The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

OVER DARKNESS... 1

...we hear what we will come to know as the VOICE OF THE

GUIDE.

GUIDE VOICE:

It is an important and popular fact that

things are not always what they seem.

A small square image appears on screen. Home video. The

dolphin stadium at Sea World.

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had

always assumed that he was the most

intelligent species occupying the planet,

instead of the third most intelligent

which was, in fact, entirely accurate.

The dolphins perform; leaping through hoops, etc.

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

The second most intelligent creatures

were, of course, dolphins who curiously

enough had long known of the impending

destruction of the planet Earth. They had

made many attempts to alert mankind to the

danger, but most of their communications

were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to

punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so

they eventually decided they would leave

Earth by their own means.

They leap madly, desperately. Higher and higher...

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

The last ever dolphin message was

misinterpreted as a surprisingly

sophisticated attempt to do a double-

backward somersault through a hoop while

whistling the "Star-Spangled Banner" but

in fact the message was this...

"So long and thanks for all the fish."

TITLES ROLL - (FULL SCREEN 35mm IMAGES)

Dolphins leap over and interact with the opening titles.

Breathtaking somersaults, back flips, choreographed to a

Buzby Berkley-style song called, "SO LONG AND THANKS FOR

ALL THE FISH." We end with a wide shot of all the

dolphins jumping out of the top of frame, but they never

come back down. TILT UP to a starry night sky - the

dolphins have vanished.

END TITLES:

As night turns to morning, we hear CLICK, then...

VOICE ON RADIO:

...as well as Sea World Orlando and San

Diego reporting their dolphins have

mysteriously disappeared overnight.

CUT TO:

2 3.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

INT. ARTHUR DENT'S BEDROOM - MORNING 2

CLOSE ON the clock radio from which the voice emanates.

A hand shuts it off. ARTHUR DENT is awake. 30's. Kind

faced. His feet land perfectly in slippers as he stands

and shuffles out of his very neat but very boring room.

3 IN THE BATHROOM - Arthur gargles in front of the mirror. 3

He bends over to spit revealing a YELLOW BULLDOZER

through the window, crawling toward his house. A TEA

KETTLE WHISTLES O.S.

4 INT. ARTHUR DENT'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 4

Arthur sets the newspaper (with the headline "DOLPHINS

VANISH") on the table, removes the kettle. Doesn't notice

through the window 3 MORE LARGE YELLOW BULLDOZERS.

He pours a cup of tea, sets the pot down next o his

mobile phone. He picks it up, stares at a DIGITAL PHOTO

ON THE SCREEN of himself and a very pretty woman (Tricia)

at a costume party.

He presses the phone to his head as if it were a cold

compress. Suddenly, there's a LOUD RUMBLING o.s. The

tea cup RATTLES. Arthur looks out the window. Now he

sees the bulldozers.

The tea cup shatters on the floor.

CUT TO:

5 EXT. ARTHUR DENT'S HOUSE - MORNING 5

Arthur, dressed in pajamas and robe, lies in the dirt in

front of a bulldozer, blocking it from destroying his

house. He yells into his mobile phone.

ARTHUR:

(into phone)

What do you mean he's gone out to lunch?

You just said he was still at breakfast!

MR. PROSSER, a bureaucrat, leans over him.

PROSSER:

Come off it, Mr. Dent. You can't lie in

front of the bulldozers forever.

ARTHUR:

I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.

PROSSER:

This bypass has got to be built and it's

going to be built. You should have made

your protest months ago.

ARTHUR:

The first I heard of it was when a workman

came yesterday. I asked if he'd come to

clean the windows, and he said he'd come

to demolish the house. He didn't tell me

right away of course. First he wiped a

couple of windows and charged me twenty

quid. Then he told me.

(CONTINUED)

5 4.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

CONTINUED:
5

The bulldozer driver, looking guilty, ducks behind the

steering wheel. Prosser removes plans from his briefcase.

PROSSER:

Look. These plans have been on display at

the planning office now for a year.

ARTHUR:

On display? I had to go down to a cellar!

PROSSER:

That's the display department.

ARTHUR:

I eventually found them in the bottom of a

locked filing cabinet in a disused

lavatory with a sign on the door saying

'beware of the leopard'.

PROSSER:

Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much

damage that bulldozer would suffer if I

just let it roll straight over you?

ARTHUR:

How much?

PROSSER:

None at all.

FORD (O.S.)

(American accent)

Arthur!

Arthur and Prosser turn to see a man cresting a hill,

pushing a shopping cart which is filled with beer and

bags of peanuts. This is FORD PREFECT. Wiry, intense.

As he heads downhill, he leaps up and rides the cart down

towards Arthur's house -- like a kid in a supermarket.

He rolls right past Arthur and the bulldozers.

ARTHUR:

Ford?

He leaps off, drags the cart to a full stop.

FORD:

Arthur! There you are. Here drink and

eat with me. We need to talk.

ARTHUR:

Er, um...now's not the best time, Ford

They're going to demolish my home,

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