The Making of 'The Big Lebowski' Page #6

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Excuse me, sir,

Could you pleasekeep your voices down?

This is a family restaurant.

Oh, please, dear.

For your information,the supreme court

has roundly rejectedprior restraint!

Walter, this is nota first amendment thing.

If you don't calm down,

I'm gonna have to ask youto leave.

Lady, I got buddies whodied face down in the muck

so you and I could enjoythis family restaurant!

All right,I'm outta here.

Hey, Dude,don't go away, man.

Come on, this affectsall of us, man.

Our basic freedoms!

I'm stayin'.

I'm finishing my coffee.

Enjoying my coffee.

: The Dude is not in.

: Leave a messageafter the beep.

: Thanks, man.

Mr. Lebowski, this isduty officer Rolvaag

of the LAPD.

We've recoveredyour automobile.

It can be claimed at theNorth Hollywood auto circus

there on Victory.

Far out, man.

Far f***ing out!

This is a privateresidence, man.

Ah, nice marmot.

Ve vant the money,Lebowski.

You thinkve are kidding

Or making withthe funny stuff?

There are things

you haven't dreamed of,Lebowski.

Ja. Ve believein nothing.

He believes in nothing,Lebowski, nothing.

and tomorrowve come back

and ve cut offyour chonson.

Excuse me?

I said we'll cut offYour Johnson!

Just think about that,Lebowski.

Ja, your viggly penis,Lebowski.

Ja, and maybe we stomp on itand sqoosh it, Lebowski.

It was discoveredlast night in Van Nuys

lodged againstan abutment.

Oh, man, lodged where?

You're lucky shedidn't get chopped,

Mr. Lebowski.

Must've beena joyride situation.

They abandonedthe vehicle

once they hitthe retaining wall.

Oh, myfucking briefcase!

Man, it's not here.Sh*t!

Yeah, I saw thaton the report. Sorry.

You gotta get inon the other side.

The side-view wasfound on the road

by the car.

You're lucky they leftthe tape deck, though,

And the Creedence.

Aw, Jesus!What's that smell, man?

Probably a vagrantslept in the car

or maybe just used itas a toilet and moved on.

Are you gonna findthese guys or, you know,

I mean, you got anypromising, uh, leads or...

Leads?

Yeah. Sure.

I'll just checkwith the boys

down atthe crime lab.

They, got4 more detectives

Working on the case.

They got usworking in shifts.

Leads.

My only hope is thatthe big Lebowski kills me

Before the Germanscan cut my dick off.

Now, that is justridiculous, Dude.

No one's going tocut your dick off.

Thank you, Walter.

Not if I have anythingto say about it.

Thank you, Walter.

That makes me feelvery secure.

Dude.

That makes me feelvery warm inside.

Now, Dude.

This wholefuckin' thing.

I could be sitting here

with just pee stainson my rug.

Yeah.

But, no, man,I gotta, you know.

F***ing Germans.

Nothing changes.

F***ing Nazis.

They were Nazis, Dude?

Oh, come on, Donny.

They were threateningcastration.

Are we gonnasplit hairs here?

Am I wrong?

Well, he..

They werenihilists, man.

They kept sayingthey believed in nothing.

Nihilists.

F*** me.

I mean,say what you want

about the tenets

of nationalSocialism, Dude.

At leastit's an ethos.

And also,let's not forget

Lets not forget,Dude

That keepingwildlife, um,

an amphibious rodent

for, um, you know,domestic...

Within the city...

That ain't legaleither.

What are you,a f***ing park ranger now?

No, I'mjust trying

Who gives a shitabout the f***ing marmot?

We are sympathizinghere, Dude.

F*** sympathy.

I don't need yourfucking sympathy, man.

I need myfucking Johnson.

What do you needthat for, Dude?

You have got tobuck up, man!

You cannot dragthis negative energy

Into the tournament.

F*** the tournament.F*** you, Walter.

F*** the tournament?

Ok, Dude. I can see

you don't want to becheered up here.

Come on, Donny.

Let's go get usa lane.

Another Caucasian, Gary.

Right, Dude.

Friends like these,huh, Gary?

That's right, Dude.

Do you haveA good sarsaparilla?

Sioux city sarsaparilla?

Yeah. That's a good one.

How you doin'there, Dude?

Not too good, man.

One of those days, huh?

Well...

A wiser fella than myselfonce said,

"Sometimes you eatthe bar and"

Much obliged.

"And sometimesthe bar, well...

He eats you."

That some kindof eastern thing?

Far from it.

I like your style,Dude.

Well...

I dig your style, too,man.

You gota whole cowboy thing going.

There's just one thing,Dude.

And what's that?

Do you have to useso many cuss words?

What the fuckare you talking about?

Have it your way.

Call for you, Dude.

Jeffrey, you havenot gone to the doctor.

..no, I haven't yet.

I'd like to see youimmediately.

So you're Lebowski.

Maude has told meall about you.

She'll be backin a minute. Sit down.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah, sure.White Russian.

The bar's over there.

So what do you do,Lebowski?

Who the f*** are you,man?

Just a friendof Maudie's.

Yeah, the friendwith the cleft a**hole?

What do you do?

Oh, nothing much.

Yeah, how are you?

Listen, Maude,

I got to, ...

Tender my resignationor whatever,

Because, ...itlooks like your mother

really was kidnappedafter all.

She most certainlywas not.

Hey, man, whydon't you f***ing...

Listen occasionally?

You mightlearn something.

Please don't call hermy mother.

She's most definitelythe perpetrator

and not the victim.

I'm telling you, I gotpretty definitive evidence

From who?

From the main guy--Oolie.

Oolie Coco?

Her co-star inthe beaver picture?

Beaver?you mean vagina

I mean,you know the guy?

I might have introduced themfor all I know.

Do you remember Oolie?

He's a musician. Usedto have a group Autobahn.

Look in my LP's.

They released one albumin the late seventies.

Their music is sort ofa technopop.

So he's pretending to bethe abductor?

Well, yeah.

Look, Jeffrey, you don'treally kidnap someone

you're acquainted with.

The whole idea

is that the hostage can'tbe able to identify you

after you've let them go.

I know that.

What the fuckis with this guy?

Who is he?

Knox Harrington.

The video artist.

So Ooliehas the money?

Well...

..no, not exactly.

This is a verycomplicated case, Maude.

A lot of ins,a lot of outs,

a lot of what-have-yous,and,

a lot of strandsto keep in my head, man.

A lot of strandsin old Duder's head.

If Oolie doesn't have it,then who does?

It's Sandra,about the Bearnali.

..look,I have to take this.

Do you still havethat doctor's number?

No, really. It'snot even bruised anymore.

Oh, please, Jeffrey,

I don't wantto be responsible

For any delayedafter-effects.

After-effects?

Could you slideyour shorts down,

Mr. Lebowski, please?

No. No, man.She hit me right here.

I understand.

Could you slideyour shorts down, please?

# Just got homefrom Illinois #

# Lock the front door,oh, boy #

# Got to sit down,take a rest on the porch #

# Imagination sets in #

# Pretty soon I'm singin' #

# Doo doo doo #

# Lookin' out my back door #

# There's a giantdoing cartwheels #

# A statuewearin' high heels #

# Look at allthe happy creatures #

# Dancin' on the lawn #

# A dinosaur Victrola #

# Listenin' to Buck Owens #

# Doo doo doo #

# Lookin' out my back door #

Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

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