The Devil's Rejects Page #2

Wong's Hong Kong Gardens,

this is Mr. Wong speaking.

Cut the sh*t, Charlie.

It's me, Cutter.

I got a serious meltdown

going on down here

and I need a place to cool out,

so I'm coming down.

F***, man, I don't think it's such

a great idea, you coming around here.

I am coming down... now.

- Whoa, ho... hold it!

- F***.

Hold it!

F***!

Man, I don't see him.

Sh*t, where the f*** is he?

Jesus! Can we get

over this already?

I mean, I just don't

find it funny anymore.

I don't know,

it's still pretty funny.

- I'd say so.

- I hate to be the one

- to tell you I told you so...

- Then don't.

- But ridin' a mechanical bull

is not as easy as it looks.

Technically, she had

a pretty good ride...

until tragedy struck.

Hey, the lesson here is

that tube tops are not the proper attire

for bull riding, Glory.

I agree with you.

You gonna have to put a harness

on them little suckers, honey.

Her "tig bitties"

were flappin' around...

My titties don't flap!

They looked like two raccoons

in a gunnysack fighting to get out.

- Oh, Adam, shut up.

- When her top fell down,

I was gonna pee myself!

"I was gonna pee myself!"

You're just jealous

'cause you don't have any titties.

Oh, Gloria, come on,

no reason to get mean.

Come on, baby.

You had one titty going this way

and one titty going that way.

It was pretty amazing.

Chances are high you made

a few fans that night.

Oh, shut up, dipshit.

Well, I told Johnny Cash,

and he said...

did you know I shook hands

with Johnny Cash once?

Roy, how about you go

find me the ice machine?

I need a drink.

I'll get you the ice, but you gotta

promise us an encore tomorrow.

Roy!

You wish, honey.

Don't you wish.

The babes are

going into seclusion.

The leader of this group who is

a local celebrity goes by the name

of Captain Spaulding

along with two other

suspects known as Otis...

Aw, sh*t f***

sh*t f***!

God, calm down.

Get rid of the car.

Don't worry,

I'll get us a room.

- Well, hurry the f*** up!

- F*** you!

F*** you!

Police revealed today

that they believe

most of the victims were drugged,

kidnapped and sexually assaulted.

God damn it! F***!

Hey, Roy, I was doing some research

on that thing I was telling you about.

- What thing?

- Rodeo clowning.

Rodeo...

A rodeo clown?

You been smoking dope.

Yeah... I mean no,

not right now.

Let me tell you

something.

You spend one second in that pen

and that bull'd have his horn

up your ass

and sticking out your pecker.

That's exactly what

I thought you'd say.

You know, you can never be supportive

of anything I wanna do.

What do you

want me to say?

That you're dressed for the part

and headed in the right direction?

Well, Adam was saying...

I've always been

good with animals.

I mean, dogs love me.

And isn't a horse

kinda like a big dog?

I don't know.

No, you're not

clown material.

Forget it. I'm gonna walk

on over to the gas station.

- You want anything?

- No... yes.

Get me some

of that beef jerky.

Thanks for talking.

I could've been on that pit crew

down in North Carolina.

Yeah.

Meow! Meow.

Hey, pussycat.

Hey, got a light?

No, uh, I don't smoke.

My doctor says I got lungs

like a professional athlete.

Ah, I get it.

You wanna live forever.

Yeah yeah, well...

So what, are you on vacation

all by yourself or something?

Yeah... no. I'm actually out here

with my singing group.

I do the lead singing for it.

It's called

"Banjo and Sullivan. "

I used to sing with Johnny Cash.

He shook my hand.

I love famous people. They're so much

better than the real thing.

Well, yeah,

I suppose they are.

I bet all the girls

wanna f*** you.

- Would you say that again?

- I bet all the girls wanna f*** you.

Do you kiss your mama

with that mouth?

Trust me, fella, that ain't

the only thing I do with this mouth.

Don't tell me that!

What? Say that again.

That I ain't the only thing

I do with this mouth.

It's so depressing.

Let's talk about some of the symbols

of these groups

like the inverted cross

or the pentagram

or the number 666

left at the scene of the crime.

What do you

think about that?

This is not

an isolated incident.

Well, members of these cults

realize they have no chance

of attacking God directly.

- So the next best thing...

- Adam, could you switch this?

- I can't stand to hear about this.

- What do I look like, Roy?

I'm Sullivan,

Roy Sullivan.

Well... Roy Sullivan.

You gonna take me

back to your room and play with me?

My wife's in that room.

Or is my brother

gonna have to shoot

your f***ing teeth

out of your head?

Okay, let's go, Hoss.

Move it.

Just makes me sick

to my stomach to think

that we live in a world

where there are Satanic cults.

Come on, Gloria,

it's a bunch of crap.

- I don't know.

- Look at these two idiots.

They're just exaggerating all this sh*t

to try and kick up ratings.

They wanna get people scared

so they stay at home,

buy TV dinners.

F*** me running.

I don't know about that.

That business down in Ruggsville...

Ruggsville?

Ruggsville can kiss my ass.

Ain't nothing but a bunch

of local cousin-f***ers

corn-holing the livestock.

Could you just switch it

for me anyway, please?

Jesus Christ, I don't know

how Roy puts up with your sh*t.

What is taking Roy

so long, anyway?

- Hey!

- On the bed now!

- Get on the bed!

- Let me check my... all right.

- Easy!

- What's going on here, Roy?

Shut up! Did I tell you

to f***ing speak?

- Hey! Hey! Quiet! Quiet!

- Did I tell you you could talk?

Roy, what the hell is this?

- God damn it, look at that jacket.

- What?

On TV.

- Well, f*** the TV.

- F*** the TV? F*** you!

Will you keep your head

on the business at hand?

- Who's in the shower?

- That's my wife!

- God damn it!

- Don't f*** with. 22.

What are you gonna do, man?

What the f*** are you gonna do?

I wanna know what the f***

are you gonna do?

Wendy!

Get the f*** out of here!

Don't hurt her, please.

Is this everyone?

Hey, Roy. Open up.

I got some of that Dr. Corndog's

hickory-smoked jerky.

Who the f*** is that?

That's Jimmy.

He's our roadie.

- I forgot all about him.

Baby, you all right?

Now I know

I can't trust you!

I'll get him.

- Hey.

- I'm sorry. I got the wrong room.

I'm looking for

room number two.

No, you got the right room.

Come on in.

- Is Roy in there?

- Roy's in here, all right. Come on in.

Get your ass in here!

On your knees!

Roy, help...

Shut up!

We're at the scene

of a horrific multiple murder.

- No telling how many...

- God damn it!

F***!

...in the process

of recovering the corpses

which are in varying states

of decomposition.

It's currently being treated

as a sign of a mass homicide.

If initial figures prove...

Come on, honey.

Mommy has to get to work.

If I'm late one more time,

Mr. McDonnell is gonna can my ass.

I am hurrying!

I dropped something.

Will you get in the car?!

Okay, come on, let's go get in.

- Mom, a clown.

- Yeah yeah, a clown.

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