The Hateful Eight Page #8

no matter the meat.

And there was another fellow

on the plantation, Uncle Charly.

He made stew too

and like my mama's.

I ate his stew from the

time I was a whipper,

to I was a full grown man.

And no matter the meat,

it always tasted like Uncle Charly's stew.

Now I ain't had Minnie's stew in six

months, so I ain't no expert, but that,

damn sure is Minnie's stew.

So if Minnie's on the north side

visiting her mama for a week,

how'd she make the stew this morning?

And this?

This... is Sweet Dave's chair.

When I sat in it earlier,

I couldn't belive it.

Nobody sits in Sweet Dave's chaire.

This may be Minnie's place,

but this is damn sure,

Sweet Dave's chair.

And if... he went to

the north side....

I'm pretty goddamn sure

that chair's be going with him.

What's in the chair?

Just what I thought.

Sweet Dave's goddamn blood.

So...

are you actually accusing me of murder?

The way I see it, Senior Bob,

whoever's workin' with her,

ain't who they say they is.

And if it's you,

that means Minnie

and her man ain't at her mama's.

They're lyin' out back

there dead somewhere.

Or if it's you Britisch Man,

the real Oswaldo Mobray is lyin'

in a ditch somewhere. And

you're just an English fella'

passin' off his papers.

Or we go by my theory, which

is the ugliest guy did it.

Which makes it you, Joe Gage.

So I take it you've

deduced the coffy was

poisoned while you were

murdering the old man?

Yes.

Well, mi negro amigo,

during that whole incident...

I was sitting on that side of the room.

Playing Silent Night on the piano.

I didn't say you poisoned the coffy.

I said you didn't make the stew.

My theory is...

you're working with man

who poisoned the coffy.

And both of y'all murdered Minnie,

and Sweet Dave and whoever

else picked this bad luck

day to visit Minnie's

Haberdashery this morning.

And at some point, y'all intented

to bushwhack John Ruth and free Daisy.

But you didn't count on the blizzard

and you didn't count on the two of us.

That's as far as I got.

How am I doin'?

Your a real imaginative n*gger, ain't you?

So, do you intend to murder me

based on a far fetched n*gger theory?

Or can you prove it, cabrone?

It ain't so far fetched, Senior Bob.

And it's a little bit more then my theory.

How long you say you been

working for Minnie's?

Four months.

If you would have been here

two and half years ago

you'd know about the sign

usta' hang above the bar.

- Minnie mentioned that to you?

- No.

You know what that sign said, Senior Bob?

"No dogs or Mexicans allowed"

Minnie hung that sign up the

day she opened this Habadashery.

And it hung over that

Bar every day till she

took down, a little

over two years ago.

You know why she took it down?

She started lettin' in dogs.

Now Minnie likes just about everybody,

but she sure don't like Mexicans.

So when you tell me, Minnie went

to North side to visit her mama?

Well I find that highly

unlikely... but okay - maybe.

But when you tell me Minnie

Mink took The Habadashery,

the most precious thing to

her in the whole world,

and left it in hands of a Goddamn Mexican?

Well that's what I meant in the barn when I

said:
"That sure don't sound like Minnie".

Now I am calling you a liar, Senior Bob.

And if you lyin, which you are,

then you killed Minnie -

and Sweet Dave.

Four measly bulltes and

there goes Senior, Bob.

That still don't get us no closer...

to which one of y'all

poisoned the coffy, though.

- Does it Chris?

- No it sure don't.

Now one of y'all poisoned this coffy,

to free Daisy.

If I don't hear a

confession from one of you

motherfuckers quick,

fast and in a hurry,

I'm gonna' pull this whole pot of coffy,

down that b*tches goddamn throat.

Okay, time's up.

Stop! Alright I did it,

it was me I poisoned the coffy.

I f***in' knew it!

You gonna' die now you murderin' bastard.

Major Warren please let me

sent this ugly son of a b*tch to hell.

You killed O.B. he's worth ten of you!

Warren can I kill him?

Say adios to your Huevos.

Major Warren?

I ain't got no gun, sheriff.

Chapter Five The Four Passengers

Earlier That Morning.

- Hey Charly my, how the hell are you?

- Hi ya' Ed, hi ya' Judy-

- How many ya' got?

- Full house today, friend.

We got on in there waiting.

Well he's gonna' hafta keep on

waitin' cause we ain't got no room.

Well you need to tell Minnie.

Cause he's been

here two days and Minnie

wants him outta here.

Well I can't give him a seat I don't have -

Listen why don't you take the passengers

inside, introduce them to Minnie.

- Warm youself up and drink some coffy.

- Okay.

Here we are everybody,

Minnie's Haberdashery.

Step outside you and

your friends can stretch

your legs. When you're

reday, stop on inside,

get warm by the fire, get some coffy

in you. I'll introduve you to Minnie.

Hi Minnie!

I'm not trying to tell

you how to run your business.

But I would think coffy

would be the first thing you'd make.

- Come on in everybody, don't be shy.

- Hats!

Everybody, this is Minnie,

and this is her place.

Behind me pluckin' that chicken is Gemma.

Lovley smile, that Gemma.

Now the fella' in the

uniform I don't know but

the one he's playing chess

with is Sweet Dave.

- Hi ya' Dave.

- Hey Judy.

And Minnie, these are the passengers.

Well that's not good enough.

Go take away them rags,

let's see some faces let's hear some names.

Oswaldo Mobray, madame.

Joe Gage.

Bob.

And I'm Jody.

It's a pleasant surprise

to find such a warm

sanctuary in the middle

of such a cold hell.

Well make yourself comfortable.

Get warm by the fire.

We're just gonna' go warm ourself's

by the stove, if that's all right?

Stove, fireplace, whatever.

Just get warm.

Oh, and Judy said something

about the best coffy in the world?

Yes I do belive Judy did say something

about the best coffy in the world.

Well I don't know 'bout all that.

But I'll tell ya what it is.

It's hot and it's strong

and it's good. And

in this snow it sure

'nuff warms your ass up.

You don't need to sell it,

Minnie, you need make it.

And you need to get

your ass out there and

help Charly with them

bags and get Ed in here.

- Yes, ma'am, but fix the coffy.

- I'll fix you!

I don't know some old man.

Well I don't know what I'm

suppose to do about it.

I'm just tellin' you what she said.

Anyway she sent me out here

to help Charly, she wants to talk to you.

Got 'em, Ed.

Miss Minnie?

Would you roll me a cigarette?

Sure honey,

I smoke Red Apple Tobacco, that all right?

It's my favorite.

Don't mind me gentlemen,

I'm just watching.

You play?

You know,

I must of had at least twelve people,

teach me that goddamn game.

Just never could keep the moves in my head.

But if I'm not disturbing,

I like to watch?

Hell no. I like whippin' this

old man's ass in front of a audience,

You ain't whippin' sh*t.

Merci beaucoup Mademoiselle, Minnie.

- Oh that's real nice, what is that?

- It's french.

- You speak french?

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