The Making of 'The Big Lebowski' Page #3

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Just take it easy, man.

I'm perfectly calm, Dude.

Yeah, wavingthe f***ing gun around?

Calmer than you are.

Will youjust take it easy?

Calmer than you are.

Dude, this is Smokey.

Look, I don't want tobe a hard-on about this,

and I know itwasn't your fault,

but I just thoughtit was fair to tell you

that Gilbert and I will besubmitting this to the league

and asking them toset aside the round,

I don't know,maybe forfeit it to us.

So, like I say, just thought,you know, fair warning.

Tell Walter. I'm sorry.

Mr. Lebowski, thisis Brandt at,

well, atMr. Lebowski's office.

Please call us assoon as it's convenient.

Mr. Lebowski,this is Bill Selliger

of the Southern CalBowling League,

and I just gotan informal report

that a member of your team,a Walter Sobchak,

drew a firearmduring league play.

If this is true,of course,

it contravenes a numberof the league's bylaws

and also article 27of the league

Dude, I..finally got..I got the,

the venue I wanted.

I'm performingmy dance quintet,

you know, my cycle,

at Crane Jackson'sfountain street theater

on Tuesday night,

and, well, Idlove it if you came

and gave me notes.

I'll be there, man.

tomorrow'salready the 10th.

Far out.

Oh. all right, ok.

Just, just slipthe rent under my door.

...serious infraction

and examine your standing.Thank you.

Mr. Lebowski,Brandt again.

Please do call us assoon as you get in,

and I'llsend a limo.

I hope you're notavoiding this call

because of the rug..

Which, I assure you,is not a problem.

We need your help,and ...

Well, we'd very muchlike to see you.

Thank you.it's Brandt.

We've had someterrible news.

Mr. Lebowski's in seclusionin the west wing.

Funny...

I can look backon a life of achievement,

challenges met,

competitors bested,

obstacles overcome.

I've accomplished morethan most men

and without the useof my legs.

What makes a man,Mr. Lebowski?

I..don't know, sir.

Is it being preparedto do the right thing?

Whatever the cost?

Isn't that whatmakes a man?

Sure, thatand a pair of testicles.

You're joking.

But...

Perhaps you're right.

You mindif I do a "j"?

Bunny...

Excuse me?

Bunny Lebowski,

She is the lightof my life.

Are you surprisedat my tears, sir?

F***in' a.

Strong men also cry.

I received this faxthis morning.

As you can see,

it is a ransom note.

"We have Bunnie."

Written by men whoare unable to achieve

on a level fieldof play.

"Gather one million dollars

in unmarked,non-consecutive twenties."

Weaklings.

"Await instructions."

Bums!

"No funny stuff."

Bummer.

This is a bummer,man.

That's, that's a bummer.

Brandt will fill you inon the details.

Mr. Lebowskiis prepared to make

a generous offer to youto act as courier

once we get instructionsfor the money.

Why me, man?

He believes the culpritsmight be the very people

who ...soiled your rug,

and you're ina unique position

to confirmor disconfirm

that suspicion.

He thinks thecarpet pissers did this?

Well, Dude,we just don't know.

F***ing Quintana.

That creepcan roll, man.

Yeah, but he'sa pervert, Dude.

No. He's a sex offenderwith a record.

He did 6 months at chino

for exposing himselfto an 8-year-old.

When hemoved to Hollywood,

He had to godoor-to-door

to tell everyonehe was a pederast.

What'sa pederast, Walter?

Shut the f*** up,Donny.

How muchthey give you?

And, of course, I stillget to keep the rug.

Just for makingthe hand-off?

Yeah. They gave,Dude a beeper.

Now, so wheneverthese guys call

What if it'sduring a game?

Oh, I told them if itwas during league play...

What's duringleague play?

Life does notstop and start

at your convenience,

you miserablepiece of sh*t.

I figure...

What's wrongwith Walter, Dude?

I figureit's easy money.

It's allpretty harmless.

She probablykidnapped herself.

What do you mean, Dude?

Rug pee-ersdid not do this.

Look at it.

A young trophy wife

marries this guyfor his money.

She figures he isn'tgiving her enough.

You know, she owes moneyall over town.

That f***in'...B*tch.

It's all goddamnfake, man.

It's like Lenin said.

You look for the personwho will benefit,

and,you know...

I am the walrus?

You know,you'll ...

You know whatI'm trying to say.

I am the walrus.

That f***in' b*tch!

I am the walrus.

Shut the f*** up,Donny!

V.I. Lenin. VladimirIlyich Ulyanov!

What the fuckis he talking about?

F***ing exactlywhat happened.

That makes mefucking sick.

What do you care,Walter?

Those rich fucks.

This wholefuckin' thing.

I did not watchmy buddies die

facedown in the mud

so that thisfucking strumpet,

This f***ing whore

I don't see any connectionto Vietnam, man.

Well, there'sa literal connection.

No, Walter, face it,there isn't any connection.

Your roll.

Have it your way,but my point is

Your roll.

Your roll.My point is

Are you readyto be f***ed, man?

I see you roll your wayinto the semis.

Dios mio, man.

Liam and me, we'regonna f*** you up.

Well...you know,that's just like ...

Your opinion, man.

Let me tell yousomething, pendejo,

you pull anycrazy sh*t with us,

you flash a piece outon the lanes,

I'll take it away from youand stick it up your ass

and pullThe f***in' trigger

till it goes click.

Jesus.

You said it, man.

Nobody fuckswith the Jesus.

# The man in me will do #

# Nearly any task #

# And as for compensation #

# There's littlehe will ask #

# Take a womanlike you #

# To get through #

# To the man in me #

# The storm cloudsare raging #

# All around my door #

# I think to myself #

# I might not take itanymore #

# Take a womanlike your kind #

# To find #

# The man in me #

# What a wonderful feeling #

# Just to knowthat you are near... #

They called about80 minutes ago.

They want youto take the money,

drive north on the 405.They will call you

on the portable phonewith instructions

in about 40 minutes.

One person only. Theywere very clear on that,

Or I'd go with you.One person only.

What happened to your jaw?

Oh, nothin',you know.

Here's the money.

And the phone.

Please, Dude, follow whateverinstructions they give.

All right.

Her life is in your hands.

Oh, man,don't say that.

Mr. Lebowski asked meto repeat that.

Her life is in your hands.

Oh, sh*t, man.

Her life is inyour hands, Dude.

Report back to usas soon as it's done.

Where the fuckare you goin', man?

Take the ringer.I'll drive.

What? The what?

The ringer.

The ringer,Dude.

Have theyCalled yet? What the

What the hell is this?

My dirty undies,Dude.

Laundry.The whites.

Walter, I'm surethere's a reason

you broughtyour dirty undies, man.

That's right, Dude.The weight.

The ringercannot look empty.

Walter, what the fuckare you thinking, man?

You're right, Dude.I got to thinking.

I got to thinkingwhy should we settle

for a measly f***in'20 grand

We? What the f*** we?

You said you just wantedto come along.

My point, Dude, is

why should wesettle for 20 grand

when we can keepthe entire million?

Am I wrong?Yes, you're wrong.

This isn'ta f***in' game, man.

Oh, but it is a game.You said so yourself.

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