The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #30

DEEP THOUGHT:

Not here. Another world.

ZAPHOD:

It's on another world?

DEEP THOUGHT:

It is another world. Or was.

ZAPHOD:

Where?

DEEP THOUGHT:

Ask your companion.

Zaphod turns to Ford. Ford looks confused.

DEEP THOUGHT (CONT'D)

Not him.

Zaphod looks to Trillian. She looks equally confused.

Zaphod puts the thinking cap back on. Strains hard.

ZAPHOD:

0kay -- you're sure you don't have the

Question?

Or a way to you, you know -- access it or

something. I think I've done like a lot

to get here...

(CONTINUED)

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DEEP THOUGHT:

Shhhhhh...

Zaphod looks up. Deep Thought is shushing him?

DEEP THOUGHT (CONT'D)

The show's back on.

A robotic arm reaches out and turns up the volume.

Zaphod stands, turns to Ford and Trillian, smiles that

smile -- but it's starting to look a bit crazed.

ZAPHOD:

Great. This is just great. Let's go find

something else for my entire life to be

about.

He starts to march off. Ford grabs his arm.

FORD:

Zaphod. The gun? The one Humma sent us

for? We have to get it. You gave the guy

your head.

ZAPHOD:

I know. Why did I do that?

He pulls his thinking cap down -- all the way over his

eyes. Ford rolls his eyes, turns...

FORD:

Um...Deep Thought? We we're told you have

a g...

Before he finishes the sentence, a PANEL in the wall

slides open revealing a LARGE, SCARY LOOKING GUN. A

robotic arm pushes it forward.

Ford goes over, takes it, carries it like it's

nitroglycerin to Zaphod who's already walking away,

CORRIDOR LEADING AWAY FROM DEEP THOUGHT

Ford hands Zaphod the gun.

FORD (CONT'D)

Here. Take it. I don't do guns.

Zaphod takes it with a smile...

ZAPHOD:

Thank you.

...and instantly points it at his head. Ford lunges for

it. There's a struggle. Ford's trying to get Zaphod's

finger off the trigger when CLICK! The trigger is

pulled. Ford winces. But apparently, nothing has

happened.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

Great! This is a bust, too!

(CONTINUED)

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FORD:

Hey, man, you must be really frustrated.

To go through all you did only to come

here and get no answer, which means no

fame and money, and you deserve that, man.

Because you're great -- you're just

really, really great.

Zaphod isn't sure what just happened. But he smiles

anyway. Trillian, however, is onto something.

TRILLIAN:

Give me that thing.

BACK TO:

98 INT. MAGRATHEA. PLANET FACTORY. CONSTRUCTION PLATFORM 98

The transport cart moves past two half-finished planets

and on toward a 3rd planet. Construction gantries and

clouds obscure our view.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

The galaxy was a bit of a shambles, you

see. Everyone enjoying themselves being

singers and comedians and really creative

and interesting things like that. No one

doing the boring jobs.

ARTHUR:

Oh, you had that problem, too?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

In spades. So a species was genetically

engineered to do the boring jobs. Tax

inspectors, traffic wardens, government

officials. We were commissioned to build

a special planet for them.

Problem was, some cleverdick made it so

any time one of the creatures had an

interesting idea it would get a hefty

smack around the face.

ARTHUR:

What? You did that? I've been there!

The cart lowers down toward the surface of the planet.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Then I gather you've met some of the

inhabitants.

ARTHUR:

The Vogons?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

(shuddering)

Relentless blighters.

9 89.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

9a EXT. MAGRATHEA - DAY 99a

TWO MISSILES screech overhead and soar up toward...

THE VOGON SHIPS -- descending from space. The missiles

each hit a ship. They explode. Two more missiles fire,

taking out two more ships. But several ships do land.

Marvin watches from within the Stonehenge formation.

99 MARVIN 99

Life. Loathe it or ignore it, you can't

like it.

BACK TO:

100 INT. CORRIDOR/TEMPLE OF DEEP THOUGHT - DAY 100

CLOSE ON ZAPHOD:

ZAPHOD:

...and you're right, I shouldn't be so

upset 'cause life goes on and I should

just go on with it, right?

PULL BACK TO REVEAL -- Ford is hesitantly aiming the gun

at Zaphod.

TRILLIAN:

Shoot him again.

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