The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #10

MARVIN (CONT'D)

I'm not getting you down at all am I?

TRILLIAN:

No, no, Marvin, it's fine really. It's just

part of life.

MARVIN:

Life. Don't talk to me about life.

Marvin trudges away. A door slides open for him and

makes an audible, satisfied SIGH as it does.

DOOR:

Mmmmmyaaahhhhhh!

33 EXT. DEEP SPACE - NIGHT 33

The Heart of Gold cruises around a bright star.

34 INT. BRIDGE OF VOGON DESTROYER SHIP - NIGHT 34

A light blinks on a console. A VOGON CAPTAIN turns a

dial, listens through his head set. He punches a few

buttons. COMMANDER KWALTZ (green and walrusy like Jeltz)

appears on the large monitor, sitting in his chair at

Command Headquarters.

VOGON CAPTAIN:

Commander Kwaltz. We've located the

spaceship Heart of Gold and President

Beeblebrox. Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.

Requesting hyperspace clearance.

(CONTINUED)

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34

KWALTZ (ON MONITOR)

Hold your position, captain, until

clearance is granted.

35 INT. VOGON COMMAND HEADQUARTERS - MOMENTS LATER 35

Kwaltz sits at the end of a concrete war room table.

KWALTZ:

Get me the vice-president.

Approximately 15 Vogons sit around the table murmuring

sporadically. A VOGON MESSENGER runs up, holding papers.

Kwaltz takes them, signs, signs the next page -- and the

next. He hands them back to the messengers (who has been

jogging in place the whole time). He runs off. The

VOGON CAPTAIN appears on the large screen before him.

KWALTZ (CONT'D)

Hyperspace permission granted, Captain.

36 EXT. SPACE ­ NIGHT 36

A hundred rectangular vogon ships blast forward.

CUT TO:

37 INT. HEART OF GOLD. RECEIVING BAY - NIGHT 37

Arthur looks around and notices the room is gleaming

white, hi-tech, brand new, plastic still on some stuff.

ARTHUR:

Now this is more like my idea of a

spaceship. Look at all these buttons...

FORD:

Shhh.

They listen. Hear footsteps.

FORD (CONT'D)

This way.

He pushes a button. The door slides open with a satisfied

sigh -- "Hhhmmyaaaahhh". As they walk through...

37a INT- HOG- CORRIDOR NIGHT 37a

DOOR:

Thank you for using this door. I've

enjoyed opening for you. Hhmmyaahh...

They leap through to the other side as the door closes.

MARVIN (0.S.)

Ghastly, isn't it?

They whip around to find Marvin standing before them.

(CONTINUED)

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37a

MARVIN (CONT'D)

I've been ordered to take you up to the

bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a

planet, and they ask me to take you up to

the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? -

'cause I don't.

Marvin turns and walks away. They shrug to each other and

follow. Marvin passes through another door that opens with

the same sigh -- "Hhmmaaaahhh"

DOOR:

What a pleasure it is to open for you.

I will gladly close for you now.

The door closes.

MARVIN:

"All the doors in this spacecraft have a

cheerful and sunny disposition. It is

their pleasure to open for you, and their

satisfaction to close again with the

knowledge of a job well done.

The door repeats its whole closing and opening routine

again.

MARVIN (CONT'D)

Hateful, isn't it? You can thank the

Marketing Division of the Sirius

Cybernetics Corporation for building

robots with GPP.

ARTHUR:

GPP?

MARVIN:

"Genuine People Personalities." I'm a

personality prototype. You can tell can't

you?

ARTHUR:

Er. . .

MARVIN:

Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon

me for breathing, which I never do anyway,

so I don't know why I even bother to say

it. Oh god, I'm so depressed.

They round a corner...

(CONTINUED)

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MARVIN (CONT'D)

And then I've got this terrible pain in

all the diodes down my left side. I've

asked for them to be replaced but no one

ever listens.

ARTHUR:

Really? Wonder why?

FORD:

(aside to Arthur)

Probably because he's so negative.

ARTHUR:

Yes, I know. I was being...never mind.

They continue on.

38 INT. HEART OF GOLD. BRIDGE. -- MOMENTS LATER 38

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