The Making of 'The Sweetest Thing' Page #5

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- But, no, let's go.

- Please.

- Really. Let's go.

- Don't reverse psychology me right now.

I'm not reverse psychologing you.

You're so good at it,

you don't even know you're doing it anymore.

All right, maybe a little bit.

- Court, this is crazy. This was really crazy.

- What the hell were we thinking?

I wish there were some sign from God...

...that you and Peter Donahue

should be together.

How do you know his last name is Donahue?

Because you're sitting on his face.

- My God, it's him! He's so cute!

- Yeah, I know.

Cute? He's adorable!

And look at this.

"Everything he touches turns to sold."

- He's funny! He's funny, too. See?

- I know.

Church bells.

What do you think? Bride or groom's side?

I have to go to the bathroom, I think.

- Did you misplace your bladder today?

- I'm wearing the tightest skirt ever.

Go to the bathroom. I'll find seats.

- Could you tell me where the restroom is?

- It's right outside.

Hello?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- I can't breathe.

Really? Okay.

Just breathe, stay calm, you'll be okay.

Are you okay?

- You'll be fine. You'll be okay.

- Water!

Okay.

- Thank you.

- I'll leave you alone for a second, okay?

- Judy!

- In a minute, Dad.

I don't want to go in the deep end.

I don't want to go in the deep end!

Flowers!

I look like a magazine bride!

No, you don't. You look really beautiful.

Like the perfect bride.

Why don't I feel good?

Well, I'm sure that you're just really nervous.

It's a big day, right?

It's what every girl dreams of, but...

...how do you know it's real?

I don't know.

I can't answer that for you, really.

But I'm sure the two of you

will be really happy together.

And if you're not,

you can always just get divorced.

- Yeah!

- Yeah, see? Lt'll be okay.

Right. You're so right.

So just get yourself together.

You look smashing.

- I look beautiful!

- You look amazing!

- I look beautiful.

- You do. Amazing.

- Now, get off my dress.

- I'm sorry.

I'm getting married!

Hi.

- I bet you miss Grandma.

- Grandma.

Where is she?

Turn around.

It's Jesus. Look, it's Jesus.

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.

Okay, boys. We're on.

- All right. Straight?

- Big moment.

- You look nice, too.

- Don't stress.

A little slap. Slap me.

Don't be gay in God's house.

Give me a hit. Thank you. Let's do it.

Sh*t.

Chris?

- I'm okay.

- My God! Honey, are you okay?

- What are you doing?

- I got locked in.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm good.

We don't have to lie anymore

because I made friends with the bride.

No. You cannot lock the door.

Goddamn it!

Hello!

Oh, please, God.

Suki, sukil

It's already started.

I bet you miss Grandma.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

...to celebrate the holy matrimony...

...of Judith Katherine Webb...

...and Peter Donahue.

Peter?

Jesus Christ!

Peter? Sh*t!

She did it.

This isn't the Glickman bar mitzvah, is it?

- Moishe, are you here? No?

- Come on, Sharon, let's go.

Mazel tov.

- Christina?

- The hottie.

Shalom!

That's the strangest thing I've ever seen.

There are no Jews in Somerset.

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

- Shall we proceed?

- Sure.

Dearly beloved...

...we are gathered here today...

...to celebrate the holy matrimony...

...of Judith Katherine Webb and Peter Donahue.

Which is an honorable estate...

...instituted of God, signifying...

...unto us the mystical union...

...that is between Christ...

...and...

- Peter.

...Saint...

- I'm having reservations.

- Where?

And is commanded...

About this.

- Really?

- Yeah.

...of Saint Paul...

- Me, too.

- Really?

Yep.

And therefore, is not by any to be entered...

- I mean, I love you.

- But I'm not in love with you.

...lightly.

Anymore!

- You're ruining it.

- But...

We're still friends.

- I don't want to get married.

- I don't want to get married.

No. No kiss. I haven't married you yet.

We're not getting married!

Miguel?

Dad!

But we are having the party.

Exit in the back. It's to the left.

- How you doing?

- Okay. Are you okay?

Yeah, no. I'm okay.

- You owe me $30,000 for this wedding.

- Daddy, please.

- You know what I'm thinking of doing?

- What's that?

I'll cash in the honeymoon tickets,

fly to Bali, and go scuba diving.

- I'll rip your face off, peckerhead.

- Daddy, stop.

- Sweetie?

- Yes?

- I have a confession to make.

- I have a confession to make. You're dead.

Dad. I met someone.

- You met someone.

- Online.

Online.

His name is Ricky. I think he's really special.

F*** it! It's go time! Son of a b*tch!

Daddy, stop it!

Refresh my memory.

Was that Peter's wedding we walked in on?

- Yeah.

- That's what I thought.

I'm such an idiot.

No, you're not.

I meet a guy for two minutes...

...and I'm chasing after him

like he's something special.

Maybe you want someone special for once.

Maybe you were thinking

that you were tired of the game.

Are you tired of the game?

Yep.

Let's go home.

Okay.

My God! What's going on?

Excuse me, Officer?

What's going on here?

Twenty years on the force,

and I've never seen something so horrible.

- What? Where?

- Where's the emergency?

Apartment three.

- That's my apartment!

- Jane.

Poor girl. Never saw it coming.

Excuse me.

- Goddamn dress!

- Don't go in there. It's not a pretty sight.

I live here!

- Apparently, they're stuck.

- What do you mean?

Are you okay?

How are you stuck?

I have a piercing.

- I don't get it. How is she stuck?

- Behind her tonsils.

How the hell do you know that?

- Honey, I'm going to pull you really gently.

- No.

I'm going to pull it. Gently.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We've got the ambulance waiting outside.

We have to get going.

She could sing. You could sing, Jane.

It relaxes the throat, honey.

Stop it! You're getting me hard again!

Wrong song.

Armageddon.

Come on, try.

What?

She says to him,

"Girl You Know It's True changed my life."

It did!

And this sad little tear slowly...

Come on. What do you want from me?

I was 16 years old.

I don't even know why I started talking to her

in the second grade.

- You thought I was the sh*t.

- You are the sh*t.

Shithead.

- My God.

- What?

They found a donor for my patient.

I've got to go. I'm sorry, guys.

- Christina, it was great meeting you.

- Nice to meet you, Greg.

- Jane, it was great meeting you.

- Great meeting you.

So sorry to run off.

I'll make you risotto tomorrow.

It's fine.

- Can I just say, that was so sweet?

- He's great.

- He's so sweet.

- Shut up.

He doesn't have any piercings, does he?

I don't know, actually...

...because I haven't done that with him yet.

- So, you know...

- Honey, you really do like him.

I don't want to talk about it, because I'll jinx it.

- I closed on the Mahalock house today.

- Great news for you.

You don't need to do a thing.

- What did they say about aluminum siding?

- No.

- Really?

- Really.

Be careful with those fat-free chips.

They cause anal leakage.

- You cause anal leakage.

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