The Cat's Meow Page #2

next weekend?

Jesus, Charlie! You didn't get me

into bed and you're not going to.

- Says who? You or Captain Willie?

- Says me.

I've got to go help

little Miss Lolly...

I mean it!

You start anything, I'll throw you

and your smirk overboard.

Marion!

Do you believe

I would've stayed away?

No.

But you should really believe

that I wanted you to.

I won't have anybody

walk on this boat

without being

introduced to everybody.

Lolly, this is everybody.

Everybody, this is Lolly.

- Hi.

- Louella Parsons.

This is one of Willie's

insightful movie reviewers.

Especially because of the wonderful

things she writes about me.

And...

I wrote them before I knew

you were Mr. Hearst's...

You know, before you

and the boss... I knew that...

Uhm...

Gosh, this thing

is big, isn't it?

Yes, dear, but does he know

how to use it?

Well, that's that.

I'll get the captain

so we can shove off.

Did you hear that, Pops?

I'm coming up.

Very convincing.

- Oh, is anyone here yet?

- Everyone's here and you know it.

Are you gonna come down

from Mount Olympus or what?

There's no need

for sarcasm, Marion.

You're the one up here in

radio central spying on everyone.

- Those who have nothing to fear...

- Save the Bible quotes.

- It's not from the Bible.

- Whoever then.

Fine, go right ahead

and keep spying

'cause there's nothing to see.

There have been whispers.

Stop listening to whispers

and listen to me.

There's nothing going on

between me and Charlie.

Okay?

I bought you something...

in New York.

- Willie...

It's beautiful.

But you already gave me

a butterfly brooch.

Oh no! That's diamonds and rubies.

This is diamonds and jade.

You don't have

one of these.

There are a lot of things

I don't have.

- If you love someone...

- You can't buy me all of them.

you try to get them

what they don't get themselves.

I love you so much.

Don't ever stop.

And I'll always be here,

don't you know that?

Thank you.

Every time you thank me...

what do I say?

"Shut up and keep me happy, Pops."

Exactly.

Ah, Dr. Goodman.

I didn't see you come on board.

You know me, Joe.

Elusive as ever.

- How's the chief today?

- A little edgy, Dan.

- Marion?

- Why else?

No, I mean, how is Marion?

Oh. The usual.

- Spunky.

- Uh-huh.

Permission to come aboard!

Here we go.

- Frank, how are you?

- Joseph!

- Not late, are we?

- Not at all, not at all.

- Who's he?

- Boring Frank Barham,

the pill of the

Hearst publishing world.

They are invited to remind WR

that for every one of us

- There are two of them.

- What's the wife called?

Who knows?

Oh my word!

What a big boat!

Correction, who cares?

Marion! Marion, honey.

Do you trust Tom Ince?

Do you trust him?

Well, he doesn't drink

during the day.

- Can't trust him.

- Hmm? Oh...

And I better not catch you two

talking business.

- Or what?

- Or you'll get yours.

Aww...

Well, here he is.

Finally.

Welcome!

Such a remarkable

economy of words

for one who controls

more print than Jesus Christ.

Take that back, or I'll have

to dishonor your good name.

I hope someone does.

I'm feeling rather frisky.

Lolly, Madam Glyn

would like a word.

Bastard!

Mrs. Glyn, I've read every one

of your wonderful,

wonderful books.

How lovely for you, dear,

but do forgive me,

I have to go to write another one.

Chief, it's nearly noon.

We should try to keep on schedule.

Stop!

Raise the gangplank!

- No!

- Oh my God!

- Wait!

- Stop!

Oh, thank God.

He always does this to us!

Every time!

I'm sweating like a pig.

How am I gonna land anyone

with sweat dripping down my nose?

Don't b*tch, Didi,

I'm not in the mood.

Hi! Hello!

I think this is going to be

a most enjoyable boat ride.

Yeah... the cat's meow.

That's it everybody!

Out to sea!

Wow.

Jesus Christ, Tom!

- You want everyone to hear you?

- Yes!

- Be sensible, please.

- God!

You said this time

was going to be different,

that I was going to come off

George's arm and onto yours.

You will.

We've gotta be delicate.

We've got to find

the right moment.

No one cares

if you're having an affair.

Look at Hearst and Marion,

for Christ's sake!

Mrs. Hearst knows about Marion.

She doesn't approve of divorce,

but she approved the arrangement.

She wants to stay

a very rich woman

with the last name of Hearst.

Who can blame her?

Now it's your innocent,

vulnerable wife who's the excuse.

I'm trying to make

a deal with the guy.

So not getting

on his morally objectionable side...

The man's whole life

is morally objectionable!

You're getting loud!

Sorry. You just...

get me crazy sometimes.

No, you're right.

I'm sorry. It's my fault.

I'm not giving you a chance

to strut your stuff.

- I don't want to strut my stuff...

- See, there you go...

- You're selling yourself short.

- I just want to strut with you.

You're a fabulous actress

and you should be

given a chance to shine.

We can't be pushy is all I'm saying.

Let me work some of my magic

on the old man...

and we'll get you noticed.

As an actress

or on your arm?

The lady places a tall order,

but maybe we can do both.

- Yeah?

- Hmm...

Okay.

"Flames of Youth"?

Dear God!

WR,

you're early for dinner.

I always like to come out

just before sundown.

The best time

to watch for seagulls.

What? Oh, yeah.

Beautiful creatures.

You know, Tom,

I just love movies.

I always thought the press

was the most powerful thing

for a communicator

- But that's not true these days.

- You're absolutely right.

Words don't always translate well

across seven continents.

But through those fabulous,

fabulous moving pictures...

Well, it's a universal language,

and morality and politics...

and any other goddamn thing

I can put into someone's head.

Son of a b*tch!

Your days are numbered,

you little bastard!

You gotta keep your gun low

or else they see it.

Yeah, yeah... I see.

- Can I be frank with you, WR?

- You can be whoever you like, Tom.

I think your eye for movies

is right on target.

- You do?

- But you have to face facts.

There's some things

even you can't control.

- Like what?

- Your whole empire,

your family,

is based on the east coast.

- The movies are in California.

- I'm aware of that.

You should also be aware

that movie producers

can't send orders over the telephone

and they can't have yes men

represent them

when real decisions...

You're being

almost inexcusably frank.

God damn it!

There's a lot of money

in movies, WR.

Yeah, mine!

I've made millions

from this business and...

we both know that despite

the quality of your pictures

you've never made back a dime...

All right, suppose I believe

your frank observations,

are you implying that Thomas H. Ince

can make a difference?

I'm not implying,

I'm stating.

I'm talking about personally

overseeing Cosmopolitan Pictures.

- Marion's career in particular.

- How personally?

Well...

consulting with you on which scripts

and directors are right for her.

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