The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #16

He takes out the Guide. Zaphod looks to Trillian.

TRILLIAN:

Definitely. I'm in.

They're all standing together. They turn to Arthur.

Arthur looks to Trillian. She stares back -- waiting.

ARTHUR:

Do I even have a choice?

Zaphod smiles, all bright and cheery.

ZAPHOD:

No!

Arthur looks at the button.

ARTHUR:

What exactly does an Infinite

Improbability Drive do?

Suddenly, Zaphod's Head 2 shoots up!

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

THIS!!

Zaphod's third arm shoots out and smacks the button.

50 EXT. SPACE - NIGHT 50

Improbability Drive Effect -- as the ship flips across

space and disappears, leaving nothing but shimmers.

(CONTINUED)

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GUIDE VOICE:

The Infinite Improbability Drive is a new

method of crossing vast interstellar

distances without all that tedious mucking

about in hyperspace. As soon as the drive

reaches Infinite Improbability, it passes

through every conceivable point in every

conceivable Universe almost simultaneously,

then selects the appropriate re-entry

point. The principle of generating small

amounts of finite improbability by hooking

the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-

Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter

suspended in a strong Brownian Motion

producer, say a nice hot cup of tea, were

of course well understood.

Seconds later, the Vogon Destroyer comes out of

hyperspace and slows to cruising speed.

51 INT. VOGON DESTROYER SHIP. BRIDGE - NIGHT 51

Vogon controllers and copilots turn dials and push

buttons, scrambling to regain a signal.

GUIDE VOICE:

Such generators were often used to break

the ice at parties by making all the

molecules in the hostess's undergarments

leap simultaneously one foot to the left,

in accordance with the Theory of

Indeterminacy.

Kwaltz and Questular appear on the monitor.

KWALTZ:

Well, Captain...?

Controllers turn more dials, trying to find the ship.

GUIDE VOICE:

Many respectable physicists said they

weren't going to stand for that sort of

thing partly because it was a debasement

of science, but mostly because they didn't

get invited to those sort of parties.

VOGON CAPTAIN:

We had them sir. These are the

coordinates. But -- they're not here.

KWALTZ:

I can see that. WHERE ARE THEY?

The captain shrugs. Kwaltz heaves a walrusy sigh.

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2 EXT. DEEP SPACE - NIGHT 52

We hover above a greenish/purplish planet.

IMPROBABILITY EFFECT - space RIPPLES. Something begins to

materialize, something big and gray - tumbling toward us.

We now see the big, gray thing is a GIANT RHINOCEROS --

which ripples, flips inside out and becomes the Heart of

Gold.

53a INT. HEART OF GOLD. BRIDGE - NIGHT 53a

A knitted version of Arthur, Trillian, Ford and Zaphod

sit in chairs before the ships console.

KNITTED ZAPHOD:

(clutching stomach)

Is this going to happen every time we hit

that button?

KNITTED TRILLIAN

Very probably, yes.

53 The air ripples. The 'knitted' crew flip back to their 53

former selves. Arthur pukes into a trash bin and with a

sick expression, looks up to the screen.

ARTHUR:

Did it work? Are we there?

Now Zaphod looks -- and he's elated.

ZAPHOD:

Yes!...I think. Computer?

EDDIE:

Hi, fella!

Head 2 suddenly springs up.

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

Can you please change that zarking

annoying voice!!?

TRILLIAN:

Computer? What planet is that, please?

EDDIE:

CHECKING!!

On-hold Muzak plays. They all sit and listen for a few

beats, then Arthur yelps...

ARTHUR:

OW!!

(spinning around to Zaphod)

Did you just pluck a hair from my head?

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

Yeah, as if, apeman.

(CONTINUED)

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Arthur suddenly feels something on his back, leaps out of

the chair and brushes it off.

The two mice land on the floor across the ship, then

scurry away down a hallway. Before Arthur can react...

EDDIE:

Thanks for waiting, everyone. I'm just

tickled pink to tell you we are currently

in orbit around the planet Viltvodle 6.

PUSH IN ON ZAPHOD -- who's 2nd Head suddenly shoots up.

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

Humma Kavula!

54 INT. VOGON DESTROYER SHIP. BRIDGE - NIGHT 54

Vogon crew quickly enter data. A FLIGHT ENGINEER gets

something on his screen, shows it to the Captain.

VOGON CAPTAIN:

Sir, the Heart of Gold has just requested

permission to land on Viltvodle 6. Should

I pursue?

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