The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

Miss Susan.

Miss Susan.

Miss Susan?

-Just five more minutes, Bessie.

-No, ma'am. Now!

But, Bessie, I feel absolutely sklonklish.

You sklonklish yourself

down to breakfast.

I'm getting the judge

up right now.

I'm up.

Sklonklish. When I went to school

they taught us to speak English.

Judge Turner?

Judge Turner.

Judge Turner.

-Five more minutes.

-Breakfast is ready, Your Honor.

-What time is it?

-It's a few minutes past 8.

-Is my sister up?

-Yes, Miss Margaret.

She was feeling a little sklonklish today,

but I got her up.

Next time she tells you she feels sklonklish,

you tell her not to be a clunk.

Thanks, Your Honor. I dig you.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

Good morning, dear.

Hello?

Hi, Jerry.

No, we have to listen to a speech

this afternoon. Good deal, Neil.

Susan, your breakfast

is on the table.

Hang on a second.

Sorry I'm late, sis.

-Did you sleep well?

-Oh, sklonklish.

Don't be a clunk, Miss Susan.

-You've been coaching her.

-Someone has to protect her.

You know the case you were trying?

The man who ran away

with a 16-year-old girl?

-What did you give him?

-Three years.

That'll cost me $3.

I always bet you won't sentence people.

That's ridiculous.

How have you been doing?

You've cost me a fortune.

If you're interested in a more exact

science, spend time on geometry.

I don't consider geometry

a part of life.

Mr. Roberts does.

You're his first student to define a triangle

as two women crazy about one man.

-Mr. Roberts is definitely decadent.

-Is he?

-Margaret.

-How much?

Only $3. Just as an advance

on my allowance.

You're already working on 1949.

But no more betting.

Thank you very much.

I wonder why you're so good to me.

You know I'd die for you,

only sometimes it's hard living with you.

The call of the wild.

I've got to go.

-You haven't eaten breakfast.

-Thanks. Bye.

I can't talk now.

-Bessie.

-Yes, ma'am?

Have you been following the case

about the man who ran away with the girl?

Yes, ma'am, I have.

As a matter of curiosity, do you think

my sentence was too severe?

No, I would have given him 10 years.

-Would you?

-I certainly would.

Thank you, Bessie.

I was just curious.

That must be the judges.

Yes, I mustn't keep them waiting.

Oh, thank you.

Your Honor.

-Goodbye, Bessie.

-Goodbye, Miss Margaret.

Exit woman, enter judge.

More's the pity.

Uncle Matt, I take exception

to your innuendo.

I'm no problem to you.

You should concern yourself with Susan.

Nothing wrong that the firm hand

of a man in the house wouldn't cure.

If you'd listen to me,

you wouldn't have this problem.

And I've been telling you

I will not put up...

...with your constant attempts

to get me married.

Come in.

Good morning, good morning.

-Good morning, Margaret and Herr Doctor.

-Good morning, Chamberlain.

Margaret, I found a copy of the rare old

English writ of exigi facias.

Thank you, Tommy.

If that's the night-blooming exigi facias,

you can put it in a vase and water it.

You seem a little truculent this morning.

Physician, heal thyself.

See you later, Margaret.

I'm not as much interested

in the woman getting married...

...as I am in making sure

that she marries the right man.

I don't think he likes me. It's a sixth sense

one acquires in the district attorney's office.

Uncle Matt has a personal life

beyond his job as court psychiatrist...

...and occasionally

they become confused.

Yes, I guess so.

Speaking of combining work and pleasure...

...I understand you're reviewing

the Richard Nugent case. I have an interest--

You know I don't like that.

If your gift is in the nature of bribe--

Oh, put it out of your head.

But this man has given us great difficulty--

You'd better go where you were going,

and I'll go where I was going.

Very well.

But remember, absit invidia.

-We're ready, Your Honor.

-All right, Mac.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear the evidence you'll give...

...in this matter of The State vs. Richard

Nugent shall be the truth, so help you God?

-Yes.

-Step up to the bench.

-Go ahead.

-We picked up Richard Nugent...

...in the Vampire Club on a riot call.

When we got there, there was a free-for-all,

and Nugent was at the bottom of it.

Which of you is Nugent?

Mr. Nugent isn't here.

I'm representing him.

-Is he in the hospital?

-No, Your Honor. He's out on bail.

Does he know the hearing was for 9 a.m.?

Yes, I'm sure he'll be here. He must have

been unavoidably detained somewhere.

If he's not here in a few minutes...

...I'll issue a bench warrant

and forfeit his bail.

-But--

-I'll hear the complaining witnesses.

-May I have your name?

-My name is Anthony Herman.

I work at the Vampire Club.

-In what capacity?

-To maintain order.

I throw people out

that raise a disturbance.

-What happened last night?

-I got back from the front of the house...

...where I had to maintain order

on a gentleman who said our music stunk.

When I returned to my usual post, I became

aware of loud activities and screams.

As I rush over to maintain order,

a straight left catches me, as you can see.

A short time later,

I'm informed that the disturbance is over.

There's one thing I remember. Mr. Nugent

was the center of the disturbance.

-But you didn't actually see him fighting?

-He was fighting. If I get my hands--

-The whole thing was your fault.

-Shut up.

Quiet in the courtroom. Quiet.

-Your name?

-Miss Agnes Prescott.

Go on.

I'm also employed at the Vampire Club

as an entertainer.

A modern singer of modern songs.

I've known Mr. Nugent for some time.

I posed for him. In costume.

I posed for Mr. Nugent too.

In costume.

-Shall I continue, Your Honor?

-By all means.

Last night, Mr. Nugent dropped in

to renew our acquaintance.

While we were having words at his table...

...we were accosted by this lady,

which I resented.

Harsh words were exchanged,

and Mr. Nugent came to my defense.

-That's a lie. I knew him first.

-Don't call me a liar.

-Please, please. Everybody's listening!

-Just a moment.

Your client Mr. Nugent

has exactly 60 seconds.

Mr. Nugent's lack of punctuality is no

surprise to the district attorney's office.

-Indeed?

-Chamberlain has an interest in this case.

This is the third occasion Nugent has

been involved in a public disturbance.

I object to these remarks.

They're intended to prejudice the court.

I think only the facts in this case

should be considered.

Your Honor, I feel it's important--

It's important I consider only

the evidence presented in this matter.

-Very well, Your Honor.

-Don't sulk about it.

I'll move over, lady.

Good morning.

-Good morning, Walters.

-Morning.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

Morning.

May I assume that this is Mr. Nugent,

the defendant?

I'm frankly and honestly delighted,

Your Honor.

-Is it all right for us to go ahead?

-Well, I'm sorry, but--

-I hope we haven't inconvenienced you.

-Oh, no. It's just--

I know. Your watch is slow.

Stopped. Forgot to wind it.

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