The Belles of St. Trinian's Page #2

Two o'clock's the first race.

It's gone one now.

It's only half an hour to the course.

Hold that a minute.

Carry on, Sam, and don't dawdle.

OK, gov.

You'll show the girls round the school,

won't you, Miss Buckland?

- I will, Miss Fritton.

- Right. Off you go.

Good bye!

Ah, Miss Holland, come right in.

- Oh, the post.

- It is.

Quite a collection.

There isn't any food in the school.

Unless the tradespeople are paid,

there won't be.

- There may be some cheques there.

- Cheques are no good.

- Some of them might be!

- We need cash!

Want me to draw it on the blackboard?

Unless we get food today,

you might as well close the dump.

Please do not refer

to my school as a "dump".

Your school?

You mean the bank's school,

the pawnbroker's school.

And I suppose that's where the school's

challenge cups have gone again.

- I needed a holiday.

- You'll have a long one soon.

How do you think you can carry on

with an overdraft and bouncing cheques?

Some of them have not bounced,

Miss Holland.

They're merely post-dated.

What is the use of cheques

dated 1956, 7, 8 and 9?

Well, I was...

I was taking the long-term view.

It's this term you want

to think about, my lady.

You live in a sort of dream world,

queening it over this heathen rabble!

Why don't you enquire what families

they come from before you accept them?

You know, Miss Holland,

I sometimes think

you haven't

one ounce of humanity in you

and I suppose the truth is

that I have too much.

Yes, I sometimes think it's just

the frustrated mother instinct in me

that... that urges me on.

This... this must be a letter

from the Sultan.

Oh, yes. Look, Holland. A cheque.

A cheque for two terms in advance.

Miss Fritton, must I keep repeating?

We need cash!

Oh, but I dare say, we shall have it,

we shall have it.

Oh, just listen to this.

He wants Fatima to take piano,

horse riding, Greek dancing,

verse speaking and all kinds of extras.

We need cash! And now!

"I have given Fatima

100 pocket money."

100...

...pocket money!

Holland, not only do I think

that this is the silver lining,

but I fancy it will be muffins for tea.

This is where we, mistresses, relax

in our free time.

Hello, everybody.

I said, hello, everybody.

I've brought the new girls to meet you.

This is Fatima,

the Princess of Makyad, you know,

Daphne and Celeste.

This is Miss Brimmer. She'll be

taking you in art and handicrafts.

- Like a tot, Aggie?

- No, thank you.

This is Miss Wilson. She teaches maths.

I say, would you mind getting the kids

off the eye line, old sport?

Really, Sybil!

Mademoiselle de Saint Emilion,

your French mistress.

Enchante.

This is Miss Drownder.

She'll be taking you in geography...

some of the time. Come along, girls.

And this is Miss Gale who will

be taking you in English literature.

'Ello, ducks. How are you?

I hope you like it here.

Come along, girls. Come along.

Like it here? Like it here?

That's a funny one!

Really, Brimmer, you might at least wait

until they're out of earshot!

If Fritton would only pay

what she owes me,

I'd have been out of this dump

like a shot!

You wouldn't see me for dust.

Oh, if only I had the courage

to give myself up.

The food would be better

and the company.

I'm not complaining. I haven't got

a single jolly qualification.

Still, if we've got to stick here,

we ought to make an effort

to prize some dough out of the old witch.

Good morning, all.

I hope you enjoyed your holidays.

Oh, this place.

It always reminds me

of a ladies' powder room in Port Said.

But if I may interrupt you to tell you

that I've had the usual communication

from the Ministry,

only this time they're threatening

to close the school.

Thank heavens someone's seen the light.

May I remind you, Miss Waters,

that if this school closes,

it'll be at least five years

before you see the light.

But, seriously, ladies,

I think we ought to attempt

to affect at least an appearance

of improvement this term.

I'm sure that if we all pull together,

we can manage

the odd school certificate.

You realise none of us

has been paid since Easter.

I know that. I know that.

- And, believe me, it's on my conscience.

- Well, get if off your conscience!

I have the greatest hopes of doing so.

Shortly.

We have several affluent pupils

this term,

including

the Sultan of Makyad's daughter.

He must be crazy to send her here.

Doubtless, doubtless,

but the point is we've got her

and it's not merely

what he's prepared to spend.

Goodness knows,

money appears to be no object.

He's given her 100 pocket money.

- How much?

- 100.

But it's what it may lead to

that is important.

I'm told that the Sultan

has at least 17 other daughters.

Well, of course, I don't want

to be too optimistic, ladies,

but I really think that the tide

has ceased to ebb and it's about to...

I understand your father gave you

100 pocket money, my dear.

That's a lot of cash to carry around here.

Most unwise. Almost fatal, in fact.

Now, if you give it to me,

I'll look after it for you.

Hurry. Come on. Cough up. Where is it?

What's it say?

Well, what do you know!

The old so-and-so!

Come on, girls. Off you go to bed.

No messing about!

Another bedtime, another term.

Oh, it's good to be back in harness again.

Oh, yes.

For some, just routine,

but for us, my dear Prudence,

the breath of life.

Listen.

Term has begun!

Come in.

Superintendent Kemp Bird

of the Barchester Constabulary, sir.

Ah, sit down, Superintendent.

It isn't often we have the pleasure

of entertaining the police here.

- Cigarette?

- Thank you.

I... I'm sorry

I wasn't more explicit in my letter.

Thank you.

It's... it's not the sort of thing

one can discuss on paper.

Oh, you intrigue me.

Well, it's about a girls' school

called... St Trinian's.

Pardon me.

Not at all.

You... you know all about it, I see.

You observe the abnormal size

of the "T" file.

What sort of line have you taken?

In the first place,

I sent one of my best men to inspect it.

- And what did he report?

- He never came back.

- I beg your pardon?

- Disappeared. Completely.

- What did you do, then?

- Send another man after him.

- Oh, and he bought him back?

- No, he disappeared, too.

You sent two inspectors

and never heard of either of them again?

- Not a word.

- But why didn't you inform the police?

It's hardly the sort of thing the Ministry

wants to draw attention to.

Besides, I knew they were all right.

They kept drawing their pay.

I put a stop to that in the end.

- You simply accepted the situation?

- Superintendent, bear with me, please!

This school has practically reduced me

to a nervous wreck!

A year ago, I went to a psychiatrist.

He told me to put it out of my mind.

That's what I've done.

Now my secretary just sends them

routine letters and I sign them.

My dear fellow,

I wouldn't trouble you now,

but there's been

a positive crime wave in the area.

Arson, forged fivers, poison pen letters.

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