The Making of Alan Parker's Film 'The Commitments' Page #5

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That's a desperate place! Full of old-age

pensioners learnin' ballroom dancin'!

- It's a room with a stage.

- How much will it cost?

Nothin'. We told Father Molloy

it's part of his anti-heroin campaign.

I can get my little brother to do a poster.

The 28th is no time away.

We've two songs.

All we need is another ten.

Ten?!

You'll never believe what I just seen!

Joey and Natalie gettin' it off on the stairs!

- I'm tellin' the truth!

- Knob off! What if she was?

- It's Natalie's business!

- Tongues, was it?

- Yeah!

- He's got terrible breath!

- Lads, it's a free country.

- But he's old and he's ugly.

You're young and you're uglier.

You'd get off with Joan Collins

quick enough, and she's 50!

And you'd do it with Tina Turner,

and she's a granny!

Joey's not married, so fair fucks to him.

Yous are all so f***in' stupid!

Natalie got off with him!

- Then she's a slut.

- F*** you, yeh fat f***er!

Me knee! Ohh, Jaysis!

OK. Let's have a look at it.

Hey, that's really good!

But there's only one E in heroin.

- Wha'?

- There's no E at the end of heroin.

You little bollix!

There's only one E in heroin!

- No, there isn't.

- Yes, there is!

- The syringe is good, though.

- No one round here can spell.

Today, St Bridget's Community Centre.

Tomorrow... oblivion.

Where's Oblivion?

Jimmy! Jimmy! Mickah Wallace

wants to see yeh. He's in the pub.

- Mickah Wallace?!

- I hired him to do the door. Security.

- You're mad, Jimmy! He's a savage!

- I know he is. But he's our savage.

- He'll f*** off with the money!

- Shh! Dean!

Sorry, Father.

One! Two!

One! Two! Testin'!

One! Two! Testin'!

One! Two! Testin'!

One! Two! Testin'!

That's a good strong mike, that.

Quality's very rare these days.

Are yeh sure now? Two pounds to

come in. Half-price to the unwaged.

Got it.

Ben Nevis on the stand side! Come on,

Ben Nevis! Lester's out the saddle!

Sh*t! He's just fallen and croaked.

And now I want to sing for yis.

# Tell me why I don't like Mondays!

# Tell me why I don't like Mondays!

- I've a bugle here you can blow on.

- I've an arse here you can kiss!

Where's me knob? I know I tucked it

into me sock before I came out!

- I can't get this hair to stay down.

- These suits are a waste o' money.

- He's upset cos it hides his tattoos.

- All Motown brothers wore suits.

Neat. Dignified.

You'll play better in your suit.

- But I can't lift me sax in this jacket.

- Swap it with Outspan, then.

- D'yeh mind?

- No.

F***in' monkey suit.

I haven't worn one since that weddin'.

- I puked on mine. Remember?

- Remember? Some of it got on me.

Are yeh decent? We're comin' out!

I didn't recognise meself!

I hope I don't need a piss in this dress.

I'd never get it back on again!

There'd be plenty of volunteers to help!

Will they be eatin' chips

out of our knickers?

I wouldn't say no!

It's 2.

Howyeh doin', Mrs Foster?

Outspan's up on the stage.

Any messin' and I'll kill yeh, right?

- What's wrong?

- He's bein' sick!

Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous.

Come on. It'll be all right.

Sweet Jaysis!

She promised me she wouldn't come!

- Who?

- Me ma!

- I'm not goin' on.

- Go and find Mickah. He'll get him on.

My ma would beat the shite

out o' Mickah Wallace any day!

Shh! Shut the f*** up!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Put your working-class hands together

for the saviours of soul,

the hardest-working band

in the world! Yes! Yes, yes!

The Commitments!

Wrong rope, Brother Rabbitte.

Ladies and gentlemen,

The Commitments!

Get the f*** off!

- Hurry up!

- Who said that?

Brother Billy.

- Wha'?

- When you're ready.

Oh, sh*t! Yeah.

If I catch you messin', you're out!

# They call me Mr Pitiful

# Baby, that's my name

# They call me Mr Pitiful

# That's how I got my fame

# But nobody seems to understand now

# What makes a man feel so blue

# Ohh, they call me Mr Pitiful

# Cos I lost someone just like you

# They call me Mr Pitiful

# Most everybody knows now

# They call me Mr Pitiful

# Most every place I go now

# But nobody seems to understand now

# What makes a man

sing such a sad song

# Ohh, when he lost everything

# When he lost everything

Hello, Dublin!

I hope yous like me group!

- F*** off!

- Yeh prick!

# How can I explain to you

# Somebody actin' so very blue?

# How can I tell you about my thing?

# Oh, nothin' to do

# Mr Pitiful!

- You'll apologise to the girls!

- We're not your bleedin' group!

Come on, get it back! Get it back!

F***in' bastard!

# Cos nobody seems to understand now

# What makes a man

sing such a sad song

# Oh, when he lost everythin'

# When he lost everythin'

# We-ell

# Your love was

# Sweeter than

# Any I know

# So-oh-oh

# Don't come back

# Runnin' or

# Knockin' on my front door

# Well, you said that I

# Was your only girl

# Do-do

# There ain't no other

# Do-do, do-do

# In the whole wide world

# Do-do, do-do

# You know you took my love

# Threw it away

# You're gonna want my love someday

# Well-a bye bye, baby

# Bye bye, bye bye

# Goodbye, goodbye, baby

# Bye bye

# Bye bye bye, baby

# Bye bye, baby

# Goodbye, goodbye

# Bye bye, baby

# Bye bye, bye bye

# Bye bye

# Well, goo-ood-bye now

# Ba-a-a-by

- Mam says to give us some money.

- For what?

- Crisps and Cokes.

- Are yeh stayin' over there?

Yeah. They're great.

- You're jokin'!

- No! They're really good!

Are yeh serious?

Ow! Jesus Christ, Tommy!

Me f***in' head!

- Here. How much do yeh want?

- A pound.

For crisps and Coke?

Go on.

# Aaahh, show me a man

that's got a good woman

# Show me

# Show me a man out there

who's got a good woman

# Show me

# Show me a man that's

got a good woman

# Show me a man that's

got a good woman

# Show me a man that's

got a good woman

# Show me a man that's

got a good woman!

# Show me a man that's

got a good woman

# I'll show you a man that

goes to work hummin'

# You know he's got

some sweet lovin' comin'

# At the end of his workin' day

# Yeah

# Show me a woman

that's got a good man

# Show me

# I wanna see a woman out there

claims she's got a good man

# Show me

# Show me a woman

that's got a good man

# Show me a woman

that's got a good man

# Show me a woman

that's got a good man

# Show me a woman

that's got a good man!

Don't touch him!

Get an ambulance, quick!

- F***in' eejit!

- We want more! We want more!

- If Derek dies, we'll be famous.

- What are you on about?

It's a sure way to get famous.

Die on a stage... Get shot in a motel...

- We'd sell millions of records.

- I don't understand what happened.

You have to keep the juice from

the amps and the mikes separate.

Derek was the earth there for a minute.

- Isn't that how the guy from AC/DC died?

- No. He choked on his own vomit.

- So did your man from Free, didn't he?

- Yeah. Lots o' them.

- Keith Moon.

- Jimi Hendrix.

- Brian Jones.

- No, he drowned.

- Did he?

- Yeah.

- Mama Cass?

- That was vomit.

Vomit.

- Not a heart attack?

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