The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #27

WHALE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Oh! This is an interesting sensation,

what is it? It's a sort of... yawning,

tingling sensation in ... well I suppose I'd

better start finding names for things if I

want to make any headway in what for the

sake of what I shall call an argument I

shall call the world, so let's call it my

stomach! Good. Ooooh! It's getting quite

strong now. And hey,what's this whistling

roaring sound going past what I'm suddenly

going to call my head? Perhaps I can call

that ... wind! Is that a good name? It'll

do. Perhaps I can give it a better name

later when I've found out what it's for!

It must be very important because there

certainly seems to be an awful lot of it.

Hey! What's this thing ... this ... let's call

it a tail - yeah! Tail!

The whale thrashes its tail. Between the camera and the

whale drops the bowl of petunias. It falls from sight.

WHALE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Hey! I can really thrash it about pretty

good, can't I? Wow! Wow! Doesn't seem to

achieve much but I'll probably find out

what it's for later on. How. Have I built

up a coherent picture of things yet?

No. Never mind. Hey, this is really

exciting, so much to find out about, ao

much to look forward to, I'm quite dizzy

with anticipation ... Or is it the wind?

There really is an awful lot of that now,

isn't there?

It's eye tries to look down. Camera pulls back from the

whale, abandoning it ...

WHALE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

And hey! What's this thing coming

suddenly coming towards me very fast, so

big and flat and round it needs a big

wide-sounding name like ... ow ... ound...round

... ground! That's it, ground! I wonder if

it'll be friends with me?

We hear a sickening thud o.s.

(CONTINUED)

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GUIDE VOICE:

Curiously, the only thing that went

through the mind of the bowl of petunias

as it fell was "Oh no, not again."

We hear the petunia vase SHATTERING.

GUIDE VOICE (CONT'D)

Many have speculated that if we knew why

the bowl of petunias had thought that we

would know a lot more about the nature of

the Universe than we do now.

DISSOLVE TO:

89 EXT. HEART OF GOLD. MAGRATHEA SURFACE - DAY 89

The gang stand by A HUGE CRATER (the H.O.G. parked in the

b.g.) -- a large whale carcass sits in the middle of it --

along with a few petunias. They all grimace.

BEYOND THE CRATER -- they see a formation of large rocks,

aligned in a circle. It's the only structure in sight.

They walk toward it.

90 EXT. ROCK FORMATION - DAY 90

Arthur walks behind the others, his head down.

FORD (O.S.)

Hey...this looks familiar.

Arthur looks up, registers surprise.

THE ROCK FORMATION -- looks like Stonehenge - only newer.

The rocks letters carved into them that read "DESIGN

DEPARTMENT" "SHOWROOM" "EXECUTIVE OFFICES" "TOILETS"

FORD (CONT'D}

Must be portal doors.

ARTHUR:

You mean -- the hippies were right?

In the middle of the circle sits a stone receptionist

desk with a sign on it that says "OUT TO LUNCH."

Zaphod heads for the "To Design Department" stone.

Trillian and Ford follow.

Zaphod feels around it, looking for a switch, a knob,

anything. He must've hit something because the front of

the stone suddenly slides open revealing a SWIRLING

VORTEX THAT LOOKS LIKE A JET ENGINE.

ZAPHOD:

Okay. In we go.

(CONTINUED)

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ARTHUR:

What?! Are you out of what's left of your

mind? We can't step into that...that.

FORD:

We gotta pick one, right? If it's not the

right one, we come back and pick another.

No biggie.

ARTHUR:

Yes -- big biggie. What if that's the

last door we ever step through? What if

it rips us into tiny little atomic

particle...thingies.

Trillian, who hasn't said a word since leaving Vogsphere,

covers her ears - trying to block them out

ZAPHOD:

It's the right one. I have a hunch.

ARTHUR:

Ford..?

FORD:

He's got good hunches. I say we go.

ARTHUR:

Go with the hunch of a narcissist with

half a brain who's wearing a ridiculous

thinking cap!? Are you insane?!

ZAPHOD:

Hey, I think I resent that.

ARTHUR:

I don't care what you think you think...

They all start arguing over each other. We focus on

Trillian -- Anger and frustration building, she covers

her ears -- then screams....

TRILLIAN:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

And she takes off running for the door. Suicide? Bravery?

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