The Angels' Share
PROSECUTOR:
This is an unusual case, My Lord.
The accused was at an unmanned station under
the influence of a strong fortified wine.
Railway personnel from some 20 miles away
manning security cameras
saw him staggering
towards the station's edge.
Lovely jubbly
(CHIMING ON PA)
ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Would all passengersstand back from the edge of the platform?
You with the trainers on.
You with the blue tracksuit.
Get back. There's a train coming
through here any minute.
Stand back.
Is somebody taking the piss here?
When will you do what you're told
and stand back?
- Stand back?
- That's right, you heard me. Stand back.
If you say so, pal.
Oh, sh*t!
See! Look what you've done now,
you f***ing imbecile!
Get off that track. There's a train
coming through here in seconds.
What the f*** was that, you arsehole?
I f***ing nearly broke my bottle.
F*** the bottle. Get off the track!
Hurry up! Get a f***ing move on!
I cannot find my glasses!
This is God calling.
Get off the f***ing track, will you?!
- Get a f***ing move on or you're gonna die!
- F*** me!
Move it, you f***ing arsehole!
- (TRAIN APPROACHES)
- Oh, thank f***. Oh! Sh*t.
(TRAIN HORN BLASTS)
(TRAIN WHOOSHES PAST)
JUDGE:
It seems to me, young man,that your profound stupidity
is matched only by your good fortune.
I sentence you to 180 hours
of Community Payback.
If you don't carry out the required work,
you will come back here before me
and receive a custodial sentence.
Is that clear?
ALBERT:
No, not really.The accused stole a yellow and blue
macaw from a pet shop
in the Gallowgate area of the city.
The bird was stuffed inside
a Marks & Spencer's carrier bag
with tail protruding.
On being asked for an explanation
by a police constable, the accused replied,
"Why don't you piss off and start hunting
rapists, mass murderers and perverts,
"YOU grumpy twat?"
MALE SOLICITOR:
The damage to the vending machine
was not as great as first feared, My Lord,
and it has been repaired
at very little cost.
It seems clear this of fence was committed,
unfortunately, through depression
and this recent violent outburst
is a desperate attempt
to get back inside the prison system.
PROSECUTOR:
This is a public order of fence, My Lord.
Climbing the statue of the Duke of
Wellington in the city centre.
The accused was under
the influence of drink and drugs.
He seems to bear a grudge
against public monuments.
On previous occasions he has put
a Scottish flag around Queen Victoria
and urinated on Donald Dewar.
The accused had a part-time cleaning job
three days a week.
But during this time she continued
to claim Social Security benefits.
Your Lordship will note there is
a considerable history
of fraudulent claims from the accused.
She seems unable to change her behaviour
of claiming benefits she's not entitled to.
As you will recall, My Lord,
this young man has pleaded guilty
to a violent and prolonged assault.
Now, it is accepted that the accused's
rivals in this case provoked the incident
but, at the same time, the severity
and viciousness of the accused's reaction
went far beyond self-defence.
Both the accused's rivals were assaulted
to their severe and permanent disfigurement.
Given his chaotic childhood, My Lord,
both Mr. Emmerson's parents
were frequently in and out of custody
during his formative years.
Um... he perhaps didn't
have the best start in life.
Your Lordship will note that,
following Mr. Emmerson's release
from Polmont Young Offenders Institution,
the last 10 months have been trouble-free,
My Lord,
albeit apart from this one
very serious incident.
He has formed
a stable relationship with his girlfriend.
She continues to be a positive and
stabilizing influence in his life.
The reason for that is clear.
Within 10 days, my client
will become a father for the first time.
My Lord, the prospects of fatherhood
have changed this young man,
and he would grasp one last opportunity
with both hands.
He has clashed with his girlfriend's father
on several occasions,
which gives rise to serious concern.
Stand up.
Your record is appalling.
For much of your short life
you have behaved like a thug
and the violent incidents in this case
have proven to me
that you are still a dangerous individual.
But you are obviously
a young man with energy and talent.
You have escaped a significant custodial
sentence by the skin of your teeth.
I sentence you to 300 hours
of Community Payback.
- (GAVEL POUNDS)
- (PEOPLE CLAMORING)
JUDGE:
Silence there!Silence.
- Silence there!
- WOMAN:
Silence in court!Silence!
- WOMAN:
Quiet!- (CLAMORING CONTINUES)
ROBBIE:
Oh, f***.I cannot believe that, man.
- (SOBS)
- It's okay, Leonie.
God, I thought they were gonna
put you away for years.
I'm telling you, I am never
coming back here. I'm telling you now.
One more time, Robbie,
and you're on your own.
You'd have been safer inside, you wee prick.
Watch your f***ing back.
- See you soon, you wee dick.
- Catch you after, hairy hole. (LAUGHS)
I cannot live with this. I'm not going to.
Good morning, sir.
I'm here to report for Community Payback.
- And your name is?
- It's Albert Ridley.
- You're not on here, son. - You sure?
Should be definitely on the list.
- Are you sure it's today?
- Aye, Wednesday.
- You're two days out, son.
- What?
- You're two days out.
- Two days out?
There must be... Should be definitely on it.
I'll tell you what. If you can tell me
what year it is, I'll let you come with us.
- What year it is?
- Yeah.
Feels as if I'm f***in' on
Who Wants to be a Millionaire here.
Can I phone a friend?
It's your lucky day. We're two short.
We're painting the community centre.
- Are you any good with a brush?
- I'll give it a bash, aye.
- Right, get on the bus, then.
- Cheers.
- You all right?
- Aye, I'm fine. How?
- What's your second name again?
I forgot it. - It's a secret. Ha-ha!
- It's a secret?
- I'm no telling you.
- Willy, you been drinking, pal?
- I haven't touched a drink.
- Oh, Willy.
- I haven't touched a drink. Promise.
Look, smell my breath. (EXHALES)
No touched a drink!
- Robert Emmerson.
- What name is it?
- Robert Emmerson. - Rob, it's 8:00 sharp.
It's not a taxi service.
- The bus sailed right past me. - There's
a 15 minute cut-off. You're too late.
I've gotta get my hours done, man.
Please. Please.
- Albert, have you painted before?
- Just with a can.
I'll tell you what then. Get a scraper,
you and Davey get some sandpaper.
Get out in the hallway and give it
a bit of a scraping off, will you?
Get it prepared for painting afterwards,
all right?
ALBERT:
Scrape the wall?What do you mean?
Don't take the piss. Get the scrapers,
get the sandpaper, get out there.
Davey, you go with him.
Show him what to do, will you, son?
In the corridor.
Get started as soon as you can.
There you go, Davey.
There you go, the dream team.
Right, you and PC can start on this wall.
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"The Angels' Share" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_angels'_share_19670>.
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