The Hitman's Bodyguard Page #7

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Life doesn't usually give you sh*t,

and then turn into a beverage.

That's not... at least

where I'm from, that's not how it works.

Look, motherf***er,

you don't have to explain

- every goddamn thing that goes on in life!

- If it gives you lemons...

Okay? You don't need a reason

for that sh*t.

you would make lemonade.

Just shut the f*** up!

It just doesn't work that way.

Breaking news from the hague

suggests that if a credible witness

cannot be produced

within the next hour,

the former president of Belarus,

Vladislav dukhovich,

will walk free and resume power.

This would be a spectacular embarrassment

for the international community

and a crushing blow

for the many relatives...

They're out there,

waiting for us to make the first move.

I know I would be.

I should've told Amelia.

Told her what?

That I'm a stupid man.

Hey... what if I told you

I couldn't protect you?

I'd say you're right.

We'll just go to Amsterdam,

I'll help you get Sonia out,

and you give her those flowers in person.

No f***ing way.

I gotta help you get back

that triple-a sh*t I f***ed up.

Guilt's killing me.

Dukhovich, that motherf***er's gotta go.

Well, it's not gonna happen

unless we get there.

Sh*t, I'd bet on them.

Normally I would, too.

I got a hot tip.

There's a couple of ringers in the game.

We got our choice of wheels.

That's a good-looking jag.

Yeah. I guarantee

you if that smells like ass,

it's supermodel ass.

- Really?

- Oh yeah.

She blends right in.

- Whoa!

- F***!

That's responsive!

Jesus. No! I have... I have a pen knife.

It's just that the gearshift's

on the right-hand side here,

and I'm not used to that.

It's practically impossible...

Get out of the f***ing car.

A three-day adjustment period

to figure this out.

- I will bust a cap in your ass,

- the clutch...

if you don't give up that wheel.

Have you ever said please

- or thank you...

- Please, motherf***er!

Why are we always yelling?

- Get out of the f***ing car!

- Fine!

Time's just about up.

No sign. They vanished in Amsterdam.

Dukhovich is free.

Michael would never let that happen.

It appears you're wrong

about your Michael Bryce.

Hello?

Hey.

Michael, where are you?

We're a couple minutes out.

Look.

I wanna tell you that I'm sorry.

I wanna say that I'm sorry

for, um, for everything.

For kurosawa, us, it's all my fault.

You know, I act like a...

I act like a f***ing child around you.

I can't admit that it's my fault,

and I project that onto you,

and, you know, that's not fair.

You deserve better than that.

Why are you telling me this now?

Well, under the circumstances,

it seemed like a good time.

We got company.

Huh?

Let's go!

Amelia.

Amelia.

Just want to say that...

L "love".You.

Jesus Christ! Really?

What happened to the seatbelt rule?

F***!

- Look...

- move your f***ing car!

Hurry! Over here!

Michael?

- Michael?

- W ho this?

Hello?

Agent roussel, hold on,

let me put you on speaker.

What happened to Michael?

He had to bounce.

- Excuse me. Sorry.

- Hey!

You know, he really cares about you.

He has a hard time

processing emotions and sh*t.

But one thing his f***ed-up

brain has figured out,

is he really loves you.

Are you in the middle of something?

Well, actually, yeah, I am.

Look, we'll call you back.

Follow me, hurry! Pass me the magazine.

Watch out!

Okay, gentlemen...

F***!

If you wouldn't mind...

The gun.

Yes.

Thank you.

Yo! You about done?

Tick took, motherf***er!

He's f***ing unkillable.

F***.

With just

five minutes remaining

before the court's deadline,

the case against Vladislav dukhovich

is almost certainly doomed.

Suspicious vehicle

is approaching, commander.

Stop the car!

What's going on here?

Is this what we've been waiting for?

Sh*t.

I got your witness, Darius Kincaid.

Follow me.

Obviously, your honor,

this has devolved into a complete waste

of my client's time.

The prosecution has no witness to present.

Can you empty

your pockets, please, sir.

Are you kidding me? Come on!

As we seem to be reaching our deadline,

I have no choice but to declare

that this trial has come to its natural...

Your honor, I present Darius Kincaid.

The deadline has passed!

I believe we still had

a few seconds on the clock.

How do I look?

You got a little speck of blood on your...

Everywhere.

Will the prosecution

please prepare their witness.

- Hi.

- My god, are you okay?

Yeah. There's your guy.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

By the way, bumping into you

is the best thing

that ever happened to me.

Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

Yeah.

Your name is Darius Kincaid?

No. My real name is Darius Evans.

My parents separated when I was six.

My mother remarried

a real mean piece of work

named Roger Kincaid.

She figured if I took his name,

he'd keep his belt on more often.

Plan didn't work so well,

but the name stuck.

My real father's name

is Maurice Evans, preacher.

He was killed a few years later

in his own church.

I'm sorry, I didn't...

That's all right.

Can't research everything.

Mr. Kincaid, were you ever

in the employ of Vladislav dukhovich?

No.

Have you ever met dukhovich?

Yes. April 17, 2012,

he invited me to his palace.

Prosecution exhibit

17-d, palace security logs.

Did he offer you employment then?

Yes, he did.

He wanted me to take out

a political rival exiled in the uk.

- I refused.

- Why?

Because while I was

there, he ordered his men

to slaughter a village outside polotsk.

I'm not down with killing innocent people.

And do you have evidence

to corroborate this?

Yeah.

Go to ftp site raven 257.

Just load it up.

Exhibit 18-d.

We've confirmed the coordinates.

It's asking for a password.

Sorry. Password...

"Dukhovich is a dick," all caps,

except "dick" is lower case.

I wasn't gonna trust

interpol with this sh*t.

Order!

Order!

Order in the court!

Your honors,

I could save us all some time.

May I address the court?

For months, I have been

sitting in this chair,

nodding along to this ludicrous charade.

Excuse me.

My excellent attorney

was hoping

for the legitimacy of a formal acquittal,

but that is no longer possible.

Thank you, Darius.

So, let us now end the charade.

The charges against me

are entirely correct.

I am the rightful ruler of Belarus!

- Sit down! Order!

- As the ruler of my nation,

I will do as I wish without exception,

without apology.

- Sit down! Order!

- I recognize no authority

- that limits my power!

- Mr. dukhovich, I order you...

Assistant director.

Go do your job, Amelia!

In this trial...

The world community

is attempting to make a statement!

Well, now I would like to make

a statement of my own!

Show me your phone.

I recognize no authority

that limits my powers!

Everybody go!

I will now take my leave

with my dignity intact!

Now, that's what

I call triple-a service.

F***!

F***! Medic! Medic!

I need a medic over here!

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