The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #17

KWALTZ (ON MONITOR)

That is not a request to which I can

respond, captain. Should I pursue what?

Are you requesting hyperspace clearance so

that you may pursue the fugitive?

VOGON CAPTAIN:

Yes, commander.

KWALTZ (ON MONITOR)

Then you must say that, captain -- in

request form.

VOGON CAPTAIN:

Requesting hyperspace clearance to pursue

the fugitive, sir.

KWALTZ (ON MONITOR)

Thank you. Request acknowledged. Await

response.

55 INT. VOGON HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS 55

KWALTZ:

(into microphone)

Bring me the request to pursue fugitive

forms.

The war room is silent. We hear the sound of running

above. The footsteps hurry all the way around, we hear a

door open, running up more steps, along the corridor

until and finally an exhausted Vogon Messenger bursts

through the door holding a blue form. Questular shakes

his head in disbelief as Kwaltz signs the request form.

(CONTINUED)

5 50.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

5 CONTINUED:
55

QUESTULAR:

This is ridiculous! What do you need, an

executive order? Fine. I order you. Stop

doing this! Go and get him!

KWALTZ:

According to Subsection 94b, paragraph 2,

you're not authorized to make such an

order.

QUESTULAR:

But I'm acting president!

KWALTZ:

Then act like a president, and do nothing.

Kwaltz continues to fill out the forms. Questular grabs

a clump of his hair -- and pulls it out.

CUT TO:

56 EXT. VILTVODLE 6. SPACEPORT. - NIGHT 56

All we can see are the lights of the Heart of Gold's

entry ramp cutting through a dense fog. Or is it fog?

Zaphod's 2nd head is up as he comes down the ramp ahead

of the other three.

ZAPHOD HEAD 2

Humma Kavula!

BACK A FEW STEPS WITH ARTHUR, TRILLIAN AND FORD...

ARTHUR:

Why does he keep saying that?

TRILLIAN:

I don't know. I'm not used to seeing him

this way.

ARTHUR:

You mean fully clothed?

She stops, fires him a look.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)

Sorry, but I can't for the life of me

figure out why you, the most brilliant

woman I have ever met, have ended up with

that half-witted, self-obsessed, vapid

politician! I mean, look at him!

They squint through the fog at Zaphod, Head 2 out. His

hands keep trying to get it down but the 3rd arm keeps

whacking them away. He disappears into the fog.

(CONTINUED)

5 51.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

6 CONTINUED:
56

TRILLIAN:

Clearly unlike any guy I've ever met.

(back to Arthur)

Look, if you're going to pout your way

around space, then maybe you should just

go home.

ARTHUR:

I can't. That's the whole point -- and

I've been trying to tell you...

FORD:

(interrupting)

Hey, look what I found in the guide.

He hands the guide to Trillian. She keeps walking.

FORD (CONT'D)

I wouldn't tell her if I were you.

ARTHUR:

She deserves to know.

FORD:

But if you tell her and she ends up with

you because you're literally the last guy

on Earth -- you'll always doubt her

intentions.

Arthur considers this. Nods.

FORD (CONT'D)

Got your towel?

ARTHUR:

Do I need it?

FORD:

Only always.

Ford puts his towel to his mouth as they follow Trillian

down the mist covered street. She's reading the guide.

GUIDE VOICE:

In the beginning, the universe was created.

This made a lot of people very angry and

has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Zaphod continues several steps ahead of them.

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

Many races believe that it was created by

some sort of God, though the Jatravartid

people of Viltvodle 6 firmly believe that

the entire Universe was in fact sneezed

out of the nose of a being called the

Great Green Arkleseizure. The

Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

5 52.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

6 CONTINUED:
(2) 56

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

of the time they call "The Coming of Great

White Handkerchief" are small blue

creatures with more than fifty arms each.

...who are therefore unique in being the

only race in history to have invented the

aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

Rate this script:3.0 / 3 votes