The Caveman's Valentine Page #5

talking to my father.

You break my heart.

Get out.

Get out!

Get the hell out!

Matthew?

Rom.

I changed my mind.

I don't wanna die.

Who did this to you?

A couple of guys

with stockings on their heads.

Like those f***ers you're always

talking about.

Shut the f*** up.

They wanna scare you, Rom.

They wanna shut you up.

You gotta stay nasty

on them, Rom.

Stay nasty

on those motherfuckers.

Lao-tse. Come on, girl!

Whoo!

You break my heart.

"The victim is the killer. "

Does it hurt?

Please. It's supposed to.

Your pain moves me.

Tell me what you feel.

- Shame?

- Please.

- Fear?

- You're brilliant, okay?

- You're a brilliant artist.

- You're soft.

- Please!

- Soft as a pillow.

Please!

How long...

Why don't...

Why don't you let me die?

Faker.

You haven't experienced

real pain.

...don't you let me die?

How long...

- Why don't you let me die?

- Faker.

You haven't experienced

real pain.

...don't you let me die.

You don't wanna watch that.

Joey.

Give you nightmares.

So, you found my hiding place.

But you're not a detective...

and you're not a cop,

so who are you?

I- I'm the one

that found the body.

- The homeless guy?

- Not homeless.

I live in a cave. So what

the f*** you doing here?

What if he saw you here?

Scotty asked me to help him

before he was killed.

He asked me to help,

and-and I didn't.

So what, you feel guilty?

You feel like it's your fault?

Your fault. Jesus Christ.

J- Joey. Joey.

What d-did he do to Scotty?

Listen.

I came here...

because I thought

David Leppenraub...

was the greatest artist of the

human psyche who had ever lived.

That he knew

all about suffering.

What attracts us to it,

you know?

Why we seem

to reach out to it.

I wanted to be

one of his disciples.

Carry his cameras, film him,

do whatever he wanted.

Whatever he asked, I did.

So did Scotty.

Except once.

Up in that tree.

See, Scotty was scared

of heights.

David wanted to tie him

to that branch,

but no amount of dope would make him do it.

- Give me your hand.

- I can't.

- Let go of the tree. Give me your hand.

It'll be fine. I can't. I can't let go.

- Would you just trust me, please?

- David, please, I'm scared.

I want you to be scared.

Come on, we're losing the light.

- I can't!

- Scotty, if you damage that f***ing cage,

I swear I will throw you

out of this tree!

- But, David,

- He's terrified.

Get down, you p*ssy.

Get out of the f***ing tree!

Joey, take off your clothes.

You'll pose this one.

- Scotty, get down.

- I'm going, and I'm not coming back either.

Where are you going to go,

Scotty?

You're never going to touch me again. I'm

gonna tell everyone what you did to me.

Are you?

So, he came down...

and I went up.

And I was

the crucified angel.

Greatest moment of my life.

I got to be inside

Leppenraub's vision.

You have no idea

what that meant to me.

And-and Scotty?

I never saw him again.

Wanna know what I think?

I think

he brought him here.

I think he had Scotty

in the freezer.

I think

he froze him to death.

- Give me the tape.

- Why?

- So we can fight him.

- We can't fight him.

We can go to the cops.

- There's no evidence.

- The tape!

Against David's lawyers?

They'd rip it to shreds.

You don't understand. You can't

fight him. You can't run from him.

You can't just give up.

- Why not?

- Don't you see?

You're next.

You're the next angel.

I know.

Joey?

- Duck! Hide!

- Joey?

Saw you with someone. Who was it?

Who?

You were talking to someone.

Who was it?

Romulus!

What can I do for you?

I need a place to stay.

The cave's not safe.

Uh, I don't think

you can stay here, but

I can call a shelter for you.

Come on in.

Come on in.

Have a lime rickey.

Hey, everyone,

this is Romulus.

Hi, Romulus.

This is a Bob

and Betty festival.

- May I propose a toast?

- Sure.

To the eternal

and-and everlasting cycle...

of failure

and resuscitation.

Hear! Hear!

To the fact the cycle...

seems to be stuck.

And-And the Bobs and Bettys

are always on top.

Let's drink...

to those on top,

stay on top.

And let's drink to those

poor slobs down below.

'Cause they'll always

be "shitslogging. "

Am I right?

They'll believe all of

the lies we tell them!

You're losing it, baby.

Don't bother yourself, Betty.

No need to call the cops.

You're safe up here.

Nothing can touch you.

I need you to believe me.

I need you to believe me.

Leppenraub Foundation,

can I help you?

I have a message

for David Leppenraub.

Tell him this. Tell him the

Caveman made a copy of the tape.

Right? Joey Peasley has the

original, but I made a copy.

And if he wants it,

I'll sell it to him.

Tell him that.

My dearest Lulu,

"By the time

you read this letter,

"they will have killed me.

"And you'll know that everything

I've been saying is true.

"Get Matthew to tell you

the whole story.

"Go to Leppenraub's farm.

Make Joey give you the tape,

"then take all the truth

you've gathered...

"and drive Leppenraub

through the gates of hell.

"I'll meet him there just inside

and deal with him.

"At this very moment, Lulu,

in some other court of time,

"I live not in a cave,

but in a tree house.

'A tree house by the sea.

Please, don't!

"You and I are down on the sand

making a castle.

'And your mother is wading

through the shallows,

'gathering enough sand dollars

to make us all filthy rich.

I love you. Daddy. "

I said don't f*** with us.

Where is it?

If-If you're gonna kill me, you'd better

do it quick. They patrol around here.

- Oh!

- You're gonna talk.

You have to kill me and torture

me, but hurry. Get to the killing.

No, no, no,

we're not gonna kill you.

We're not gonna torture you. See,

that's too easy. That's too cruel.

We're gonna torture your daughter,

little Lulu. 135 Cole Street.

We're going there right now,

Caveman. Wanna come?

No! Aah!

Aah!

See, Caveman,

you're gonna go with us.

We're gonna party with that girl

all night long.

Phone call. Phone call. What?

Hell no.

- I'll get your tape for you.

- Where?

Hey, hey, Captain.

You know the guy that owns

that little videotape?

Well, he wants it back, and

he wants it back real bad.

No explanations.

Tell her where to make the drop.

I'd really appreciate it if you

would bury that treasure for me.

Rom, what are you

talking about?

Did I- Did I hear

somebody with you?

Yeah, yeah,

you heard right, Captain.

Look, I-I know it's late

for this pirate thing, but...

these guys really need you

to do that tonight.

- Do what?

- Look, bury the treasure...

at the place we talked about,

where you found the balloon,

- and-and then clear out.

- Hang up.

- Rom, who is that?

- Look, Captain.

I won't ever ask you for

anything again. I promise.

I know you think I'm crazy,

but I always keep my promises.

All right? Bye-bye.

Baby, what are you doing?

If Lulu knew what I was talking about,

I could call to her and warn her.

- He will kill you.

- But she'll get away.

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