The Last Flight of Noah's Ark

(knocking)

(knocking continues)

(knocking)

(door rattles)

- Hey!

- All right, Mr. Benchley.

Thank you, Coslough.

- Noah Dugan?

- Yeah, what do you guys want?

Well, you owe a lot of money, Mr. Dugan,

and Mr. Parker wants it. Now.

You've got a hell of a nerve

barging in here like this.

Where have you guys been, anyway?

Parker owes me.

That red-hot parlay l've been driving

paid off in the ninth last night

when Attaboy Star got his nose

under the wire in front.

50,000 smackers. Fat city!

Fat nothing, Mr. Dugan.

Attaboy Star was disqualified in that race.

Set back to third.

Apparently he interfered in the stretch.

You got 24 hours to come up with 5,000.

Mr. Parker's willing to wait a week

for the rest.

Coslough.

- That's just a reminder, Mr. Dugan.

- (Dugan groans)

Mr. Dugan, 24 hours.

How many jobs did you have

in the last two years?

- Six.

- And on the last one?

- Well, there was a little turbulence.

- l'm sorry.

The word's out. Wherever you go,

there goes trouble. And l can't afford that.

Come on, Slabotsky, l broke both arms

flying stunts for you. l need a job.

l would if l could.

Hey, why don't you try Tallmantz?

They're supplying all the pilots

for a war movie over at 20th.

You can fly those crates

standing on your head.

Yeah, l saw 'em.

The picture's been cancelled.

War movies are out. Rocket ships are in.

l don't qualify.

All the pilots are made out of tin.

But l got that flight gassed up, ready to go.

Not with me. No. Uh-uh.

You couldn't pay me triple to take it up.

Dugan!

Oh, what a surprise.

Here l was just thinking about you

and you pop up out of nowhere.

Stow it, Stoney.

l need a job or l wouldn't be here.

l thought you'd never ask.

Come, l'll show you.

This is your lucky day.

This is the easiest money you ever made.

A straight hop to that Pacific island.

The flight plans have been cleared.

One passenger, a bit of cargo.

You drop them there. Refuel.

- What kind of plane is it?

- Back via Hawaii. Pick up another cargo.

While you're there, take yourself a few

days' vacation. Have yourself a time.

What kind of a plane is it?

The word is out, Dugan.

You're in big trouble.

You've been playing the horses

and without very much success.

Open the door.

No job, no family, no friends

with enough dinero to bail you out.

With one exception.

Your old buddy, Stoney.

Open the door. Will you open the door?

l know. l know you're a proud man, Dugan.

A man who hates to hang his head

like a whipped dog.

Therefore, l don't want you to feel that

you have to be excessively grateful to me

for giving you this rare opportunity.

- Open the door!

- You got it.

(animal noises. children's voices)

(woman) Children!

Close the door, Stoney.

- Did l just see what l think l saw?

- What do you think you saw?

Kids and animals and a moldy B-29.

The kids aren't going. They're here

to wave goodbye to the animals.

They were all brought up

at the orphanage.

- No, Stoney.

- No?

Animals and planes do not mix. You never

know what they'll do when you're in the air.

lt's a hazard. lt's dangerous.

And it ain't worth it.

- Wait! Those are religious animals.

- What?

They were brought up at the orphanage.

The lady in charge is a missionary.

She said prayers over them.

Oh...

There she is now.

Come here, my dear.

Come, my dear, my angel.

l'd like you to say hello to your pilot,

Captain Noah Dugan.

Hello, Captain Dugan.

May l present Miss Bernadette Lafleur?

- And Miss...?

- Charlotte Braithwaite.

Charlotte Braithwaite. Who isn't going.

l'm so happy to meet you, Captain.

l've been looking forward to this day

for such a long time.

l've been telling the Captain about

the wonderful work you've been doing

with those wonderful natives

on that wonderful island.

- What was the name of the island?

- Makuarana.

Makuarana.

But l haven't done anything yet.

This is my first mission.

- How soon can we leave, Captain?

- With me? Never.

l don't understand.

l'm not flying you and the Bronx Zoo

anywhere.

- But l've already paid.

- Well, get your money back. Fast.

lt's gone.

Well, you know, expense and...

Mr. Stoney, l hope

this doesn't mean you've cheated me.

Because if that's the case,

there will be retribution.

l'm a missionary but l am not a pushover.

l'll go to the police.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, please.

Dugan...

- Dugan, l could go to jail.

- Maybe they'll give you your old cell back.

What are you trying to do to me? Please,

l'll make it worth your while. l swear it.

- How much?

- Two Gs upon your return.

- l need 5,000 now.

- 5,000? l haven't got it, l swear.

OK, l want a certified check for $3,000

waiting for me in Honolulu

on my way back.

Or l don't ship your return cargo.

3,000? You got it. lt's a deal.

OK, let me see the plane.

- (child) Brutus is very nice.

- Gangway, kids. Gangway.

Watch it, kid. Those things are dangerous.

Brutus isn't dangerous. He's a friend.

Does he know that?

Lady, you are past your prime.

- What?

- Huh?

Dugan, how about it?

- (child) Petey, come back.

- Stoney, l never saw anything...

- Petey, come back here.

- Bobby and Julie, what are you doing?

Petey went into this tunnel

and he'll hurt himself.

- Oh, her duck.

- (quacking)

lt's started already

and we're not even in the air.

Excuse me, lady. Come here, duck.

Here, duck, duck.

- Don't worry, children.

- Here, duck, duck.

- Be careful, Mr. Dugan.

- Don't worry, l know what l'm doing.

You stupid duck. Come here. Yes.

Come here. Come here, ducky.

Come here. l got you.

l got you, you spatulated pigeon.

Try that again

and it'll be candied yams and apple sauce.

- Oh!

- (bangs head)

Coslough.

You don't suppose our friend Dugan

is trying to give us the slip here, do you?

Uh...

Yeah, that's what l thought.

Let's get over there.

Stoney, do yourself a favor

and set a fire to this bucket of bolts

and collect the insurance.

And while you're at it,

get yourself another pilot.

Mr. Stoney, if he goes, l go to the police.

Dugan, you can't walk out now.

That woman has the Lord's work to do.

She needs you.

You're right, Stoney, l'll do it,

but we gotta leave now.

Now?

See that car? Two guys in there want to

talk to me and l do not want to talk to them.

l don't care what you do.

l'll fly your plane, just get rid of them.

OK, let's get the rest

of the animals loaded.

- But, Mr. Dugan...

- Move it, lady. We'll talk later.

Dugan?

Oh... Yeah. l...

l... l think he's in my office.

Follow me.

This way.

All right, Mr. Dugan, will you take Agnes?

- All right. She won't hurt you.

- (pig squeals)

OK.

Yeah, he must've stepped out for a minute.

But he should be back shortly.

Oh, come in, come in,

let's sit down and wait for him here.

Yes, make yourselves comfortable,

gentlemen. Sit down. Sit down.

Come on, you mule-headed,

slab-sided tub of meat.

Get up here before l leave you behind.

- Hollering won't do any good.

- Yeah, who says?

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