The Girl Can't Help It

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##[Orchestra Tuning Up]

Ladies and gentlemen...

the motion picture

you are about to see...

is a story of music.

I play the role ofTom Miller,

an agent-

a small-time theatrical agent...

who had been a-

Well, you'll see.

This motion picture was photographed

in the grandeur of CinemaScope...

and-

Pardon me.

As I was saying,

this motion picture...

was photographed in

the grandeur of CinemaScope...

and in gorgeous,

lifelike color by Deluxe.

Gorgeous, lifelike color by Deluxe!

Sometimes, you wonder

who's minding the store.

[Chuckles]

Oh, yes.

Our story is about music...

not the music of long ago...

but the music

that expresses the culture...

the refinement and the polite grace

of the present day.

- ## [Rock]

- [No Audible Dialogue]

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# If she walks by

the menfolks get engrossed #

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# If she winks an eye

the bread slice turn to toast #

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#Yeah, she's got a lot

of what they call the most #

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#The girl can't help it

She was born to please #

# She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#And she's got

a figure made to squeeze #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# Won't you kindly be aware #

- # The girl can't help it #

- # The girl can't help it #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#If she walks by

the menfolks get engrossed #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#If she winks an eye

the bread slice turn to toast #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# Yeah, she's got a lot

of what they call the most #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# The girl can't help it

She was born to please #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

#And she's got

a figure made to squeeze #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it #

# Won't you kindly be aware #

- # The girl can't help it #

- # The girl can't help it #

#Because I'm hoping obviously #

# That someday

the answer would be #

# The girl can't help it

that she's in love with me #

#She can't help it

The girl can't help it ##

Still bringing your acts around

to catch free drinks, huh?

- Okay, Nick, put it on my tab.

- Hmm.

- If I can find room.

- [Ringing]

Hello? Huh?

Yeah, he's here.

It's for you.

Hello? Yes, this is Miller.

Sorry, I can't talk now.

I'm just closing a big deal

on one of my acts.

It's closed.

I make fast deals.

Tonight? No, I'm working

on another big deal tonight.

What's that address again?

942 Park Avenue?

Apartment 1502.

I might make it after all.

Okay, 8:
30.

##[Ends]

[Doorbell Buzzes]

[Sighs]

- I'm Miller.

- I'm Mousie.

##[Woman Singing On Film]

In there.

He's expecting you.

Who is?

[Man]

Hey, Miller.

Grab yourself a chair.

Lay off the booze, Miller.

[Applause]

Put the other reel on, Mousie.

I love old movies at home.

Like TV, except no commercials.

- Glad you could come, Miller.

- Thanks, Mr. -

Murdock.

You can forget the mister.

My friends call me Marty.

Fats Marty.

- Fats Marty?

- Ring a bell?

Vaguely, I seem to remember the name.

Vaguely. Vaguely everyone remembers.

Vaguely, I don't like it.

- My memory isn't the best.

- Forget it.

- Drink?

- I got the idea you were hoarding it.

That's brandy.

You're a scotch-over-the-rocks man.

Didn't want you to make

a mistake in the dark.

I know everything about

the people I do business with.

Except with you,

business ain't been so good lately, huh?

As long as you know,

I won't waste time lying.

Right. I got no time to waste.

Tom Miller.

Small-time agent.

Once, a touch of class,

but been dropping steadily.

Owes two, maybe three g's

spread around town the hard way-

office rent, apartment, big bar bills.

Hey, you even had

your Diner's Club card canceled.

You left out I owe the paperboy.

I also left out you once had

a great nose for finding new talent.

Dug up some big canaries.

But the booze got in your way.

Couldn't hold on

to the canaries, right?

Right.

Anything else I can tell you?

Like how my drinking

got in the way is my business?

Thanks for the old movie

and the autobiography.

Integrity. Hey, I like that.

Even when you can't afford it, huh?

[Boisterous Laugh]

[Mock Laugh]

That makes it integrity.

Hey. Hey, you got a point there.

Okay, cool off.

Besides havin' an eye for talent,

you never mix business with pleasure.

Kept your hands off the lady clients.

That I like.

Sit down, Mr. Miller. We're both

a couple of has-beens... temporarily.

Come on. Sit down.

All right, roll it, Mousie.

- Here's your drink.

- Thanks.

I collect old newsreels

I got personal interests in.

[Announcer] Mayor of New York

personally attacks illegal gambling.

At last, Mayor hits jackpot.

Mayor bids bon voyage to slots.

Now other poor fish can gamble.

Meanwhile, back at the municipal court...

the king of the slot machine syndicate,

Slim Murdock, is taken into custody.

I was Slim Murdock in those days.

Gambling equipment seized in raid

on Murdock's Long Island casino burns.

Tip by rival mobster Legs Wheeler

resulted in killing 13 of Murdock's mob.

Murdock, escorted to court,

vows to wipe out Wheeler.

I got out of that one too.

We had lawyers in those days.

Besides, I jumped bail. That's how come

I took my first trip to the continent.

Look. I was kind of

a talent scout myself then.

Slim Murdock relaxes on Riviera.

While New York crime commission

seeks his extradition...

Slim Murdock,

slot machine king...

puts on weight making whoopee

with European bathing beauties.

Nice goin', Fats.

"Fats."

That European cuisine and no work

put the lard on.

Gave me a moniker I never could lose.

Well, I had me a time over there.

Then I got lonely for my native land.

You know,

"Breeds there a man with soul so dead."

You know that one?

Well, my lawyer tells me the heat's off.

So I come home.

But I don't know till I'm back...

my lawyer's disbarred.

Atlanta Penitentiary,

the future home of Fats Murdock...

indicted on three counts

of income tax evasion.

Now comes the sad part.

Fats, handcuffed,

arrives to start prison term...

on tip supplied T-men

by Legs Wheeler.

A colorful figure,

Fats will lose that color behind bars.

A big man once.

Now, just another number.

Fats Marty.

Of course.

The top boy behind the slot machines.

I should have remembered.

Sorry, Fats.

L-

It's all right, Tommy boy.

It's all right.

Nobody remembers Fats no more,

Tommy boy.

But things used to be different.

I'd drive down those streets

and scare people silly.

I was somebody.

Used to get a brand-new,

bulletproof convertible every year...

ringside tables, best box at the Polo Grounds

right next to the mayor's.

You know what I mean?

- [Sighs]

- I know.

Now I'm so dead, I don't even rate

a mention in one of those scandal magazines.

You used to be a big man.

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