The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Page #4

FORD:

Not really.

He gives everyone in the bar a friendly salute, exits.

BARMAN:

Last orders, then?

11 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE PUB - MID-DAY 11

Arthur runs up the road towards his house which is being

bulldozed. Ford strides casually behind in the distance.

ARTHUR:

STOP! STOP, YOU BASTARDS!!

Arthur suddenly stops running and covers his ears as we

hear THE LOUDEST RUMBLE IN MOTION PICTURE HISTORY.

11a A GIGANTIC YELLOW SPACESHIP (picture a concrete tower 11a

block)) sweeps overhead. Ford hits the deck. Arthur is

blown sideways. Trees are uprooted.

Ford rises and hurries to the rubble that was Arthur's

house. He digs around near the exposed toilet and comes

up with -- A TOWEL. He hurries to Arthur's side.

(CONTINUED)

1 12.

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1a CONTINUED:
11a

Another ship screams over, blowing them down again. Rain

is knocked out of the clouds and lands in one big THWUMP!

Everywhere is soaked.

ARTHUR (CONT'D}

WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS?!

FORD:

Ships from a Vogon Constructor Fleet. I

picked up their signal this morning.

He shows Arthur his blinking Sens-0-Matic device.

FORD {CONT'D}

Here. You'll need this.

He tosses Arthur the towel. Then, he removes a short

black rod, his ELECTRONIC THUMB. He sticks it out.

12 INT. SATELLITE TRACKING STATION 12

Picture mission control in Houston. WORKERS scramble.

Monitors line the wall showing hundreds of news reports

from around the globe; panic, chaos and pandemonium.

Suddenly, there's a loud HUM through the speakers,

followed by loud GARGLES and SCREECHING. Then...

JELTZ {THROUGH SPEAKERS)

People of Earth, this is Prostetnic Vogon

Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace planning

council.

13 INT. A SUBURBAN BREAKFAST ROOM. CONTINUOUS 13

A FAMILY at breakfast, baffled that their cutlery, bowls

and glasses resonate with the sound of Jeltz's voice.

JELTZ (VOICE ONLY)

As you are probably aware, plans for the

development of the outlying regions of the

galaxy involve the building of a

hyperspace express route through your star

system...

14 EXT. OXFORD STREET ELECTRONICS STORE - CONTINUOUS 14

Several PATRONS watch the wall of TV's, all projecting a

snowy, distorted image. Jeltz's voice blares through the

speakers.

JELTZ:

...and, unfortunately, your planet is one

of those scheduled for demolition. The

process will take slightly less than two

of your Earth minutes. Thank you.

Through the window behind them, throngs of people

stampede down Oxford Street, screaming.

1 13.

HHGG 3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03

5 EXT. SATELLITE TRACKING STATION 15

A TECHNICIAN speaks urgently into a microphone while his

co-workers watch the chaos on the monitors behind.

TECHNICIAN:

Hello! Can you hear us? Please respond!

16 INT. VOGON CONSTRUCTOR SHIP BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS 16

The VOGON BRIDGE is like a waterlogged old Skoda.

JELTZ (INTO THE P.A.)

There's no point in acting all surprised

about it. The plans and demolition orders

have been on display at your local planning

office in Alpha Centauri for fifty of your

Earth years, so you've had plenty of time

to lodge formal complaints.

17 EXT. FIELD BY ARTHUR'S HOUSE. CONTINUOUS 17

Ford grabs hold of Arthur's shirt, extends the Thumb.

18 INT. THE PUB. CONTINUOUS 18

PULL BACK FROM JUKE BOX. The pub seems deserted.

VOGON CAPTAIN:

(through juke box)

What do you mean you've never been to

Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven's sake

mankind, it's only four light years away

you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be

bothered to take an interest in local

affairs that's your own lookout.

PULL BACK FARTHER - people lay on the ground with PAPER

BAGS on their heads.

19 INT. VOGON CONSTRUCTOR SHIP BRIDGE. -- CONTINUOUS 19

Jeltz turns. He's large, green and walrusy.

JELTZ:

Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy

at all. Energize the demolition beams.

One of his walrusy FIRST OFFICERS pushes a yellow button.

20 BIG SHOT. FROM SPACE. LOOKING DOWN ON EARTH 20

As all the Vogon ships simultaneously send down a beam of

yellow light. Glowing fireballs travel down the beams

toward Earth. On impact, they bore into the surface.

JELTZ (O.S.)

Detonate.

(CONTINUED)

2 14.

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0 CONTINUED:
20

Like a giant casino going down in Vegas, there are a few

small explosions AMD THE EARTH IMPLODES. Just collapses

in on itself. Gone.

The Vogon ships slowly retreat in formation, leaving

nothing but DARKNESS AND STARS.

21 Then a distant RED GLOW appears. As it gets nearer we 21

see that it says..."THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY."

GUIDE VOICE:

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a

wholly remarkable book...

The title draws nearer. We see that it sits on an

electronic book with lots of buttons.

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