The Making of 'The Sweetest Thing'

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Christina Walters?

God, I haven't heard that name in ages.

The kind of woman

who can get any guy she wants.

That's Christina Walters.

We dated briefly,

but she's not the commitment type.

She's a player. She just likes to have fun.

I met Christina at a bar. Hot piece of ass.

Totally hit it off. All night long we dance.

I buy her drinks.

At the end of the night, she just splits.

I lay down all that groundwork for nothing.

Lesbian.

She gave me her number. It's been three days.

I saw Swingers. I know how these things work.

Hello, and welcome to AOL Moviefone.

I stay up nights trying to figure out

why she said she'd call and didn't.

Maybe she wanted to call and that's why

she said she was going to call, but...

"Christina

"Christina"

You know, there ought to be

some kind of a signal...

...to let us guys know

when we are talking to a lesbian.

So we don't waste our time.

Prolonged impotence is very common

after a breakup.

Lots of men suffer from it.

They just don't talk about it.

Not like me, gabbing away. Gab, gab.

But, even still,

because she said she was going to call...

...she should've called

to say she wasn't going to call...

...and I would've thanked her for calling...

All right. Okay.

I apologize for saying she was a lesbian.

It's not true.

My male ego got bruised and I lashed out.

I'm sorry.

I'm not used to being blown off, that's all.

I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose.

I know deep down inside she's scared

and lonely just like everyone else.

She'll settle down though,

once she finds the right man.

Or woman.

Maybe has a little boxed lunch at the Y.

Jeez, I'm sorry. Did I say it again?

You're goddamn right I said it again.

Why don't you shave your head, Christina,

and take up women's golf?

Why don't you go to the Depot.

Lots of carpet you can munch on there.

At least I don't get that dizzy,

head-spinning nausea as much as I used to.

Hooray!

Like I said, I'm doing fine.

I am fan-f***ing-tastic.

- Christina.

- Valerie!

Shake it if you've got it.

Miss Courtney.

Hello, Miss Christina.

How you doing? What you doing?

Dancing too much. How you doing?

Same thing. How was your day?

Pretty good.

I got a new account designing

a campaign for a sports line.

They got the right girl, didn't they?

Thank you.

So, what's up?

The usual. Defending the rights

of my broken-hearted clients.

Trying to squeeze every penny

out of their miserable, cheating spouses.

You go get them, woman.

I'll order a pizza and stay in tonight.

Okay, but if we do that,

you know what will have to happen.

Girl, I've been shaking my ass

all the way up this hill.

Which track?

Track three. Oh, yeah!

Koochie!

Is your granny here? What's going on?

It's Jane. She loves this song.

Jane, what's up?

He dumped me.

Kevin dumped me.

It was just three days

before our one-year anniversary.

- Baby.

- Maybe he just freaked out.

He will call up tomorrow when he realizes

what a huge mistake he made.

- He's probably going through that whole...

- No.

He says he's been wanting this for six months.

He says he's been dying inside

ever since I brought over my garment bag.

- Honey.

- What?

We're all guilty of it.

You made yourself too available.

It's a classic mistake, sweetheart.

- Yeah.

- Not according to this.

"Commandment four."

"True Love:
The Ten Commandments."

"Commandment number four:

Thou shalt be open to love's possibilities.

"Boundaries are the enemies of love."

Sweetie, you know what?

This book is relationship propaganda.

Listen to me.

Dating is all about boundaries.

Honey, you have to protect yourself.

We've all had our heart stomped on

one too many times...

...because we served it to them

on a big old platter.

A good defense is the best offense.

I am so tired of playing games.

This is not about playing games.

This is about self-preservation.

You can't throw yourself out there

all exposed and vulnerable every time.

That is how you get smacked down.

Do you understand?

Don't go looking for Mr. Right.

Look for Mr. Right Now.

And, eventually, if he's worthy, then one day...

...that "now" part is just going to drop away.

Naturally, you know?

Meanwhile, you're just

going to have fun together.

Yeah. Not so serious. Shake it off a little bit.

Speaking of fun, we are going to take you out.

We are taking you out.

You are going to have a good time.

No.

Oswaldo!

Hey, Christina. Courtney.

- Jane.

- Hello, Jane.

- Welcome.

- Thank you.

Shut up!

Okay, girls, let's go.

This is it, Jane.

Go, baby!

- Right here, baby.

- Oh, my God.

Look at the shoulder, baby.

Bounce it, baby. Check it out, baby.

What's your name, baby?

Here we go. Circle of love, circle of love!

We're going to go now.

Bye-bye.

My God. It's like Siegfried & Roy or something.

Martinis, ladies.

- Compliments of the gentleman at the bar.

- Which one?

Thank you, Leather Coat Guy.

Cheers.

Leather Coat Guy is looking good.

Shotgun!

Cheater.

What's up?

Nothing. What's up with you?

Nothing.

What's up with you?

Nothing. What's up with you?

Nothing.

You know, I am having the best time.

You know, I am having the best time.

Are you, sweetie?

My boyfriend dumped me. I'm at this club

where no one wants to talk to me.

- I want to go home.

- No.

No. Christina, I can't do this.

Yes, you can. It's really very easy.

Observe.

I just pinched his ass.

I'm sorry. Hi.

- Hi. What's your name?

- Peter.

Peter, this is my friend, Jane.

Jane would love to dance.

I don't mean to be rude,

but I have some friends waiting for me.

Nice to meet you, though.

- He hated me. I suck.

- You don't suck. That guy was a dick.

I'll make sure that you have fun tonight

if it's the last thing...

What did you call me?

You just called me a dick. I heard you.

Why am I a dick?

Because I didn't like the way

you treated my friend.

I didn't do anything to your friend.

You barely gave her the time of day.

You tried to pawn me off on her

and I didn't go for it.

You should be so lucky to even talk

to someone as hot and sweet as Jane.

Excuse me.

I wasn't suggesting you get married.

I just thought you could get it on.

What? Get it on?

You know nothing about me.

What if I'm some psycho serial killer?

What if Jane was the girl of your dreams,

but you'll never know?

That is the sweetest thing.

I never thought I'd meet her

by having somebody grab me and say:

"Man, I have good woman for you.

She is very hot and sweet.

"Jane! Dance for the man!"

- Maybe that's your problem.

- What?

Maybe if you didn't play it so safe,

Mr. Safety-Poo...

...you might meet a girl you could have fun with.

This brilliant love advice comes

from one who loves to play games with men.

Always in control.

That way, she never has to get too close.

Nice manners, by the way.

Where the hell did that guy... Jane?

What's up with you?

Nothing. What's up with you?

I can't believe he brought that b*tch

to our bar.

- This is our bar.

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