The Devil's Rejects Page #6

'Cause my brother makes

the best fried chicken in the world.

Is that right?

Good morning, good morning, sir!

How are you?

How y'all doing?

Good morning.

Good good good.

What ya got for me?

We got these real cute

barred rock chickens here.

- Yeah, I see it.

- Got them nice, long-legged...

- Rhode Island red chickens.

- Rhode Island red!

- Yeah.

- Oh, I like them!

I want a Rhode Island red

for me, all right?

- Two of 'em. Yeah.

- Rhode Island red, two?

Now, y'all ain't planning on f***ing

these chickens, are you?

What the f*** are

you getting at?

Do you f*** chickens?

Well, I have thought

about f***ing some chickens before.

If you want to have a good time

and you need some p*ssy,

you can cut

that chicken's head off

and stick your dick

in that ass of that chicken,

and that damn chicken'll go crazy

on your ass and go...

Are you saying that I would cut off

a chicken's head, put my dick in it,

f*** it

and go "Aaahhh"?

You accusing me of f***ing

a chicken, motherf***er?

No, I ain't call you

a chicken f***er, but...

boy over there looks

sexually frustrated and...

I don't approve

of chicken f***ing.

- You hear what he called me, boss?

- My mistake.

He called me

a f***ing chicken f***er!

Go back and grab

the f***ing chickens, Clevon.

- Here's five.

- Appreciate it, thank y'all.

He's a chicken f***er!

That's all right,

put it back there.

Next time, we go

someplace else.

We ain't never buying

chickens from him again, boss!

I know, I know.

You inbred! Inbred!

Wolf J Flywheel?

Get your motherfucking

pimp ass over here now.

Who are you talking about, man?

Who you talking to?

What's going on, Sheriff?

What'd we do?

What's going on, baby?

You and me,

we're gonna have a little powwow

about a certain Captain Spaulding

and his merry band

of a**holes.

- Captain who?

- You know what I'm talking about,

am I correct?

Hey, Sheriff...

not in the middle of the street.

Ain't no sense

in getting crazy out here.

I don't like no motherfuckers

playing dumb with me.

Now, let me tell you

the way it's gonna go down.

You're gonna make sure

all three of them dirtbags

are present and accounted

for tonight at midnight. You got me?

You understand me?

Charlie! You got me?

What if I say no?

Then I ought to shoot your ass

right f***ing here and now,

you and that other

ugly motherf***er.

And I'm gonna forget this

conversation ever happened.

Tonight, midnight.

It's a bad day to f***

with me, Charlie boy.

Hey, we got you this far. Sh*t.

Without us, you'd still be swimming

around with your head up your ass.

Hey, Chief, don't sweat it.

Have a beer.

It's all going to work out

to your satisfaction.

If I were you, I'd put the beer down

and keep your mind on business

before business jumps up

and bites you right in the ass.

Don't worry

about me, boss.

They'll think goddamn King Kong

came down from Skull Island

and raped them

a new f***ing a**hole.

Hey, man, don't give me

none of that cocky-ass-

yard-bird-pumping-iron-I'm-the-baddest-

motherf***er-that-ever-lived horseshit.

That might work on some Johnny

Redneck bail jumper,

but that don't

mean sh*t to me.

Then I suggest

you pick up the bat phone

and call some

new motherfuckers in.

Dime a dozen, man.

F*** you.

- F*** me?

- Yeah.

F*** you, motherf***er!

Hey, hold it, hold it!

We gotta cool our sh*t, here!

Look, you hired the unholy two because

you wanted the best money could buy.

Now, you got nothing

to worry about.

We're gonna

get the job done.

Might talk a lot of sh*t,

but we will get the job done.

Here's the deal.

I don't give a good God damn

what condition they're in.

I just want 'em alive so I can piss

in their face before they die.

You are one sick

f***ing pirate.

Hey, Billy Ray,

your mama's on the phone.

She owes me 14 bucks!

Get down here.

- Better keep a rope on that a**hole.

- Yeah, I know.

Now look, G,

let me explain something to you.

You've been using a bazooka

to exterminate three little roaches.

Now when you hunt roaches,

you don't blow up your house.

You send in an exterminator

so he can...

he crawls like a roach;

He thinks like a roach;

He has a little roach mind...

Hey... you be careful

or maybe you get

stepped on like a roach.

I'm gonna tell you

something, brother,

you have got it made.

Please, man, don't be

fooled by the glamour.

I got trouble.

Don't get me started.

Trouble. What kinda

trouble you got?

Man, you got hot and cold

running p*ssy on tap!

Man, dealing with these

greedy b*tches

ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Brother, brother...

Go ahead.

Pick it up, pick it up.

Take a hit on this.

Man, I got the best, mmm.

Take one for me too, man.

Hey, listen, you got a nose

like a vacuum cleaner.

Don't do up all my cocaine.

Brother, would I

do that to you?

No, you my brother...

- See?

... and I love you.

- All right.

- All right, baby.

But I love my cocaine better.

F*** you.

Oh, man, that's some

cold sh*t right there.

Well, any port

in a f***ing storm.

Mmm.

Charlie, brother,

my brother...

I've been looking

for you, clown.

Ooh.

You gonna start the killing,

you best start it right here.

Make sure

I'm all the way dead,

or I will come back

and make you my b*tch.

B*tch that, motherf***er.

Get up, b*tch!

Stop it! Stop it, motherf***er!

- Oh! F***! Oh!

- Get these scumbags in that truck.

It wasn't personal, brother.

Business is business, baby!

You a**hole!

She's right, Charlie.

You are an a**hole.

Why don't you get on

your f***ing horse and ride?

All right, let's get

this freak show on the road.

What the f*** are you doing there?

Get the f*** up!

You know, I got

to thank you all...

for helping me to understand

what my heritage is.

You see, the Wydells,

they've always been vigilante justice.

Now, my granddaddy,

he rode with the likes of Tom Horn,

killing scum like

you for a living.

We've always

been devil slayers.

Wake up!

See I tried to walk the line,

but now I realize

there is no line.

We here, we are playing

on a level that most will never see.

I know my brother George,

he didn't see it.

Maybe he had a divine moment

when his brains

hit the floor.

Yeah, well, maybe you will too.

I got over here

some photographs

of every missing person

within 100 miles of this shithole.

Valerie Green.

Take a look at that.

She was beautiful, huh?

Hell, anybody'd f*** her.

This is what she looked like

when we pulled her out

of your little

f***ing torture shack.

She ain't so fuckable

anymore, huh?

Oh, yes, she is.

I cut her tongue out

and tied her to my bed for a month.

Busted that b*tch wide open.

Well, then you get

to have this as a souvenir.

What about

Mary Knowles, anybody?

That f***ing b*tch is mine.

No no, she was mine.

I did her, come on. Bring it onto me.

- Nah, she's all mine.

- Baby, shut the f*** up!

Baby, you want her,

you got her.

F***, f***!

Come and get me,

motherf***er!

Motherf***er!

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