The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #29

He puts his hand on a certain spot in the stone and

presses. The stone dissolves revealing once again the

jet engine swirling vortex. Slarti motions -- after you.

Arthur takes a deep breath -- and steps in.

ARTHUR:

Whaa!

He is bent, twisted and sucked away. Slarti follows.

Marvin stands for a moment, then looks up to...

92a THE SKY-- 92a

where the fleet of Vogon ships has now arrived.

MARVIN:

Funny how just when you think life can't

possibly get any worse, it suddenly does.

CUT TO:

9 84.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

3 INT. VOGON DESTROYER SHIP, BRIDGE - NIGHT 93

Kwaltz sits in his chair as they press forward. The

GHOSTLY IMAGE of the recorded message appears.

GHOSTLY IMAGE:

This is a recorded announcement as we're

all out at the moment. The Commercial

council of Magrathea thanks you for...

KWALTZ:

Turn that off.

CUT TO:

94 INT. MAGRATHEA/PLANET SHOWROOM - DAY 94

Arthur is hunched over a litter bin, barfing.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

I told you you might find it a bit

disturbing.

ARTHUR:

I have found this whole day a bit

disturbing.

Arthur realizes he has his towel with him. He wipes his

mouth with it, dabs his brow. Then he notices...

...THE ROOM -- which is like a car dealer's showroom only

instead of cars there are models of various planets.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Did you know we built planets?

No. Arthur didn't know that. He looks perplexed.

SLARTIBARTFAST (CONT'D)

Fascinating trade. Doing the coastlines

was always my favorite. Used to have

endless fun doing all the little fiddly

bits round fjords. But the Galactic

economy collapsed, and seeing that custom-

built planets are something of a luxury

commodity...

(getting back on subject)

At any rate, there's been a terrible mix

up with your planet. You must come with me

or it's all going to blow up in our faces.

The best laid plans of mice, you know...

ARTHUR:

...and men.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Mmmm? What?

ARTHUR:

The best laid plans of mice and men.

(CONTINUED)

9 85.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

4 CONTINUED:
94

SLARTIBARTFAST:

I don't think men have got much to do with

it.

Arthur looks confused. Slarti motions him to a door.

95 Arthur readies his towel at his mouth as Slarti hits a 95

button. The door slides open and nothing happens. It's

just a door that leads to a room where several TRANSPORT

CARTS move past -- like a kids ride at Disneyland. They

step into one. Slarti closes the little door. The cart

MOVES through a curtain, out into DEEP SPACE.

PULL BACK - till the cart is no more than a speck being

pushed forward by the longest telescoping arm in history.

96 INT. - PLANET FACTORY - NIGHT 96

The space is millions of miles across. Floating in it are

half-finished planets, construction gantries around them.

SLARTIBARTFAST (CONT'D)

Welcome to our factory floor.

ON ARTHUR -- who is positively blown away.

CUT TO:

97 INT. TEMPLE OF DEEP THOUGHT -- CONTINUOUS 97

Ford, Zaphod and Trillian enter the dimly lit temple.

They hear a faint, tinny sound. They follow it.

FURTHER DOWN THE CORRIDOR...

The sound gets louder. Tinny music. And laughter...

Flickering light illuminates the end of the corridor.

ZAPHOD:

This is it!

He quickens his pace. Trillian and Ford follow. They

round the corner to find...

DEEP THOUGHT -- sitting there majestically. The TINNY

MUSIC emanates from somewhere near him.

Zaphod takes another step in and now sees the source of

the TINNY MUSIC.

Deep Thought is watching TV. A violent, stupid cartoon.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

Deep Thought...!

DEEP THOUGHT:

Shhh. This is a good bit.

The cartoon continues. Zaphod enters, removes his

thinking cap and reverently approaches. He kneels...

(CONTINUED)

9 86.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

7 CONTINUED:
97

ZAPHOD:

Oh great Deep Thought...we have traveled

long...and far.

Have you calculated... the Ultimate

Question? Of Life, the Universe and

Everything?

DEEP THOUGHT:

No.

ZAPHQD:

No?

DEEP THOUGHT:

I've been watching TV.

ZAPHOD:

Oh...

Zaphod holds a smile but his world is slowly crumbling.

DEEP THOUGHT:

I designed another computer to perform

that great task.

ZAPHOD:

Oh, right...I forgot.

(looking around)

Is it here?

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