The Hard Word

---

Hi. Are you ready to order?

Yep.

Um...full English breakfast,

extra sausages,

extra toast, whole-wheat.

Id like a, er,

barbecue sauce with that,

and, um, a hot...

no, a Dijon mustard

Toast and tea, thanks, love.

Yeah. What sort of tea?

Ordinary, and white toast.

And you, sir?

Yeah. "Tapenade.

Bok-a-kini." Blah, blah, blah.

Bloke doesn't know

what he's ordering anymore.

Er, the, "brushedda,

"drizzled with, er,

extra virgin olive oil."

Bruschetta.

it's toast with fancy stuff. it's

a girls thing. Have the breakfast.

I don't want the breakfast.

I want the Bruschetta,

but I don't want it drizzled

with extra virgin f***ing anything.

What can I have instead?

Oh, anything,

as long as it's on the menu.

Chips. I want it with chips.

Just ordinary chips, right?

Straight ones.

Nice, long, straight ones.

Alright, there's the plate.

I want the toast thing there,

the chips there, right?

Toast thing, chips.

Got it.

And would you like a drink

with that, sir?

Yes. A Pepsi, no ice.

Oh, Im sorry.

We only have Coke here, sir.

I don't want, er, Coke.

I want Pepsi.

I'll get him a Pepsi.

Cold in a can!

We've got time for a swim after this.

How long we got?

48 minutes.

We haven't got any trunks.

Then we'll go in our undies.

Im not wearing any.

Well, Ill buy you some.

Undies?

Trunks, mate.

Well, that's a waste of money.

Oh, I think we can afford it.

I got trunks at Mum's.

No, I don't want any more.

I like the ones I got.

Yay.

There you are, mate. There.

Ah, cold in a can.

Here's one I like.

Race six in Melbourne.

The Sponge.

I thought we might go for a swim.

A swim? Haven't got any trunks.

What's going on now, mate?

Chips aren't straight.

Yeah, they are.

Don't touch 'em.

Im not eating that now.

You touched it.

Beautiful.

Want another chip, mate?

Yeah.

Thanks, Shane.

Have I got time

to place that bet now?

Hello?

Security...

Yep. Lovely.

The grey Calais, mate.

Right.

Listen, mate...

It'll be funny

not doing this anymore.

is a f***ing hoot, isn't it, really?

Next one, buddy.

Dale thinks

this is the last time.

Never say never, baby.

Is it or isn't it?

Ive got to know how to play.

What are you doing tonight?

So, he goes back inside.

How long for this time?

He'll be a little while yet.

Does he know that?

Well, I haven't told him, no.

Hell go f***ing apeshit.

And Shane,

Shane will rip someone's head off.

The cops will straighten them out.

You're cold bastard, Frank.

iron-cold bastard.

Don't get me wet again. Hell know.

He's been in over two years.

What's he expect?

Sexy little bint like you.

We're working on our dream,

that's what he expects.

We're working on a dream, alright,

and a beautiful dream it is.

Hey, Carol.

Alright, boys. it's only the cops.

My favourite sight. What's the split?

365 in change.

90 each? Not bad, not bad. Bag it.

We divvy up later on?

Yeah, later.

Later today, alright?

You give us our money today.

All of it, in cash.

The money's invested, fellas.

Wouldnt be good leaving a couple of

million bucks sitting around in cash.

Frank.

Boys.

Fellas.

Someone should call the police.

Go off alright?

it's going off, alright.

We all square then?

Yes, mate. All square. 50-50.

No one got hurt?

Only their feelings.

Well, Ill take the fellas in then,

finalise the, er, paperwork.

Best kind of paperwork,

I reckon, eh? Counting cash?

is that Dale in there?

Yep.

Give him a hurry-up, will you?

Dale! Come on, mate.

You've never taken this long before.

Get in.

Call you when we're done, eh?

Oh, g'day, fellas.

Jesus, mate.

What's going on in there?

So, how many is this, then?

Don't know. 10?

12, what, couple of years?

Two years, four months, eight days.

Well be sorry to see you go.

There'll be plenty of other blokes.

Nah, not with your track record.

Every one a winner.

No witnesses, no GBH, no worries.

Beauty. Got one.

The races are over, spaz.

Footy game tonight.

I can see the score.

Where you going tonight?

Hotel. Coogee Bay, I reckon.

Yeah.

You going to stick around for a bit?

Couple of weeks, see some old mates.

I have been thinking about Adelaide.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I like it down there.

Clean, dry.

It's sh*t as.

As soon as Frank gives us the money,

Im getting the first plane to...

Gold Coast.

What about you?

You going to find

that place in the country?

Yeah. Get ourselves organised,

start having a look.

Come on.

Copper, copper

What's the colour of a two-cent piece?

Copper, copper

What's the colour

of a two cent piece?

All coppers are c*nts

All coppers are c*nts

All coppers are c*nts

What's the colour

of a two cent piece?

Copper, copper.

Hey.

Sorry to keep you waiting. You know.

Paperwork.

F***ing nightmare.

Now, I need you guys

to sign here and there.

Let's have a little look, eh?

What's going on?

Well, fellas,

there's been a bit of a hitch.

We're going back inside?

it's for your own protection.

You guys will need an alibi.

Now, you've been here with us

all day.

Why do we suddenly need an alibi?

Serious Crime's got involved, Dale.

The driver saw your face,

gave a perfect description.

You've f***ing had him in here,

haven't you?

You prick.

This has been a line-up, fellas.

Don't get paranoid, sport.

it's just a precaution.

Remove you from the picture

for two days while it blows over.

The Governor signed

our f***ing RELEASE FORMS, mate!

So, he unsigns them.

Just paperwork, right?

Exactly.

See?

You've been in police custody all day,

helping us with our inquiries.

What's the Governor's cut? He must

be making a packet out of this.

Start making allegations like that,

Dale, I don't like your chances.

Can't lie to Shane.

He always knows. Does not like it.

You better f***ing grab him, mate.

F***in' Frank. This was his idea.

But he's our lawyer.

You're very sweet, mate,

but sometimes you are thick.

Ive been a bit thick too.

You're not thick, mate.

Genius of the family.

Ive got a million bucks I can't get,

and a bent lawyer

who's poking my wife.

Aw, mate. No way!

Not that, not f***ing her.

He's probably poking her right now.

Yeah, but Carols a beaut.

She'd never do that to you.

She loves you.

See, mate? You can't lie to Shane.

Er, it doesn't mean they're...

You know, I mean...

Calm down, Shane.

I believe you, OK? Carol and Frank.

F***!

Baby!

Sorry Im late.

Traffic was terrible.

Yeah, I know

what traffic can be like.

Don't be like that.

I came, didn't I?

I was looking forward to it.

Don't be a tart.

Aw, I thought

you liked me being a tart.

I like you being my tart.

Well, well see whose tart I am

when you get home, huh?

Whenever the f*** that might be.

I wonder if itll be the same.

Why wouldnt it?

We haven't really seen each other

properly in the last couple of years.

Hard for a girl

to keep her mind on the job.

My mind is exactly where it's been

since the day we met.

How am I supposed to know that?

Listen to yourself.

Just have a little listen

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes