The Belles of St. Trinian's Page #5

No, no, no, not bad news. Disastrous!

I don't know how I ever got into

partnership with such a nervous wreck!

Couldn't we nobble Arab Boy, Pop?

Don't you dare talk like that here!

Well, we've got Arab Boy's stable lad

eating out of our hands.

We could fix him with 100 nicker,

easy as falling off a log.

I'm not listening!

Fancy you suggesting schemes like that

to your poor distracted father!

Go on! Go on! Back to school,

where you belong, you... you wicked girl.

OK. But think it over, Pop.

You're in a spot.

And we've got the contact

and we've got the organisation.

Talk it over with Benny.

Leave this office at once!

Well, if you change your mind,

slip down tomorrow.

There'll be some parents down

for the hockey match. So long!

Come on, girls!

At the double, for goodness' sake!

Come on! You know the match starts

in half an hour.

OK!

Come on, girls!

You really are the laziest lot I ever saw!

Matron mended the net.

You might at least

show some keenness by getting it up.

Listen, we don't wanna know!

Well, really! At my other school...

You know, it's a funny thing.

Surely this goal's smaller than that one.

- Only two feet.

- It's our goal!

How do you know it's our goal?

We haven't won the toss yet.

- We always win the toss.

- How?

Hold this.

Two heads? That's cheating!

- Nark it!

- No, I refuse to nark it.

What's the advantage? You've got

to change over for the second half.

- Never is a second half.

- Give it to me! Gracious me!

I thought hockey was a game,

but with you girls

it's more like jungle warfare.

Lucretia, hold this thing taut

at the back.

Girls!

Girls! Amanda!

Come back! I never saw such girls!

Come back this minute!

Come back! Amanda!

Girls!

Girls! You really are a crummy lot!

Girls!

Girls! Where are you? Girls!

Hello, darling!

Hello. Who's this?

It's Creepy, our new games mistress.

Come on in, sport.

Make yourself at home.

Give her a drink, Bubbles, dear.

Mademoiselle,

would you tell me what's going on?

Lunch!

Poulet a Ia culbufera!

Aubergines a la vauclusienne

avec pommes Pont-Neuf. Voila!

I've never seen anything so disgusting

in my life. At a girls' school, too.

I shall go and tell Miss Fritton at once.

Come in.

Miss Fritton, you have no idea

what's going on in the summerhouse.

There are two strange men in there.

It's practically an orgy!

What are you saying, Miss Crawley?

What are they doing?

They're having a "French" lunch.

- The lotus eaters.

- The what?

The lotus eaters, they... they meet

and discuss things, I believe.

Mr Rowbottom-Smith is our gardener

and Mr Woodley is our fencing master.

They used to be

with the Ministry of Education,

so, you see,

there's nothing to worry about.

You mean

they're Ministry of Education inspectors?

Well, they were,

but they seemed to like it better here.

We were short of staff, you know,

and somehow, well, it all fitted in.

The girls adore them!

The whole situation

has me bereft of words! I can only say...

What can I say?

Whatever you like, Miss Crawley.

Only please...

Ah, that must be our girls giving

a rousing welcome to their opponents.

Well, now, I've given you a cong.

Your place is on the hockey field.

Yes, Miss Fritton.

Psst!

What are you doing here?

Will you please knock before entering?

No! I don't want nobody to see me!

'Ere, there's something

going on in this joint.

- Isn't there always?

- This letter. I opened it this afternoon.

Posted in the school box

by one of your mistresses.

Tell me, do you always open

the school correspondence?

- Not all of it.

- Oh. Give me that letter at once.

What's this?

"The Superintendent Kemp Bird.

Barchester Constabulary, Barchester"?

- It's from Miss Crawley.

- But it's signed "Sergeant Gates".

Ah, that's her, see?

"Re:
St Trinian's I have to report..."

Do you mean that this woman

is a detective?

A copper's nark in skirt.

Oh, dear. Oh, but this is terrible.

"Re:
St Trinian's

I have to report the following,

"that there is an illicit still

on the premises."

It ain't a still. It's a home-made gadget

for making bathtub gin.

"There is a man here

called Flash Harry who..."

- Is that...?

- Yeah.

But she had no right to call me that

in official documents.

- "...who acts as a contact man..."

- That's a lie! I'm a go-between.

"And gambling is rife in the school

"and there is

a complete racing service..."

What have you got in your hair?

'Oney and flowers.

Well, do you mind putting on your hat?

"I cannot stand it much longer.

"No woman

has suffered so much for love."

Signed, Ruby.

And followed by five crosses.

You know, it's my deduction

that that's a private signal

between him and her.

The sheer effrontery

of sending a private detective here!

What a bloomin' nerve!

Ain't been no murders here. Not so far.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- I don't know. I really don't know!

- What me to fix her?

- Certainly not!

- What do you mean "fix her"?

- Chuck her out.

Oh, is that all? No, on the whole,

that would only precipitate trouble.

Ignore her. Tear up that letter. Get rid

of that contraption in the laboratory.

- And take a holiday in Southend.

- I don't like Southend.

Well, wherever you wish to go.

Though I strongly disapprove

of you opening letters,

I'm prepared to make an exception

in the case of Miss Crawley.

Leave it to Flash.

Sit down, Pop.

I figured you'd come round to my way

of thinking, so I got the gang together.

- So you did.

- We've got it all laid on the line.

Amanda takes Bert, the stableboy, to

the flicks tonight and swings it on him.

100 an hour and another 100

when the Prince wins.

200 quid?

What are you proposing

that this... this Bert should do?

- Can you get hold of a horse box?

- Why?

Send it to the school riding stables

outside the village at four tomorrow.

Arab Boy will be in number one box.

Are you suggesting

that we... we should steal the horse?

- No! Borrow it!

- Borrow it?

Just for a couple of days.

You only want the Prince to win.

Get cracking, sisters!

We've got to win this cup!

Stick around, Pop,

and see some hot hockey!

A real chip 0' the old block, she is!

What a girl!

Don't say that, Benny. Don't say that!

It makes my blood run cold.

- It should be a very pleasant experience.

- Yes, yes.

Come on, sillies! Where's your stick?

T-O-U-G-H B-A-B-I-E-S!

Tough babies! St Trinian's!

Heads.

10-1 against Bilston.

Place your bets now!

Patronise the old firm...

Did you see that? Did you see

what that girl did to the referee?

Yes! Yes, indeed. And a goal! A goal!

But there's no referee!

- There's no referee!

- No.

Place your bets now!

But you can't conceivably allow that goal!

The referee is unconscious.

We don't usually worry.

I demand that another referee

be appointed at once.

10-1 Bilston. 10-1...

50-1 Bilston!

Look what's going on over there!

Look at that girl with a croquet mallet.

If you don't appoint a referee at once,

I shall stop the game!

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