?

People who mow their lawn for

the 800th time and then snap?

Well, that's us! It's

not them! That's us!

We're the ones vaulting over fences

and peeking in through people's windows!

We're the ones throwing garbage

in the street and lighting fires!

We're the ones who are acting

suspicious and paranoid, Art!

We're the lunatics! Us! It's not them!

It's us.

[Sighs] I don't know what to say.

What, do you want me to move?

- [Screaming] I'm gonna kill him!

- You're crazy!

[All Screaming]

- Back off!

- Stop it! Stop it!

- [Ray] Ow! Ow! Ow!

- [Detective] Break it up!

- Stop it! Stop it!

- I don't care! I've been blown up!

Take me to the hospital!

Take me to a hospital. I'm sick.

My eye hurts. [Grunting]

Honey? I'll just...

find out what hospital

they're taking you to...

and then I'll... follow right along.

- Okay?

- [Ray] Okay, honey.

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine, Carol.

[Teenagers Laughing, Chattering]

Okay, hepcats, get off my car!

- Get off my car!

- Dude, you should hang out a little bit.

- This goes for you!

- We've got the pizza dude coming.

You imbecile! You sub-moron, you!

- [Door Closes]

- [Mumbling] Who's that?

Oh, Dr Klopek, I'm so sorry.

You know, Dr Klopek, when

I get out of prison...

I'm gonna help you rebuild your house.

I'll even do some of the

work myself. I have the tools.

Carol's father just gave

me a brand new set of tools.

Do I look like an idiot, Mr Peterson?

No.

Do you take me for an imbecile?

No.

You may have fooled the

others, Mr Peterson...

but you don't fool me.

Uh, I fooled the others?

- [Werner] But you don't fool me.

- I don't?

No, you don't.

Am I missing something, Doctor?

Come now, Mr Peterson.

You were in my basement.

Surely, you looked in the furnace.

[Stammering] I saw

your furnace, Doctor...

but I figured a man's

furnace is his own business.

You saw one of my skulls, didn't you?

Oh, yes. I know you did.

It belonged to a neighbour of yours.

The name was Knapp.

We took the house from them.

I offered to buy it, but

you know how old people are.

They grow so attached to things.

Uh, you know, Dr Klopek,

I think I forgot my wallet.

- [Grunts]

- I let you keep the femur.

Now, now, I want my skull.

- Or, perhaps, I might just take yours.

- [Coughing]

Hans.

- [Ray Groaning] Uh, hey!

- [Starts Engine]

[Screaming, Muffled]

- [Tyres Squealing]

- [Ray Yelling]

[Horns Honking]

[Ricky] Hey, the pizza dude!

[Screaming]

- [Cheering]

- Yeah! Way to go!

- [Ray Screaming]

- Far out.

Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!

I, Ray Peterson, am placing

you under citizen's arrest...

for my attempted murder!

The man doesn't know

what he's talking about.

- Citizen's arrest. Citizen's arrest.

- Oh, Ray.

Don't start with me, Carol. The man

confessed. They murdered the Knapps.

- [Werner] He's demented.

- Hey, Sherlock.

Get the Klopeks to tell you

where they buried the stiffs.

[Detective] You don't have a

stiff. You don't have any evidence.

- You do now.

- [Screams]

This your vehicle, Dr Klopek?

[Detective] Let's go, Doc.

Hey! Pinocchio!

Where are you going?

Gotcha!

[Grunting]

Don't you make a move, sonny.

I was 18 months in the bush, and I

can snap your neck in a heartbeat.

I think the message to

psychos, fanatics, murderers...

nutcases all over the world is, uh...

do not mess with suburbanites because,

uh, we're not gonna take it any more.

We're not gonna be content

to look after our lawns...

and wax our cars, paint our houses.

We're out to get 'em, Don.

We are out to get them.

- Hello.

- Hi.

[Sighs] So, what are you gonna do now?

I'm gonna pack a bag

and go up to the lake.

We got 'em, neighbour.

- Get away from him.

- [Art] Hey, you guys.

You wanna go down to Bowl-O-Rama

for a beer or something?

Man, that was an incredible choke hold

you put on me, pal. The guy's a brute.

How's that finger? Is it okay?

Where are you guys

going? Where you going?

I'm going on vacation.

"Vacation"? What, are you crazy?

This is a major media event here.

Geraldo Rivera's coming, and he's gonna

excavate the basement of the Klopeks!

It's gonna be broadcast on

satellite all over the world, live!

Art!

Your wife's home.

- And your house is on fire!

- Art, where are you?

My wife is home!

Mr Peterson, where you going?

It's just starting to get good.

I'm going away for a while, Ricky.

I want you to keep an eye

on the neighbourhood for me.

You betcha, Mr Peterson.

No problem.

[Barking]

God, I love this street.

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