The Emperor Waltz Page #9

music for?

Because everything's going

so well. Because His Majesty's

listened to him.

And that song... Tricking

an old man into a sentimental

mood. It's not fair.

It's yes, it's yes.

It's yes!

The Emperor's cracking up.

Heaven help our poor monarchy.

Oh, monarchy, monarchy.

Crowns, titles, crests.

Who cares, Father? Who cares?

[Continues]

Well, don't just stand there,

Virgil, what happened?

[Makes Clicking Sound]

- What does that mean?

Is it all right?

- All right? It's great.

Oh, it's great.

Do you hear that?

What did His Majesty say?

Oh, exactly what

I wanted him to say.

Virgil!

I sure wanna thank you,

honey Countess, both for myself

and on behalf of the company.

Oh, it's all so wonderful.

What company?

The phonograph company.

They better send you

a bathtub full of roses.

Me, why?

Well, you helped swing

the deal, didn't you?

What deal?

I sold him

the phonograph.

You sold him...

What's he talking about?

Hush, Father. Go on, please.

I knew I could sell him

if I could just get to him.

He's a wonderful old guy.

He fell for it like that.

He did?

t'll be a cinch. Virgil Smith,

by appointment to His Majesty,

Frances Joseph the First.

Who made that appointment?

My little honey Countess.

My mind isn't as quick as yours.

Let's be quite clear about this.

It was that phonograph

from the very beginning?

Oh, come now, Countess.

What's a salesman after, first,

last and all the time? A sale.

Of course. And everything

that happened between us, all

those words, those silly dreams,

that was all part

of what you call...

a sales campaign?

I had a hunch you'd be

a little sore, but you couldn't

have taken it seriously.

A Countess and a drummer,

come now.

No, not really.

Only for a short time, perhaps,

which makes me very stupid

or you a very good

salesman, indeed.

The company thinks so.

They send me on all

the tough assignments.

- It wasn't so tough, was it?

- This is what you get

for stooping so low.

You're right, Father.

The blood rushes to one's head

and one gets a little dizzy

but I'm quite all right now.

[Virgil]

No hard feelings?

No feelings at all.

It's so preposterous,

it's... it's funny.

It's nothing but funny.

You and that island

and that nasty little dog, and

my going to the Emperor for you.

t's funny

and it's asinine and humiliating

and a little disgusting,

but it's mostly funny.

Not so funny as me taking

a life-size countess to Newark.

This is yours,

I believe.

So it is.

Come on, Buttons.

Good-bye, Countess.

His respectful regards

to Scheherazade.

I never suspected that even

garbage could be so cheap.

Don't you know us Americans?

Anything for a dollar.

[Whistles]

[Continues]

[Continues]

Everything seemed so perfect

with that dreadful man

out of her life.

Johanna engaged

to the Marques Lafuente.

Half a dozen castles.

Seven. The Lafuentes have more

of everything. Their children

were born with 11 fingers.

And the poor American,

what happened to him?

Poor? What's poor about him?

He made a gigantic success

selling those machines by

the thousands, the little worm.

Worm indeed.

By what possible right did he

come to the Emperor's Ball?

Oh, why can't

he leaveJohanna alone?

What does he want from her now?

I wouldn't have broken

into that ballroom if it wasn't

a matter of life and death.

Mr. Smith,

I am not interested.

Countess, after this

You'll never see me again.

We're ready to go back home.

Only he'll never make it.

He'll never live to see America

again unless you help us.

No.

He's out there in a

sleigh, all bundled up.

You ought to see him.

Poor little rack of bones.

Hasn't slept in I don't know

how long. Won't eat.

Just lies there with his eyes

like a couple of candles

that are just about burned out.

I'm extremely sorry.

Last night he dragged

himself out of the hotel.

You know where I found him?

Down in front of your house.

I rang the bell.

One of your servants told me

Scheherazade was at the Palace.

She cannot be disturbed.

What are you trying to do?

You trying to take it out

on him for something I did?

Buttons isn't a businessman.

All Buttons did was

to lose his fool heart.

One doesn't die

of a lost heart, Mr. Smith,

except in those syrupy songs

chambermaids play

on your phonograph.

Aw, let him see her just once.

Give them one moment together

so the dog can breathe again.

[Door Closes]

[Waltz Continues]

You're not gonna let him die.

Let me go out to the sleigh

and get him.

Release my arm, Mr. Smith.

I'm expected back

in the ballroom.

I forgot the word, maybe.

Please.

[Door Closes]

Please.

[Footsteps Approaching]

Johanna,

where have you been?

What is it, Father?

It's Scheherazade. Word's

just come from the stables.

The veterinary says any moment.

Well, aren't you coming

for the great event?

Of course, Father.

[Continues]

[Sighs]

[Scratching At Window]

[Whining]

What are you doing here?

I thought I told you to wait

for me and stay covered up.

[Whines]

She isn't here and you

wouldn't want to see her.

Not anymore.

Take my word for it.

All right, you asked for it.

She took the other fellow after

all, that royal stuffed shirt.

Seems at this very moment she's

presenting him with a family.

Now, do you give up?

[Whines, Barking]

Here, Buttons.

Where are you going? Here.

[Continues]

Your Majesty.

Good evening, Dr. Zweiback.

Have they arrived yet?

Not quite yet,

Your Majesty.

How is the patient?

Admirable. Temperature normal,

pulse full, soft and regular.

We have no apprehensions.

I warn you, Dr. Zweiback,

I expect every care taken

in the delivery.

They shall be ushered into the

world with all the solicitude

of which my hands are capable.

Stop that nonsense.

Go back to your patient.

If Your Majesty will excuse me,

I feel that I should

be with her now.

[Door Closes]

[Sighs]

Great relief

when this is all over.

I feel exactly as I did

when I was waiting

for the birth ofJohanna.

I realize this

is more important.

What shall we call the little

black things, Holenia?

I've made a list of a few

dark names. For the first born,

I should suggest Othello.

Good.

For the second,

perhaps Cafe Noir.

If he's very small,

Demi-tasse.

And if it's a female, Sheba.

Queen of Sheba, you know.

She was dark.

Simply inspired,

Your Majesty.

[Virgil]

Hey, hey, Buttons.

Buttons.

Come on, Buttons, let's go home.

What do you got there?

What's the matter?

[Panting]

Quiet, darling.

How long, Dr. Zweiback?

Not long at all, Countess.

Not an hour. Not a minute.

Not a second...

because, hocus-pocus,

announcing the first arrival.

[Puppies Whimpering]

Your Majesty had promised Rome

to the Duke von Bregens.

Oh, not definitely.

There's an interesting

possibility in the Hague.

How so?

[Knocking At Door]

Yes.

The puppies

have arrived.

Well?

You've lost one of them?

Well? No.

Are they deformed?

Have they got two heads?

No.

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