The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #22

Marvin moves out, a few paces behind.

FORD:

I checked the guide for ways to rescue a

prisoner from Vogsphere. It said "Don't."

I'm assuming your plan is better.

(CONTINUED)

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ARTHUR:

Well, I sort of had this idea we could...

A TELESCOPIC ROD WITH A PADDLE AT THE TOP shoots out of

the ground, SMACKS Arthur on the face, then retracts.

Arthur is stunned. None of the others have noticed.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)

Did anyone see that?

ZAPHOD:

See what?

They look at Arthur. It suddenly seems ridiculous.

ARTHUR:

Nothing.

They all walk along - Arthur at the back, perplexed.

FORD:

What was it?

ARTHUR:

Nothing. Just my imagination.

Another paddle springs up, double smack in the face.

Arthur leaps back. Looks down. Nothing. Nothing at all.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)

Alright, stop. Everyone stop and watch

me. Something's happening.

They watch. Arthur walks. And walks.

FORD:

Okay. I think we...

A paddle springs up and smacks Ford's face.

FORD (CONT'D)

AH!

He leaps back, clutching his cheeks. Arthur spins around.

ARTHUR:

You, too?

FORD:

Yes. What was that?

Arthur lifts his feet very carefully.

FORD (CONT'D)

I th...

He stops himself and looks round.

(CONTINUED)

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FORD (CONT'D)

What do you think, Zaphod?

Zaphod pulls his thinking cap down, thinks hard.

ZAPHOD:

I think we should keep going.

A paddle shoots up, smacks Zaphod's face. They all saw.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

AAAH!!

ARTHUR:

What the blazes is that?

FORD:

(very deliberately)

I have... an idea.

A paddle shoots up. Ford ducks. It misses. He grabs its

telescopic stalk. It thrashes in his hands. He breaks it.

FORD (CONT'D)

Okay, don't think of anything. Don't have

ideas or theories -- nothing.

A beat. They all strain to think of nothing. Several

paddles shoot up. Smacking them.

ARTHUR:

I can't, help it! Trillian is in there

somewhere and we need an idea to save her.

ZAPHOD:

I have an idea. (SMACK!) Run!

FORD:

Ever the politician.

They take off running. A forest of paddle stalks erupts

out of the ground around them, smacking violently.

They come to rest at the side of a Vogon building.

ARTHUR:

Okay, so...

(thinking)

...not thinking, not thinking, no ideas

coming...

(looking to Marvin)

...this is by no means an idea that has

any merit, but Marvin -- can you give me a

hand?

SMASH CUT TO:

71 INT. VOGON ADMINISTRATION BUILDING - DAY 71

The dullest office environment ever. A counter with few

VOGONS behind it, mindlessly moving bits of paper around.

(CONTINUED)

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The front doors BURST open. Arthur storms through them,

holding Marvin's arm which has the fingers pointed like a

gun. He trips, falls, drops the arm, picks it up again,

trying hard to look tough. Ford and Zaphod follow, Zaphod

wearing the Thinking Cap and sunglasses for disguise.

Ford wearing his towel over his face like a bandit.

The Vogons look up, nonplussed.

ARTHUR:

Alright, where is she?

VOGON BEHIND COUNTER

Who? The Director of Robot Arm repair?

Next building, out the door to the left.

Arthur looks at the arm -- then slowly lowers it.

ARTHUR:

Actually, we're looking for...

(how to put this...?)

...someone you're detaining, perhaps in

some form of incarceration...

VOGON BEHIND COUNTER

Prisoner Release Department. Six buildings

down, out the door, right, left, then two

rights. Big gray building, can't miss it.

CUT TO:

72 INT. PRISONER PROCESSING BLDG./INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY 72

Trillian is seated beside a desk while a VOGON OFFICER

asks her questions. Kwaltz and Questular stand nearby.

VOGON OFFICER:

Name?

TRILLIAN:

Trillian.

He types into his ancient looking computer.

VOGON OFFICER:

Not registered.

TRILLIAN:

Try Tricia McMillan.

VOGON OFFICER:

Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus of Blaard?

TRILLIAN:

No. Tricia Imogene McMillan of Earth.

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