The Caveman's Valentine Page #2

You-You know

about Leppenraub?

Apparently, everybody

knows about Leppenraub.

Scotty Gates was going all over town

crying how Leppenraub had abused him.

So what? I think the same

thing about my employer.

He told everyone

he was going to get revenge.

So, Lieutenant Cork made a call,

and Leppenraub said, yeah...

Gates had tried to blackmail him,

and he politely told Scotty

to go to hell.

Ya, and then he politely

murdered him.

- There's no evidence of that.

- Hell, there's a body in the tree.

Daddy, Gates was a nutcase.

No offense.

But he was running around in the

middle of winter with no shirt on.

Everyone thought he was

going to freeze to death.

We think it's reasonable for us to

assume that that's what happened.

Very, v-very reasonable,

except for one thing.

- What's that?

- He was murdered.

Daddy, you live in a cave.

You watch the news on a TV

that's plugged into nothing.

You think there's a guy on top of a tower

that's trying to take over the world.

You're not well. Why don't

you let me get you some help?

And just who would you get

to help me, Lulu?

Just-Just who you got

in mind for your old man?

Rom, I-I got to

get back to work.

That what you call it, Lulu?

You call that work?

Terrorizing innocent people while

murderers roam the streets like rats, huh?

And you ashamed of me.

I should be ashamed of you!

You tell your boss he can't snake this

one over on me.

Tell him he can't kill me,

'cause I'm reaching

for my wallet.

He can't torture me

with his anal broomsticks.

You tell Stuyvesant I'm going

to tear his tower down! You...

Bored? Depressed? Tired? Need

a lift? An added dimension?

Baby girl, baby girl, I got what

you need. F***in' taste, man.

I- I just need a front, man.

I got that smoke.

You know I'm f***ing

good for it, man.

Please, man, please.

Don't make me f***ing beg.

I got that smoke. I'll

take whatever you got, man.

- I'll lick your f***ing cock.

- Come here.

Junkie, you offend me. People like

you, you're like f***ing tumors,

and I just want to cut your ass out

- Shaker, Shaker,

undertaker, look what

your garden has grown.

Get the f*** away

from me, Caveman.

Yo, got that smoke.

Yo, yo, I'll give you two...

I'll give you two for one. Can I

offer you some? Sardine, be a sardine.

Get caught in the net. Get

squeezed in the cage. Caveman!

You want to disappear

from this world, huh? Huh?

You want to learn that trick?

'Cause I can teach you.

You stinkin' motherf***er.

Yo, yo, got that? Come here, I got the

smoke with me. Roll with me, roll with me.

Matthew, come on.

You-You said there

was a tape, right?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Of the torture?

- And Leppenraub made it?

- Yeah, he made it.

So sick,

he liked watching it.

But the guy running the

camera, he wasn't into it.

Just doing what

he was told.

So he made a copy

of the tape for Scotty.

I guess he thought he was doing

him a favor. Protecting him.

So now Leppenraub

has the tape back?

- I don't know.

- But the cameraman,

he must have

the original, right?

So what's his name?

Where can we find him?

How am I

supposed to know?

Why don't you ask Leppenraub?

So, now you think

you're a detective?

I got eyes, Sheila, I can

see things other people can't.

Like me?

You still think I look like

this after all these years?

You're no smarter than

when I married you, are you?

I'm gonna find the evidence, Sheila.

I'm gonna nail this Leppenraub bastard.

Ah, baby, if your sh*t was a rocket

ship, you could go to the moon.

Now why you gotta stick

your nose in matters...

that do not pertain to you, and don't

give me some bullshit about love.

The dead boy knew me, Sheila.

He called me "The Voice. "

It's Lulu, isn't it?

You wanna prove yourself

to her?

You wanna win her respect? Try soap

and hot water. Try getting a job.

That's just what

Stuyvesant wants, isn't it?

Get a shave,

get a job, relax.

Well, not this time, Sheila,

because Stuyvesant left

that valentine outside my door.

He thinks he got to me this time by leaving

that particularly nasty, f***ing insult.

It pisses me off.

Sir? Sir?

You can't sleep in here.

It's like an oven in here.

What, are you trying to bake us?

- Are you making a pie?

- Sir, you're going to have to leave.

- Will you marry me?

- I'm calling the police.

Call the preacher, my love.

I love you more than life itself.

I'm dialing right now. I know

you're dialing the preacher, my love.

I hear your heart beating,

like a newborn...

butterfly.

Arnold?

Hello?

Who is this?

It's-It's Rom.

Romulus? Romulus Ledbetter?

I do not believe it.

I thought you'd...

My God, I heard you were living

in a cave or something.

A little rough, a little rough,

but things are good now.

Uh, living in Tahiti.

Tahiti?

W- Well, San Francisco.

- Was in Tahiti.

- Okay.

Rom? Rom?

Rom, are you there?

No, no, no.

- Everything's good.

- Great.

- How you doing, Arnold?

- Same old. BBC's doing an opera of mine.

You're not still...

composing, are you?

Um, just-just did a piece

for the, uh,

the New Pastorale Festival.

- Wow, that's great.

- A sonata, uh,

inspired by this guy

David Leppenraub?

- You know his pictures?

- This is incredible.

- David Leppenraub's a friend of mine.

- Oh, my god!

Is he?

Hey, hey. Listen, Romulus. This is...

Well, I mean, it's just a thought,

but we're having a fund-raiser

up at David's farm.

That piece of yours, do you

think you could perform it for us?

This Saturday.

Oh, hey, look,

it was just an idea.

- Be glad to.

- Great! Great.

This is gonna be

some surprise.

Hey, mister.

You got a suit and tie?

You want a suit and tie?

Got a gig upstate.

Old classmate got it for me.

Old classmate from Julliard?

Right. You remembered.

Let me ask you something.

You say you went

to Julliard.

What can you tell me about,

say, Scriabin?

Who?

The Russian composer,

Scriabin?

- What can you tell me about him?

- Nothing.

Ah,

of course you can't.

- Take care, my friend.

- Scriabin.

I can't see through to the least

flicker of that man's divinity.

Poeme Divin's okay.

That Promethean chord of his?

Nothing but a dominant ninth,

few hocus-pocus suspensions.

Play the F-sharp it's "G," the

"A" is B-flat. You see what I mean?

You can't impose

divinity on a chord.

A chord's divinity has to

come from the inside out.

You know?

Betty?

This is Romulus.

Hi, Romulus.

Romulus is a homeless man

who needs a suit of clothes.

Uh, not-not homeless.

I live in a cave.

He's the one

I told you about, remember?

- Remember?

- The music man, Bob?

That's it. Right.

Th-That's some view.

You'll grace us?

Nice detail, Bob.

Bosendorfer '36.

Very good.

Everything in here

is from the '30s.

Ohh, that's what it is.

Yeah, I'm

a bankruptcy lawyer.

The depression was something

of a golden era for my kind.

Please, play something,

anything.

I- I really couldn't.

- Why not?

- Honey, if he doesn't want to play.

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