The Devil's Rejects Page #4
We did everything
you want, mister, just let us go.
We did what you said.
First of all,
I didn't say anything.
And second of all,
I'm calling the shots!
Consider me f***ing
Willy f***ing Wonka!
This is my f***ing chocolate factory!
You got it?!
My factory...
Get him, Roy!
Get the gun, Roy!
Roy!
Please, mister, stop.
Please.
- Stop.
- Stop?
B*tch, I have just started.
You know, I was gonna take
it easy on you, boy,
but you brought this
down on yourself.
You had to come
all f***ing-big-stick- walking-tall
like a big, f***ing hero!
You got yourself to blame.
Look at you now, hero!
You're gonna f***ing bleed to death.
F*** you!
That's what they all say,
"F*** you!"
Well, it ain't gonna save ya.
It don't scare me none
and don't make you a hero!
Wanna see what happens
to heroes, boy?
You wanna see bad-ass, motherf***er?
I'll show you bad-ass!
Roy!
Roy!
Hoss, I want you
to pray to your God.
I want you to pray that
I want lightning to come down
and crash upon my f***ing head!
- I pray... Jesus...
- Louder!
Bless the bunnies,
bless the little birds...
- I don't feel anything.
... bless the springtime morning.
I feel it!
Oh, Great God Almighty,
I repent, I repent!
I feel the love
of the God-God-God Almighty!
Oh, the Holy Spirit
is in my body!
I am the devil, and I am here
to do the devil's work.
Roy! Roy!
Roy! Roy!
You f***ing motherf***er!
You f***ing motherf***er!
Son of a b*tch!
I've got other
plans for you... hero.
Shut the f*** up!
Can I go to the bathroom, please?
I'm about to piss myself.
Excuse me...
Can she go to
the bathroom? Please?
What?! I heard you the first time.
I was just thinking.
What are you
gonna do for me?
- What?
- Go piss yourself for all I care.
If you want special favors, you gotta
give me something in return.
What do you want?
I want you
to hit her in the face.
- What?
- I know you heard me.
Go ahead.
Go on.
Make it hurt,
no love taps.
I want to hear it.
Harder, she ain't gonna break.
You better make this
next one f***ing count!
Ah!
Good, very nice.
Now you come here.
Right here.
Kneel down.
Give me a kiss and say, "Thank you,
Baby, I'm having a great time. "
Thanks, Baby,
I had a really good time.
Now make it fast, b*tch!
Don't try anything cute!
Sh*t!
Now, what do you
want to do?
Damn it, I knew that c*nt
would do something stupid.
Shut up!
Open the f***ing door!
- Open the goddamn door!
- Okay! Hold it!
Somebody help me!
What are you
gonna do, shoot me?
What did I ever
really do to you?
I swear I'll do it.
I'll kill you.
Why would you
want to kill me?
I'm you're only hope,
my brother's f***ing crazy.
- Please!
- Wendy, it's all right!
Come on out...
Go ahead, shoot me.
Shoot me right in the ass!
Stupid c*nt!
Ain't no bullets in this thing.
It's all f***ing mind power.
Somebody, help! Somebody, please!
Help! Help! Help!
Help me! Help me!
Oh, God. Help me!
- Whoa whoa, darling.
- She's crazy!
Daddy, grab that b*tch!
Hey, Chief,
I think I got something.
What?
Captain Spaulding's
a character from "Animal Crackers,"
a Marx Brothers' movie.
I'll be damned.
Think it means anything?
I don't know.
Tell you what, you get that
movie critic over here. What's his name?
- Marty Walker?
- Yeah, that's him.
Tell him to get his ass
over here as soon as he can.
Tell him to bring whatever information
he's got about the Marx Brothers,
particularly characters
Groucho played in his movies.
All right,
I'll get right on it.
This sh*t's just getting
weirder and weirder.
Sh*t, Daddy, I didn't
think you were coming.
I'm cool.
Where the f*** is Otis?
Not back from
getting the guns yet.
You wanna f*** with me?
Huh, b*tch?
You ain't got what it takes.
He fucks this up,
I'm gonna kill that motherf***er.
You believe this b*tch had the balls
to try and f*** with me?
Cox, nice of you to make it.
Enjoying your meal?
What? I gotta eat.
I'm not gonna be any good to anybody.
Ya ain't no good
to nobody anyhow.
Listen here, that movie expert
guy's here. Wanna talk to him?
Want me
to bring him in?
All right, all right,
I'll get him right now.
Mr. Walker?
Come on in, please.
Sheriff Wydell,
it's a pleasure.
as soon as I got your call.
You came to the right man.
I happen to be a self-proclaimed
Marx Brothers expert if I say so myself.
I'm sure your knowledge
of bullshit is limitless.
Why don't we get to the point?
What do you got for me?
I got a f***ing
grocery list for you
of all the major Marx Brothers
characters and related characters,
and I made a secondary list of any
and all films having to do with Groucho,
including such gems as
"A Girl in Every Port," and "Skidoo,"
where Groucho played the part of God...
Directed by Otto Preminger,
who happened to be Jewish,
although he played a Nazi commandant
in "Stalag 17" directed by Billy Wilder.
Otto Preminger also
directed "Exodus,"
and it's rumored
that at the premiere
Mort Sahl stood up,
yelled at the screen,
- "Otto! Let my people go!"
- Give me the damn list.
It's ironic, don't ya think?
Nazi, State of Israel?
They're all here,
all the aliases...
"Rufus Firefly,
Otis Driftwood,
Captain Spaulding"...
all of 'em.
Hey, Chief, I'm thinking we ought to
track down this Groucho Marx guy,
ask him a few questions,
maybe he's involved.
Idiot, he died last year.
He died, didn't he?
Oh God damn it.
God damn it, see?
pathetic state of cinematic affairs.
If you weren't a cop,
I'd wring your neck.
Hey, let's take
that down a notch.
Excuse me!
Excuse me!
This sneering, rotating,
gyrating pelvis son of a b*tch,
he died three days
before Groucho,
stole all
the goddamn headlines.
That goddamn, f***ing
Elvis Presley.
What did you say
about The King?
He died three
days before Grouch...
You ever say another derogatory word
in my presence again,
I will kick
the living sh*t out of you!
You get this Hollywood-loving
p*ssy out of my face.
- Elvis is in Hollywood!
- Get the hell outta here!
- His first film...
- Get out!
..."Love Me Tender,"
was based on an Irish folk song!
F*** Groucho!
Ha!
Don't you f***ing knock?
- Where the f*** you been?
- Did you get everything?
Oh, yeah, I got everything.
You, motherf***er!
Where the f*** have you been?
Hey! You got a problem
with my time-frame, son,
you best spit
it out right now.
Yeah, I got a problem.
I got a big f***ing problem, bozo!
Well, make your move,
laddie, two hits.
I hit you and your dick
hits the f***ing dirt.
Old man, you ain't
hitting nothing!
Hey, cut the sh*t, we gotta
get the f*** outta here.
What are we gonna
do with this one?
Leave her for
a maid to clean up.
I got a better idea.
that the "Banjo and Sullivan Show"
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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