The Hitman's Bodyguard Page #4

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I'll speak to casoria,

get her to allow you to come

to the hague with us.

But no more secrets.

Thank you, sir.

Search for car, plate fj56mhv.

They'll have identified the car

with the traffic cams by now.

And you. Welcome to fugitive life.

Until I turn you in.

Just need to find a different vehicle,

older model, no alarm. Right here.

Luckily, I came prepared.

You know, if you're gonna be a while,

I can just go in there and get a room.

There's an art to low-impact,

high-efficiency

breaking and entering, but...

Art's subjective.

And you're bleeding again.

You know, for a dude

that runs around killing people,

you've got this really strange

thing about bleeding.

It's inefficient.

And I don't kill people, I protect them.

Hector Ramirez.

Hector Ramirez was an assassin.

Yeah, I know. I trained him.

Who was holding a knife

to my client's throat.

And you killed him.

No. I saved my client.

I think Hector might have

a different perspective on that.

Oh, is that so? Well, here's the thing.

I was a triple-a rated

executive protection agent.

- You just made up that triple-a sh*t.

- No, I did not!

And if guys like you...

if sociopaths like you

weren't running around trying to kill

my clients, then no one would get hurt.

Triple-a, yeah. It sounds like you ought

to be selling life insurance

or fixing my f***ing transmission,

or something.

Well,

you're uninsurable, trust me.

And you said "was."

- "I was a triple-a, x-rated d*ckhead!"

- No, I said "am." Get in the f***ing car!

Get in the f***ing car!

Jesus f***ing Christ.

You definitely said "was."

"Was" as in,

"I used to be a triple-x

d*ckhead driving a jag,

but now I'm rolling around

in this sh*t-wagon."

Put your seatbelt on.

What happened? Lose your edge?

Drop focus? You slip up

and let a client get popped?

Never slipped up.

Well, how did "am" become "was"?

I don't actually know. I mean,

how does a so-called expert assassin

get busted by interpol?

Love, baby. Straight-up love.

See, I'm doing

this job in Geneva, right?

Some dude washing the

wrong dude 's money.

I get a call.

What?

My wife's been in a car accident,

- bad one.

- W hat?

So, Geneva dude gets a pass,

I jet back to Mexico City,

go straight to the hospital.

Bopped up in Sonia's room,

two dozen agents waiting for me.

Played by the heart.

Happens to the best of us, man.

I mean, sort of like how

agent roussel took you from here

to here... to here.

Assassin and eavesdropper.

You're a real double threat.

Well, you were whining like a b*tch

so loud, I heard you through the wall.

Agent roussel and I

aren't any of your concern.

So, she dumped you because

of all your tight-assed,

"boring is good, look before you leap,

"put your seatbelt on" sh*t?

She didn't dump me.

Oh, motherf***er, I know she dumped you.

I'm just perusing all the reasons why,

and there's a plethora

of those motherfuckers.

- Plethora?

- Yeah. It means a lot.

I know what plethora means!

It just doesn't apply here!

And not jumping off the top of a roof,

that's logical, that's safe.

You know, wearing a seatbelt:

Logical, safe.

Let me ask you something,

how many times have you been shot?

- Counting today?

- Yeah.

- Too many to count. You?

- Yeah, I bet.

Zero.

Now, we both know that's bullshit.

That's not bullshit, okay?

This was a little flesh wound.

You just kind of zinged it right there.

Didn't even require a band-aid.

You got lucky.

Yeah, the rock shifted

just as I took the shot.

- You lucky motherf***er.

- F***!

F***!

F***ing Prague.

Yeah, Prague.

You never even took one for a client?

Nope. Never had to.

Yeah, but the question is, would you?

See, if I'm paying triple-a rates,

then I'm looking

for that full-service sh*t,

you know what I'm saying?

That extra "a" stands for "ass,"

yours, between mine and a bullet.

Being prepared for everything

means that that situation statistically

just won't occur.

Bryce, you cannot be

prepared for everything!

Life is gonna bloody us up, okay?

You just gotta put a band-aid

on that sh*t and keep rolling!

That's really beautiful, man.

Do you ever just write stuff down?

I don't know, throw down a haiku or two?

- $ I saw the sign I

-. nobody x

- $ it opened up my eyes I saw the sign a'

-. nobody, nobody, nobody r

- $ life is demanding I

-. nobody gets out alive a'

how'd you like that, motherf***er?

Do you have any idea how stupid you sound?

I mean, what a f***-up!

You lost my husband, and you're like,

"can you please help us find him?"

Why the f*** should I?

That is your f***ing job, motherf***er!

But, obviously, you suck at it.

You received

a phone call today from your attorney.

Sq?

Well, we asked your attorney,

but... he said he didn't have

any contact with you.

What? Are you f***ing kidding me?

Okay, that's it!

I've had it with this lawyer!

He's an alcoholic.

He calls me completely drunk,

and he starts saying

the most inappropriate things.

Like, for example,

what he likes to do to his wife's ass.

That is a disgusting place

to hide a child's toy!

And you know what?

I don't need to listen to this sh*t!

Then he forgets about it,

but I'm stuck with the images in my head!

Mrs. Kincaid,

if you know where your husband is,

you need to tell us.

It's for his own safety.

I'm sorr... you're worried

about my husband's safety?

No one in this world

can kill Darius Kincaid.

The man is a cucaracha,

and I mean that

in every sense of the word.

Sometimes you just want to crush

his little, filthy head with your shoe,

but he won't die.

That motherf***er is unkillable,

so you can relax.

But wait, no.

There is one important thing

that you should know.

Motherfuckers, get out of my f***ing cell.

Great.

Now!

And I want that lawyer fired!

I want that lawyer fired!

I want a good one, professional lawyer!

I have rights! Human rights!

Okay, you can take a five-minute break.

Good evening.

Can I help you?

We need to see your cameras.

Sorry, sir, that's for management only.

L 90'! You!

Where we at?

I backtracked west.

West is the wrong direction.

Thank you. Thank you.

They'd be expecting us

to take a direct route.

The f*** is that you're eating?

Postpones fatigue.

Refuels glycogen and electrolytes.

I got you one, too,

while you were taking

one of your world-class naps.

I'd stay awake if you let me drive.

Thank you. That's really generous of... no!

I gotta piss.

Use that.

Timeline's not built for another break.

Your dick might fit

in here, but mine...

Plus, I need every drop of this sh*t

to tolerate this ride with you.

Just pull the f***ing car over.

Jesus Christ.

It'd be a lot easier without these cuffs,

or this f***ing underwear.

Kincaid!

Hey, a**hole!

Ugh! F***ing god damn it, that's not mud!

You think I'm a f***ing idiot?

Well...

You did think that cheap whiskey was piss.

F***!

Where the hell did that come from?

This is what happens

when you mess with a perfectly laid plan.

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