The Making of 'The Big Lebowski' Page #4

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She kidnapped herself.

I said I thought

Dude here.

Who is this?

Dude the bagman, man.Where do you want us to go?

Us?

Yeah, you know,me and the driver.

I'm not handling the money,driving the car,

and talking on the phoneall by my

Shut the f*** up!

Dude, are youfuckin' this up?

Who is that?

That is the driver.

I told you

What the f***'sgoin' on?

Walter! What the fuckis goin' on?

He hung up, man!

You f***ed it up!

Her life wasin our hands, man.

Easy, Dude.

We're screwed now.We don't get sh*t.

They're gonna kill her.

We're f***ed, Walter.

Nothing is f***ed,Dude.

Come on, you'rebeing very un-Dude.

They'll call back.

Look,she kidnapped

You see? Nothing'sfucked here, Dude.

Nothing is f***ed.

They're a bunch offuckin' amateurs!

Hey, Walter, will youjust shut the f*** up?

Don't say peep while I'mdoin' business here, man.

Ok, Dude,have it your way.

But they're amateurs.

Ok, we proceed.

But only if there'sno funny stuff.

So no funny stuff, ok?

Just tell me where the fuckyou want us to go.

That was the sign, man.

So all we gotta dois get her back,

No one's in a positionto complain,

And we keepthe baksheesh.

Yeah, terrific, Walter,

but you haven't told me howwe're gonna get her back.

Where is she?

That's the simple part,Dude.

We make the hand-off,

I grab one of 'em,beat it out of him.

Yeah. That'sa great plan.

Walter, that'sfucking ingenious,

If I understand itcorrectly.

It's a Swissfuckin' watch.

That's right, Dude.

The beauty of thisis its simplicity.

Once a plangets too complex,

everythingcan go wrong.

If there's one thing Ilearned in 'nam, it's

You're comingto a wooden bridge.

When you crossthe bridge,

you throw the bag

from the left windowof the moving car.

You're being watched.

What'd he say?Where's the hand-off?

There is no f***in'hand-off, man.

At the wooden bridge, we throwthe money out of the car.

We throw the moneyout of the moving car.

No, we can'tdo that, Dude.

That fucks upour plan.

Well, call 'em up andexplain it to them, Walter.

Your planis so f***in' simple

I'm sure they'llfuckin' understand it.

That's the beauty of it.

Wooden bridge, huh?

I'm throwin' the money,Walter.

We're not f***in'around, man.

Ok, Dude,bridge is comin' up.

Give me the ringer,chop-chop.

F*** that, Walter.I love ya,

but sooner or later you'regonna have to face the fact

you're a goddamn moron.

Ok, Dude.No time to argue.

Hey, man.The bridge.

There goes the ringer!

What the f***?!

Here, Dude, your wheel.

At 15 mph, I roll out.

I double back, grab one,and beat it out of him.

The Uzi.Uzi?!

You didn't think I wasrolling out of here naked?

Walter, please..

We have it!

We...have it!

Aw, f*** it, Dude.

Let's go bowling.

Etz chaim he, Dude,

as the ex used to say.

What the f*** is thatsupposed to mean?

What the f*** are wegonna tell Lebowski?

Well, what exactlyis the problem?

The problem is

What do you mean,What's the

There was no...

We..didn't ...

They're gonna killthat poor woman, man.

What the f*** are youtalking about?

The poor woman

that poor slut

kidnapped herself.

Come on, Dude,you said so yourself.

Man, I said I thoughtshe kidnapped herself.

You're the one who'sso f***in' certain.

That's right, Dude.

They posted the next roundfor the tournament.

Donny, shut the fuckwhen do we play?

This Saturday.

Saturday? Well, theyhave to reschedule.

Walter, what am Igonna tell Lebowski?

I told that f*** downat the league office

Who's in charge of scheduling?

I told that krauta f***in' thousand times

I don't rollon Shabbos.

He already Walterposted it.

Well, he can f***in'unpost it!

Who gives a sh*t?!

They're gonna killthat poor woman, man.

What am I gonna tellLebowski?

..eventually she'll get tiredof her little game

and, you know,wander on back.

How come you don't rollon Saturday, Walter?

I'm Shomer Shabbos.

What's that, Walter?

Yeah,and in the meantime,

What do I tellLebowski?

Saturday, Donny,is Shabbos,

The jewish day of rest.That means I don't work,

I don't drive a car,I don't f***in' ride in a car,

I don't handle money,I don't turn on the oven,

and I sure as shitdon't f***ing roll!

Shomer Shabbos!

Shomer f***ing Shabbos.

Oh, f***! That's it!I'm outta here.

Oh, come on, Dude.

Look, you just tell him

Tell him we made the drop,

and everything went,you know...

Oh, yeah,how'd it go?

Went all right. Dude's cargot a little dinged up.

Walter, we didn't makethe f***in' hand-off, man.

They didn't getthe f***in' money!

And they're gonna..

They're gonna killthat poor woman.

They're gonna killthat poor woman

Hey, Walter, if youcan't ride in a car,

how do you get aroundon shammos?

Really, Dude,you surprise me.

They're not gonna kill sh*t,they're not gonna do sh*t.

What can they do to her?

They're a bunchof f***in' amateurs,

And meanwhile,look at the bottom line.

Who's sittin' ona million f***ing dollars?

Who's got a f***in' millionfuckin' dollars

sitting in the trunkof our car?

Our car, Walter?

And what do they got?My dirty undies.

My f***in' whites.

Say, Dude.

Where is your car?

Who's got yourundies, Walter?

Where's your car, Dude?

You don't know,Walter?

It was parkedin a handicap zone.

Perhaps they towed it.

You f***in' knowit's been stolen.

Well, certainly that'sa possibility, Dude.

Oh, f*** it.

Where you goin', Dude?

I'm goin' home, Donny.

Phone's ringing, Dude.

Thank you, Donny.

Green.

Some, brown or...

Rust coloration.

And was there anythingof value in the car?

...a tape deck,

some Creedence tapes,

and there was a...

my briefcase.

In the briefcase?

..papers.

You knowjust papers.

You know,my papers.

Business papers.

And what do you do,Sir?

I'm unemployed.

My rug wasalso stolen.

Your rug was in the car?

No, here.

Separate incidents?

Do you find them much,these stolen cars?

Sometimes.

Wouldn't hold out much hopefor the tape deck, though.

Or the Creedence.

Well, what about...

The briefcase?

Mr. Lebowski,I'd like to see you.

Call when you get home,and I'll send a car for you.

My name is Maude Lebowski.

I'm the onewho took your rug.

Guess we can closethe file on that one.

El Franco,ay`dame abajo.

I'll be with youin a moment, Mr. Lebowski.

Does the female form make youuncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

..is that what thisis a picture of?

In a sense, yes.

My art has been commendedas being strongly vaginal,

which bothers some men.

The word itself makessome men uncomfortable.

Vagina.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, they don't like hearing itand find it difficult to say,

whereas withoutbatting an eye,

a man will refer tohis dick or his rod

Or his... Johnson.

Johnson?

All right, Mr. Lebowski.

Let's get down to cases.

My father told me he agreedto let you have the rug,

but as it was a giftfrom me to my late mother,

it was not his to give.

Your face.

As for this kidnapping...

Yes, I know all about it,

And I know thatyou acted as courier.

Let me tell you something.

The whole thing stinksto high heaven.

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