The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #31

Ford reluctantly pulls the trigger. CLICK.

ZAPHOD:

Hitchhiking is good. Towels are good,

too.

TRILLIAN:

Brilliant.

FORD:

Yeah. I kinda like this.

She take the gun from him.

TRILLIAN:

A gun that makes people suddenly see

things from your point of view. Useful

tool for the deranged evangelist trying to

convert the masses, eh?

She starts walking.

TRILLIAN (CONT'D)

We should get back. Arthur's waiting.

ZAPHOD:

Who cares?

TRILLIAN:

(spinning on him; pointed)

I do -- especially since we're both

somewhat of an endangered species now.

(CONTINUED)

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00 CONTINUED:
100

ZAPHOD:

Why so edgy?

She can't believe he's asking this. She aims the gun,

CLICK!

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

Of course you're edgy, your planet's been

blown up and you've been tooling around

the Galaxy with the guy who signed the

order

CLICK. She shoots him again.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

You actually wanted to know the Question

because you always thought there was more

to life, and now you're crushed because

you find out there really isn't.

She's getting angrier and more hurt. CLICK.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

You've got no home, no family, no one to

be with -- and you're stuck with me,

another in a long line of men who doesn't

appreciate you because he's too busy

appreciating himself.

Hearing this puts a lump in her throat, causes her eyes

to well with tears. She lowers the gun.

Zaphod shakes his head -- the effect wearing off. But he

realizes what he said and doesn't like it.

ZAPHOD (CONT'D)

Give me that thing.

He grabs the gun, points it at her.

TRILLIAN:

Won't affect me. I'm already a woman.

Before he can react, A BRIGHT LIGHT SHINES BEHIND THEM.

They turn, shielding their eyes.

ZAPHOD:

Uh oh -- oh. It's okay, it's only a

couple of...

FLASH! KEEEOOOW! They are engulfed in WHITE LIGHT.

BACK TO:

101 EXT. DEEP SPACE (FACTORY FLOOR) - CONTINUOUS 101

The transport cart continues toward the 3rd planet.

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Here we are, then. Look familiar?

Arthur turns and looks. There before him is...

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O1a EARTH -- Arthur is thunderstruck...then confused. 101a

ARTHUR:

So -- it wasn't destroyed?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Actually, it was. This is a back-up.

Earth Mark II.

ARTHUR:

So you're saying you ... made the Earth?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Well, not me alone. It was a group

effort. I did my part, though. Ever heard

of a place, I think it's called Norway?

101b Arthur nods. The cart pushes through the clouds, towards 101b

Ayers Rock. A GUY ON A LADDER is painting it it's

familiar red color. Some of it is still primer grey.

SLARTIBARTFAST (CONT'D)

That was one of mine. Won an award you

know. Lovely crinkly edges. I was sorry

to hear about it being blown up. Shocking

cock up. The mice were furious.

ARTHUR:

Mice? Who cares about bloody mice?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

Are you a fan of plate tectonics?

Arthur looks up. Slartibartfast points down.

101c ANOTHER MAN pushes a button causing mountains to spring 101c

up noisily.

SLARTIBARTFAST (CONT'D)

Voila! Himalayas. Good, eh?

Arthur is working very hard to process all this.

101d JUMP CUT. They move through a forest where a man presses 101d

a lever making several MUSHROOMS pop up on the ground.

SLARTIBARTFAST (CONT'D)

Earthman, you must realize that the planet

you lived on was commissioned, paid for,

and run by mice. It was destroyed shortly

before the completion of the purpose for

which it was built. Ten minutes later, we

would have been free and clear. But we

gave them our standard ten million year

warranty and they have come here to

retrieve this back-up copy. And they've

brought you with them.

The transport cart flies out of forest toward the ocean.

(CONTINUED)

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01d CONTINUED:
101d

ARTHUR:

They brought...I'm sorry, when you say

"mice" do you mean the little white furry

creatures with the cheese fixation?

SLARTIBARTFAST:

These creatures you call "mice" are merely

the protrusion into our dimension of hyper-

intelligent pan-dimensional beings. The

whole business with the cheese must've

been a front. They were experimenting on

you, you see. A vast computer program...

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