The Making of 'The Sweetest Thing' Page #2

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- Forget her, she's a skeev.

- But is she prettier than me?

- Of course not, you're beautiful.

Oh, my God, you f***ing b*tch!

I can't believe you grabbed his ass.

He comes right into my face

and starts telling me all this stupid stuff...

...about how I like to play games

and be in control so I never get too close.

Can you believe him?

- What?

- Nothing.

- I've never seen you act like this before.

- Act like what?

They're fake.

All bah-jiggity about some guy.

- Bah-jiggity?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare.

It's cool. It's why I got them.

- I'm not bah-jiggity.

- You are so bah-jiggity.

They look real.

Thank you. You can touch it if you want to.

No.

- Touch it. She likes it.

- Go ahead. It feels real, huh?

If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter,

it's because you're telling me I am.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

You've named the puppy.

- I did not.

- You just called him Peter.

- I did?

- You've got to feel these things.

I'm psychic and I knew his name was Peter.

- Knock your socks off.

- So soft.

Un-f***ing-believable.

F***.

I am so getting a pair.

That's why chicks

always go to the bathroom together.

It's so obvious that you like this guy.

Why are you being such a p*ssy about it?

Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

If you haven't noticed,

there's plenty of guys out there.

See you later.

- What's your problem?

- What's your problem?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, Peter.

- Eric!

- Be right there.

You don't have to do this.

I know, but I want to. I spilled your drink.

Can I buy you another one?

Okay.

I want to apologize.

I shouldn't have been impolite to your friend.

If I was, I didn't mean to.

My brother is waiting for me

and I got nervous, I guess. I don't know.

I mean, otherwise, I'd be all over your friend.

I'm the one who should apologize. I was rude.

No, I understand. You were protecting

your friend. Anyone would've done that.

I thought that was sweet.

Jesus.

- We good now?

- Yeah.

Good.

I should get back to my friends.

Okay.

Thanks for the drink.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Have a good night.

- You, too.

Can you take this? I'm a total loser.

I just struck out with this guy.

One more thing.

Should I be upset that my ex-girlfriend

has her tongue down that guy's throat?

Oh, my God!

- Jane!

- I guess I blew my chance.

- That could have been you.

- Lf I wasn't such a dick.

- Was I really a dick?

- Yeah. You were a dick.

We should start over. Why don't I walk by,

and you grab me like before?

- I didn't grab you.

- You grabbed me.

You grabbed me right on the ass.

I don't grab, okay?

Pete!

Excuse me.

Dude! Where you been? Everybody's waiting.

After-hours party back at the hotel.

These two pigs are good to go.

Did I mention that we have

the Freddie Mercury Suite?

She puked on him!

Again? God, she's like a hose.

Go help her, please.

Or not.

She's out. We're one short. Who's this chick?

- She is hot. Bring her.

- What?

F*** me. You have so much...

You've got to come. Let me tell you why.

You'll never find anyone better than my brother.

He is the greatest...

That hurts me. Just look at him.

Chicks freak on this guy. Come on, now.

He is the sh*t and that's why

he's in my wedding on Saturday.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

- Just trying to help out.

'Bye!

Ladies, big party. Four Seasons, room 402.

You're invited, you're invited.

All right, I'm leaving.

- That's my brother.

- He's special.

Careful, that's puke. Don't touch me.

When is the wedding?

Saturday afternoon up in Somerset.

That's where we live.

That's nice.

Peter! It's looking like now.

You're pinching my arm skin.

I better go. But for real this time.

- It was nice to meet you.

- Very nice to meet you. I had a great time.

Me, too.

Come by the party if you want to.

- Really?

- Definitely. If you want to.

I'll ask my friends. Maybe we'll stop by.

I really hope I see you. But in case

I don't see you, have a nice life.

You, too.

Chris, it's Court.

I'm at the party with Leather Coat Guy.

I was checking in to see

if you were listening to your messages.

If you are, that means you were

too chicken to hook up with Peter...

...which therefore means you are a loser.

You are a loser. A...

Thanks, Court.

"I'm a big loser."

What's up, you b*tches and hos and losers?

Too late now.

He was kind of cute.

Funny.

Really funny.

Cute boy.

My God, you're so good at that.

I'd like to do that every hour,

on the hour, for the rest of our lives.

- Of course, go ahead.

- Thank you.

Don't worry about returning the favor.

Men don't really like oral sex.

Right.

I'm serious. It's just a bad rumor

that was started sometime in the '50s.

I had no idea. I need to tell all my friends.

Please, do.

Someone needs to put an end to this madness.

God, I'm so glad I came back to the hotel room.

Me, too.

I never thought I'd see you again.

- Room service.

- Right on time.

- Ice cream?

- Only the best for our VIPs.

I had them remove all the calories for you.

You are good.

All right!

I said I wanted to do it to you every hour,

on the hour, but I can't wait.

Can I do it again now?

Okay.

San Francisco, California, please,

for Four Seasons Hotel. Thanks.

Great dream.

Yes, hi. Do you have a Freddie Mercury Suite?

Good. Can I have it? Thanks.

Really?

Already?

Have a great day. Thanks. 'Bye.

What am I even calling for?

Hello? Hey, Court.

Yeah.

- Stop talking sh*t about me.

- Where you been?

Sorry I'm late. I don't want to talk about it.

You ready? I'm starving.

I'll meet you there. I have to drop something off

at the dry cleaners.

Can it wait, please? I'm so hungry right now.

Isn't that Courtney's dress

that you borrowed last night?

Yeah.

Why are you bringing it in?

Did you get something on it?

I'm trying to be a good girlfriend.

- I'm really sorry.

- You slut!

- Is that what I think it is?

- Guilty!

I'll take it to the dry cleaners, and it will be gone.

- That's a lot!

- He was holding a lot!

My God! What's this on your skirt?

I am scared enough as it is to go in there.

What am I going to say?

"Mr. Martin, can you help me with my jizz?"

You know what?

- You guys suck.

- No, obviously you suck.

- You suck.

- You suck well. I'm proud.

No spanky-wanky.

Hey, Jane.

- Hi, Mr. Martin.

- How's your mother?

- Great. She's good. Everyone's good.

- Your grandmother?

- Everyone's great.

- That's fine. That's fine.

What you got for me today?

Just a dress, but I'll be back for it

in a few days, so no hurry.

- Any stains?

- No.

- What's this?

- What?

This. Come here.

Stain?

This is going to be a tough one.

I didn't even notice that. I must have spilled

some soda on me last night.

No. This is not soda. Think, Jane. Think.

If I know what it is, it's easier for me to remove.

The field trip. Come in, children. Come in.

- F***.

- Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.

Hi, Mr. Martin.

On today's field trip,

we are going to learn about cleanliness.

Jane?

Jane Burns!

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