The Hitman's Bodyguard Page #5

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- Give me a gun. Give me a goddamn gun!

- I got this! I got this!

There's more than one.

A- ha! Perfect deduction, Sherlock.

Draw their fire so I can take a look.

All right. Go!

Ow!

- Sh*t!

- Okay.

Three shooters in a row, all lit up.

So, what do you want to do?

While you can't come up with a plan,

they're gonna kill us.

So here's the plan.

- What the f***?

- You take eleven o'clock, I'll take one.

Let's see who gets to twelve first.

Okay. On three. You ready?

One...

I said on three. You shot early.

Yeah, before they did.

Let me break it down...

so much for your intricately

calculated travel plans.

That's why I was trying

to bounce on your ass.

See, I'm safer on my own.

There's no way that they could've known

- where we were.

- Well, they did, and now they're dead.

This yours? Ls this your cell phone?

I might've taken that off some dead merc.

You might've...

You know, they can track a cell phone.

That's why I use a ghost chip in mine,

so they can't track the phone.

I mean, that's how they know

where we were!

Here I am, I'm plotting courses

all over the country,

and you're carrying a location beacon

in your pocket!

My bad.

Your bad?

You don't even understand how

21st century technology works! I mean,

how have you stayed alive this long?

While all you guys are wasting your time

planning and aiming and deducing,

I just do my thing,

and my thing has always been better

than your f***ing thing.

Great. There you go.

That's just great.

I'm glad that your thing has

always been better than mine.

You're not gonna take this gun?

No, you keep that gun.

Use it to shoot me.

No, no, no, I was gonna

shoot you with this...

sh*t!

There go the guns.

Well, look on the bright side.

We get the bad guys' Van.

This field smells like your car.

Dude, I said I was sorry about the phone.

Who knows, maybe

your plan would've worked.

- So, what about your other plan?

- There's no plan!

The plan is we're in a cow pasture,

that's the plan.

I'm talking about your agent roussel plan.

That's why you're doing this, right?

Get her back?

You think becoming

a triple-a card-carrying d*ckhead

is gonna give you an all-access

backstage pass to agent roussel's ass,

- and she'll fall in love.

- I get it.

- You're gonna be the guy...

- And your life will have meaning again.

that the other inmates come to

for advice. They're very lucky.

Motherf***er, please.

I've eaten hamburgers

that know more about women than you.

- You, my friend, are a romantic retard.

- Hey!

Just 'cause I want to get my business

back in order, that doesn't make me

a shitty person.

And Amelia has nothing,

absolutely nothing, to do with this.

Oh man. You are so in love, it is crazy.

Christ, do you ever shut up?

Why is everything always

about love with you?

Well, what else is there?

I mean, take away the guns, the money,

the travel, the perfect shot

through a motherf***er's

earhole from 300 meters.

I mean, none of that sh*t means dick

if I can't tell Sonia about it.

Well, I guess Amelia's

just not as special as Sonia.

She sounds great.

- What, she cheat on you?

- No.

- Try to kill you?

- No.

'Cause Sonia chopped off part of my ear

with a machete one time.

She sewed it back on, but...

It was two, three days before

our sh*t got real again.

Where'd you guys meet, christianmingle?

No. A bar in Honduras.

One of those places

where nobody knows your face and name.

I'd just come off a job.

Some dude kidnapped

the wrong dude's daughter.

I was sitting there chilling,

when I noticed this waitress

getting hassled by these guys.

I got up to help her, when she unleashed

the most amazing display

of violence and beauty

I had ever seen.

When she severed that dude's

carotid artery with a beer bottle,

I knew.

I knew right then.

We slow danced all night.

She sounds like she's gonna

make a good mother someday.

Lights.

Need a ride?

Yeah. We're trying to catch

a ferry to Amsterdam.

- Yeah, I can get you there.

- Yeah?

Jump in.

Hey, hey, hey, there's eyes

all over Amsterdam for me.

That's where Sonia's locked up.

It's a quick in and out.

I got a place there.

- You got a place in Amsterdam?

- Yeah.

Is that where you keep the jag?

You know what?

Why don't you go f*** yourself

and the horse you... hello.

Hello, beautiful sisters.

Whose lap will I sit on'?

One more!

Your stop, boys!

You take care, sisters.

Bye, Kincaid!

Go with god!

This man's killed over 150 people.

Two-fifty, easy.

Yeah, but they love you.

Me, they want to perform an exorcism on.

Question for a higher power.

Who is more wicked,

he who kills evil motherfuckers

or he who protects them?

You really believe you're the good guy?

My first contract... I was...

I don't know, 16, 17.

There was a guy who broke into a church.

The preacher was still there,

so he told the guy,

"look, you don't have to steal anything.

Take whatever you want."

Dude wasn't there for the loot.

He wanted to hurt somebody.

Slaughters the preacher,

displays his body on the altar

for his congregation to see.

The Bible says never to take revenge,

to leave it to the lord.

But I wasn't prepared to wait that long.

So, when your moral compass

gets around to pointing at me,

yeah, you'll be pointing

at one of the good guys.

And how does one

of the good guys get connected

with a piece of sh*t like dukhovich?

I didn't know everything

the dude was into.

That's an easy excuse.

Look, you know everything

about every client you ever had?

Nope. I don't decide

whether my clients live or die.

[Michael son of a b*tch.

Coitig oh, come on, come oh, come on.

When's the last time you paid rent

on this safe house?

I haven't done a lot

of Amsterdam jobs lately.

I just need to get my gear.

The problem is that...

All the windows are polycarb.

They have... extra layers of laminate,

and obviously there's

a hetzger alarm system,

which is the premiere unit on the market.

It's got three fail-safes.

But if I can just...

What the...

- Jesus Christ!

- Nope. Darius Kincaid.

But there are no words. I am amazing.

That's so cute!

You look so happy here.

So, is agent roussel

the only photograph-worthy

girl in your life?

Been busy working.

Whoa!

You must give me your designer's number.

We got four hours to court,

let's get cleaned up.

I need to change my bandage

and take a shower.

The hot water still work in this b*tch?

Upstairs.

- Elevator?

- No!

F***!

Counsel, approach the bench.

How can you allow Kincaid's testimony?

A hired killer given a sweetheart deal.

A man like that will say

anything to save himself.

Kincaid has no sweetheart deal.

His wife will go free, not him.

The testimony will be allowed,

assuming you produce

your witness by 5:00 P. M.

- Michael, you should've been here by now.

- Yeah. Just a couple of bumps.

We're on our way.

The judge isn't giving us any wiggle room.

You have less than four hours now!

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