The Emperor's Club Page #3

Incoming.

Watch out, Marty.

My informants tell me if we head for|that place... Right, Saint Mary,'s?

Yeah!|- No, no, no.

The penalty for setting|foot on Saint Mary's property...

What do you say, Deepak? You want to go?|- Yeah. I'll go.

Louis?|- Yeah. I'll go.

See, Martin?|That's the problem with democracy.

Guys, I'm really nervous.|- Yeah. We know.

I love uniforms.|I really think we should turn around.

Shut up, man.

Seriously, we got|to turn around right now.

This is not safe!|- Marty, shut up. Shut up.

Hey, come on. Easy does it, boys.

Hi.

You ladies go to school here?

We go across the lake.|We're on the crew team.

He's our "coxman," so...|Coxswain.

Right. No. Right, I know.|Coxswain.

So is it true what they say|about the guys who go...

to "Saint Benedick's"?

I don't know.|Uh, what is that exactly?

Tsk. So, uh,|what's your name?

Um, I'm Sedgewick.|This is Deepak.

Louis and Martin.|Hi.

Marty, ifyou like.|Or Mar-Martin's fine.

Why don't you give us your phone number,|and maybe we'll call you sometime.

You are such...|- Guys, what's our phone number?

555-0169|- Um, area code 215.

Okay. So, um...

Do you guys want to go|skinny-dipping?

Pardon me?|- You mean naked?

What?|What's he doin'?

Oh, my God.

So, uh, who's gonna|come with me then?

Is he kidding?|- Oh, God!

Oh, no way!|Not me. I don't want to get my arm wet.

Might lose your phone number.

That's okay. I'll just whisper it|in your ear so you won't forget.

I'll go!|- My God!

I'll go too!|- Disrobe men!

Yeah!

I'm going!

Ladies!|What is going on here?

Holyshit!|- A nun.

Oh, my God.

There goes|your tuition, Marty.

Come on!

There is a code|at Saint Benedict's...

of self-governance|based on mutual trust.

You have violated that trust.

And you've compromised|the reputation of this academy.

If I thought you didn't know any|better, that would be one thing.

But willful ignorance|is intolerable.

You're confined to the dormitory|until 7:00 tomorrow morning.

What about dinner?

Excuse me?|- Well, I'm hungry, sir.

Oh, my God!|- Mr. Masoudi?

Mr. Hundert.

Have a good evening, gentlemen.

How you doing, Mr. Hundert?

Hi, Mr. H.

Did you lock up the door?|- I did.

You did? Thanks.|- Yeah.

Hey, Logan.|How you doin'?

Brewster!

Mr. Bell,...

would you please come up to|the front of the classroom?

Would you mind finishing|this diagram for me?

Octavian was named what?

A common wood beetle on|the floor of this classroom...

would know the answer|to that question.

Emperor?|- Yes!

Can you, please, name any|ofthe subsequent emperors...

whom we've been discussing?

There were 41.|- I only know seven.

Very well.

Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy,

Dopey...

Seriously, though,|can you in fact...

name any of the emperors?|- I know four.

Very well.|- John, Paul, Ringo and...

George.|- Mr. Bell.

A word of warning.|As the great wit Aristophanes once wrote...

roughly translated...|"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown,

"ignorance can be educated|and drunkenness sobered,

"but stupid...

lasts forever."

Class, if you please,|chronologically...

Tiberius, Caligula,|Claudius, Nero,...

Galba, Otho,...

Vitellius, Vespasian,...

Titus, Domitian,...

Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian,...

Antonius Pius, Marcus Aurelius,...

Commodus, Pertinax...|- Thank you. That will do.

Please take your seat, Mr. Bell.

Come in.

Mr. Bell.|Mr. Hundert.

Please, have a seat.

Only child?

Please be seated, Mr. Bell.

Do you know why you're here?

"Student of the day."

I gave you "1" for spelling|your name correctly.

Mr. Bell,

I don't know what you think you're|doing at Saint Benedict's,...

but this is unacceptable work.

You must apply yourself...|- You're not married, are you, sir?

No. I am not.

That's why you like|putting us all in togas, right?

I've made arrangements|to meet with your father.

Is there anything|you'd like me to say to him?

Tell him I said hello.

Well, how are you?|Good to see you.

And you, sir.|Give me just a second.

Who's that?|Professor, come on in.

Kathleen, hold all my calls.|Thank you, Michael.

Sit down, please.

Cubans.

Don't tell the A.T.F.

No. Not for me. Thanks.|- You're sure?

Oh, yes, sir.|Don't know what you're missin'.

Senator... Oh, here.|You'll enjoy this.

This was given to me by one of|my constituents this morning.

Take a look at that.|- Senator Bell's office.

Hold it! Don't be|too fast there, partner.

Quarter roll.

Here. Go on.|That was, uh...

Supposedly belonged to the coachman|of Robert E. Lee. Really?

Well, so he said.

You're a history buff,|aren't ya?

In a manner|of speaking, sir. Yes.

Well, take that.|That's yours.

Oh, no. I couldn't.|Oh, take the damn thing!

It's a gift. For all you've done|for my son, Sedgewick.

Thank you.

So, to what|do I owe this honor?

It's your son, Senator.

Oh, Christ.|What the devil's he done now?

Sedgewick is clearly an intelligent boy,|but, sir, he's not applying himself.

He's not... learning the material.

I need a match!|- Yes, Senator. Right away.

What material is that?|It's the Greeks and the Romans...

We've left the Republic|and entered the Empire...

Here you are, sir.|- Thank you.

Shut the door|on your way out, will you?

We're up to|the reign of Augustus.

You ought to be careful with that thing,|by the way. You know, it still fires.

Sedgewick, it seems,...

is not paying attention|in class, sir.

Nor is he doing|the assigned reading.

Let me ask you something.

What's the good|of what you're teachin' those boys?

"The good"?|- Yes. The good.

Well, Senator,...

the Greeks and Romans provided...

a model of democracy, which,

I don't need to tell you,|the framers of our own Constitution...

used as their inspiration.

But more to the point, I think|when the boys read Plato, Aristotle,...

Cicero, Julius Caesar even,...

they're put in direct contact|with men who,...

in their own age, exemplified...

the highest standards|of statesmanship,...

of civic virtue, of character,|conviction...

Boy, that is a horse that can talk!

So, you're sayin' that my son|Sedgewick has his head up his ass.

Sir, it's myjob to mold|your son's character,...

and I think if...|Moldhim?

Jesus God in heaven, son.

You're not gonna mold my boy.

Your job is to teach my son.

You teach him his times tables.

Teach him why the world is round.

Teach him who killed who|and when and where.

That is your job.

You, sir,|will not mold my son.

I will mold him.

Yes, sir.|- Yes.

Thanks for comin'.

Break!

Marty. Marty.|Get back. Come on.

Bell! Bell!

Uh, telephone for you.|- What?

It's a girl.

I'll bet it's that blond|from Saint Mary,'s.

It's that redhead.

Hello?

Sedgewick?|Hold for your father.

Let me ask you somethin'.|Do you know what...

it's costing me to send|you to this place?

What's wrong?|- Shut up.

My time is precious, son.|I thought I made that clear.

I got better things to do|than to clean up after you.

You understand me?|- Yes, sir. I understand.

Don't forget it.

So, what did she say, man.|What did she say?

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