The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #26

83c The screens show two huge rockets thundering at us, 83c

Zaphod just smiles. Ford steps up.

FORD:

Um...yes, computer. Evade!

Massive acceleration! An illuminated dome lowers from the

ceiling over the crew seats - creating a safety pod.

84 EXT. ABOVE MAGRATHEA. DAWN 84

The Heart of Gold streaks away. Two large missiles follow

and mimic the H.O.G.'s every move.

85 INT. THE BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS 85

The crew are thrown from one side of the pod to the other.

EDDIE:

There seems to be something jamming my

guidance systems. Impact minus 45

seconds. Call me Eddie if it'll help you

relax.

(84 cont) EXT. SKY OVER MAGRATHEA - CONTINUOUS (84 cont)

The H.O.G. streaks forward. The missiles are gaining.

ARTHUR:

Computer! DO SOMETHING!!

(CONTINUED)

( 76.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

84 cont) CONTINUED: (84 cont)

EDDIE:

Sure thing, fellah. Handing over manual

control. Good luck!

Big swell of Muzak. The ship drops like a stone.

THE MISSILES -- miss, then turn in a screeching curve.

(85 cont) INT. THE SAFETY POD - (85 cont)

Zaphod tries to wrestle with three controls.

ZAPHOD:

I can't do this without my other arm!

(84 cont) THE H.O.G. -- spirals wildly, missiles narrowly missing. (84 cont)

(85 cont) IN THE SAFETY POD - everyone is thrown. (85 cont)

(84 cont) IN THE SKY -- the missiles are dead ahead, shooting (84 cont)

straight for us.

(85 cont) IN THE SAFETY POD-- (85 cont)

ZAPHOD:

Did we lose them?

FORD:

No. They're right behind us.

He looks down, sees the IMPROBABILITY DRIVE BUTTON.

ARTHUR:

Look, why don't I just hit this thing?

ZAPHOD:

NO! We're here! No telling where it will

send us!

(84 cont) IN THE SKY-- (84 cont)

The missiles turn and accelerate high into the sky. A

second set of boosters kick in on the missiles as they

soar back toward the H.O.G. --- much, much faster.

(85 cont) ON THE BRIDGE-- (85 cont)

They all stare at the approaching missiles. Arthur looks

at the drive button. Screw it. He flips open the glass

lid.

ZAPHOD:

NO!

Too late. ARTHUR HITS THE BUTTON.

WOOMF! Light blasts through the bridge. Morphing

madness!

86 EXT. SPACE. - NIGHT 86

Empty for a moment. Then, the HEART OF GOLD reforms. A

few beats later, a SPERM WHALE floats into frame followed

by a BOWL OF PETUNIAS.

8 77.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

7 INT. THE BRIDGE - NIGHT 87

It coalesces back into shape out of chaos. The safety

dome rises revealing our heroes standing in the exact

same place they were - dazed.

ZAPHOD:

Um...where are we?

TRILLIAN:

Exactly where we were, I think.

ZAPHOD:

And the missiles?

FORD:

Have apparently turned into a bowl of

petunias and a very surprised looking

whale.

He points to the screen. The whale and petunias float by.

EDDIE:

At an improbability factor of eight

million, seven hundred and sixty-seven

thousand, one hundred and twenty-eight to

one against.

They all look to Arthur who shrugs. Zaphod nods his

approval. Ford counts on his fingers -- are they even?

He waves it off, gives Arthur a little salute and moves

on. Trillian looks to Arthur and musters a smile.

ARTHUR:

I could really use a cup of tea.

88 EXT. SPACE - NIGHT 88

The H.O.G. arches away. The whale in mid-air, stops

rising, starts falling.

GUIDE VOICE:

It is important to note that suddenly, and

against all probability, a sperm whale had

been called into existence several miles

above the surface of an alien planet. And

since this is not a naturally tenable

position for a whale, this innocent

creature had very little time to come to

terms with its identity as a whale before

it then had to come to terms with suddenly

not being a whale any more. This is what

it thought as it fell.

The camera moves around the whale as it falls.

(CONTINUED)

8 78.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

4 CONTINUED:
84

WHALE (V.O.)

Ahhhh!!!! What's happening? Excuse me! Who

am I? Hello? Why am I here? What's my

purpose in life? What do I mean by who am

I? What is this 'I' that I want to know

what it is? Calm down, get a grip now ...

ooh! This is an interesting sensation...

ANGLE:
From below. The whale is wriggling a bit.

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