The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #11

HANGING ON THE WALL is the official presidential portrait,

featuring Zaphod who sports a very smart suit and a fake

politicians smile. Tilt down to the door which opens -

"Mmyyahhh!" - to reveal Ford, Arthur and Marvin.

MARVIN:

I've brought the aliens. Don't thank me

or anything.

Zaphod spins around in his chair, holding a gun but

sporting that same politically correct smile.

ZAPHOD:

Freeze!

Arthur and Ford throw their hands up. Marvin doesn't.

MARVIN:

Do you mean sit in a corner and rust or

just fall apart where I'm standing?

ZAPHOD:

I wasn't talking to you.

FORD:

Zaphod?

ZAPHOD:

Ixxie? It is you! IXXIE!

Zaphod gives Ford a big bear hug. He pulls away, then

playfully punches Ford in the arm.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

Praxibetel Ix, you zarking hoopy! What

the hell are you doing here?

FORD:

I don't know! Just stuck out the thumb

and here I am.

(CONTINUED)

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ZAPHOD:

That is so you.

FORD:

And look at you! President? Last time I

saw you, you were a beach bum.

ZAPHOD:

Is it a great galaxy or what?

(punching his arm again)

I still can't believe this. Ixxie! Here!

ON MY SHIP!

FORD:

Hey, it's Ford now.

ZAPHOD:

Hmm?

FORD:

My name. It's Ford Prefect. Picked it up

on Earth. Sorta grew on me.

ZAPHOD:

Okay "Ford" -- you zarking frood.

They embrace, tussle, punch arms. They bump into Arthur.

FORD:

Oh, this is Arthur. Arthur, this is

Zaphod Beeblebrox. My cousin? Semi-half

brother?

ZAPHOD:

He shares three of the same mothers as me.

ARTHUR:

We've met.

ZAPHOD:

Have we? Sorry. I've got a terrible

memory for species.

Before Arthur can explain, Trillian enters.

TRILLIAN:

Everything okay?

ZAPHOD:

Hey, hon. Come here. You won't believe

this. Ix...um, sorry..."Ford"...this is...

ARTHUR:

Tricia McMillan?

She takes a closer look at him.

TRILLIAN:

Arthur?

(CONTINUED)

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Arthur is stunned silent. He goes to her, making sure she's

really there. He's speechless. She smiles and gives him a

friendly embrace.

ARTHUR:

(completely bewildered)

I can't believe this...I've been

looking...and you're here? I went to get

wine and...

TRILLIAN:

I know. And it was rude to just leave,

but I told you I wanted to get away, and

he had a spaceship parked outside, well,

honestly -- I assumed you were a sort of

stay-at-home-and-read-a book type.

(hopeful)

But you're here...

Arthur smiles, then realizes with some regret...

ARTHUR:

Actually -- I am that type. But...well

you do know what happened, don't you?

Zaphod stops in between them, puts his arm around Arthur.

ZAPHOD:

--Ford picked him up, they hitched a ride,

and here we all are. Now, enough small

talk, Trill. We're on the run, remember?

I stole a ship?

ARTHUR:

We're having a bit of a chat if you don't

mind.

Arthur SHOVES Zaphod's hand off his shoulder. Oddly,

Zaphod reacts with a smile. And then -- his head shoots

all the up way revealing a second head that lives

somewhere under his chin.

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut up

or I'll kick you in the gones!

FORD:

There's the Zaphod I remember.

Arthur recoils in horror, instinctively raises his fists.

Zaphod wrestles with Head 2 while A THIRD ARM springs out

of Zaphod's chest and PUNCHES ARTHUR in the jaw. Arthur

buckles and hits the floor.

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

You should teach your pal a lesson, Ford.

He's a guest on my ship.

FORD:

I thought you said you stole it.

(CONTINUED)

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ZAPHOD HEAD 2

Fine. Get technical.

A KLAXON sounds. Red lights FLASH. Zaphod (Head 2)

hurries to the console. Ford follows.

Trillian hurries to Arthur who nurses his jaw.

TRILLIAN:

Are you all right?

ARTHUR:

I feel like a bloody idiot. I've spent

all week looking for Tricia McMillan and

that isn't even your name.

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