The Angels' Share Page #5

Couple of wee glasses of whisky,

that'll be nice.

Willy, you up for it?

- Edinburgh? Aye, I'll go. When is it?

- Weekend, mate.

Oh no, I cannot,

I've got a christening at the weekend.

Bastard.

She'll kill me if I go to Edinburgh, man.

Sorry, Harry, you need to send my apologies,

big man.

Never mind. Maybe next time, eh?

What is that?

- What's he talking about?

- I don't know.

That there. What is that?

RHINO:
What, that big thing

on top of the hill?

ALBERT:
You cannot miss that. What is that?

- That's Edinburgh Castle, Albert.

- Is it?

- Aye.

- What did they put it up there for?

- Are you taking the piss?

- No.

What did they put it up there for?

Look at it.

What did they put it up...

How the f*** do I know?

- You don't recognise Edinburgh Castle?

- No. I wouldn't have been asking you.

- You been living in a cupboard all your life?

- And what's the matter with that?

- Is there no shortbread in your house?

- You're a fool!

Next time you go home, check all the tins.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the final whisky in our initial tasting,

number five,

is, as you'll see on your chart,

a Lagavulin.

Lagavulin, 16 years old

from the Isle of Islay.

If you have a look at it,

it has a fine deep color,

and a beautiful, rich,

somewhat maritime nose.

Have a little... have a little sip.

Beautiful. It's a lovely sweet start

and then this blast of smoke

just as you swallow.

Very, very elegant.

The Prince of Islays it was once called.

- Gorgeous whisky. Like that whisky?

- Yes.

Now then, the final game.

Erm... A surprise blind tasting,

for which I need four volunteers.

Four volunteers.

- Yes, sir. Great.

- I'll do it.

First volunteer.

- What's your name?

- I'm Garrett from Oakland, California.

- California? Welcome to Edinburgh.

- The West Coast. Thank you.

- Yes, sir, well done.

- Ian McDonald, Inverness.

Inverness. Welcome to Edinburgh.

Now come on, we need another two.

I was just thinking.

One of you young guys at the back.

Let's get a younger nose.

- I'll go with you, I'll go with you.

- (ALL APPLAUDING)

- Well done. What's your name, son?

- I'm Robbie from Carntyne.

Hi. Welcome.

- Hi. Harry from Manchester.

- From Manchester?

Oh, we've got a range...

a range of locations.

Okay. One whisky.

I'll come round in front of you.

Thank you.

And I want you to try and describe it.

And possibly to guess which one it is.

Um... The color tells you

that it's probably got a bit of...

It's probably a mix of casks,

both of American oak and European oak.

A sweet nose.

Come on, describe it to me. Fruity?

- Polish I'm smelling...

- Polish? Yes.

- Wax polish.

- What, like furniture polish?

Yes. Leather and polish and...

I'd certainly agree with that.

So, in the mouth.

Big sweetness to start with.

And then tannic, drying.

Again, it's certainly got

some European oak...

Robbie? Come on, have a wee guess.

I was thinking maybe, er...

A Glenfarclas or maybe a Cragganmore.

Well, you know,

that's very interesting because

I was really swithering

between those two myself. Erm...

- Choose one.

- ROBBIE:
Glenfarclas.

Okay. Well, I'll say Cragganmore.

Cragganmore.

I don't usually get it right, actually.

Well done, boys. That was very good.

You were very close, all of you.

Well done. That's great.

In your personal opinion,

not from a book or anything,

what is the finest tasting whisky

in the world that you've ever tasted?

Last night, coincidentally,

I was asked to look at a sample

of a whisky which...

I really do think would be a 10,

a 10 out of 10.

It was the most incredible whisky.

MAN 1:
Can you tell us what it was?

MAN 2:
Come on, please.

But it will come to auction

within the next couple of weeks,

and my goodness, it'll be all over the...

all over the press.

Erm... It was a strange story

associated with it because

the distillery itself closed

in the early 1960s

and the cask was discovered in a warehouse

a long, long way from where

the original making distillery was located.

And it's supposed that it might have been

an exchange on marriage

between the manager of the distillery

which made this whisky

and the manager of the distillery

where it was found.

GARRETT:
You said it's going

to public auction.

Can you give me an idea... a rough idea

of how much a bottle would be worth?

This whisky is so rare... that, erm...

it's unknown.

And a cask of it is simply beyond price.

Never judge a book by its cover, eh?

Can I ask you something?

Try this.

What do you think?

That's easy.

Where did you pick that up?

You've got a very good nose.

Here. Take my card. You never know.

- Thaddeus Maloney?

- Whisky collector.

Know how that whisky guy?

He was standing talking to somebody

and left his papers on the table.

I nicked this from the pile.

I know where the distillery is and the cask.

It's a Malt Mill.

Are you f***ing mad, Mo?

What? This could be our big chance

to make money, Robbie.

Make money? If I get caught doing anything

like that, I'll get five years at least.

Do you think they're gonna suspect

scruffs like us?

Look, Mo, I've told Leonie,

I'm done with all of that.

Just hurry up, man. Look, you get caught

every time anyway. Come on.

- Are you sure you have the right address?

- I'm positive.

Maybe I should just wait.

Don't want to f*** up, Leonie.

It's all right, she knows all about you.

Look, it's my auntie's best pal. Come on.

It's on a timer so just change it

to suit yourselves, yeah?

Show you the bathroom? Okay.

Oh, and fridge and freezer's just there.

Basic bathroom. Toilet down the back.

Sink's just there and you've got a bath.

And there's actually a shower over the bath.

And I'll show you, the bedroom's just here.

- It's lovely.

- Thank you.

What I'll do is,

I'll clear out some space in the wardrobe

so you can hang up your belongings.

Give you plenty of room.

All right, well, I'll show you

the living room.

It's so beautiful.

Robbie, what do you think?

Why are you doing this for us?

GRACE:
Someone gave me a chance once

and it changed my life.

And it sure sounds like

you two could do with some luck.

Anyway, I'm only in London for six months.

Thanks, Grace.

Thank you.

Now, I can drop you off in the city centre.

Is that okay?

That'd be great.

Thanks very much, that's perfect.

- Thanks, Grace.

- No problem. It's just over here.

(BABY FUSSING)

Hey, wee man, don't start crying now.

I'll take him.

There you go. That's a good boy.

Leonie, do you want to just go

and I'll catch up with you later?

- How? What's up? - Nothing.

I just want to get a feel for the area.

- It's still a bit of a shock.

- That's fine.

Aye, okay. Just give me a call, then.

- See you later.

- See you later, right.

You f***ing prick! F***ing following me!

- No, I was seeing my pal.

- Seeing a pal?

- F***ing dick.

- (KNIFE CLICKS)

Do you no f***ing understand, you prick?

Eh?

I just want to have my life!

With my f***ing family.

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